Buckingham Palace Announces That THE QUEEN’S Doctors Are “Concerned For Her Health,” And Members Of The Royal Family Are On Their Way To Be With Her (UPDATE)
Buckingham Palace announced that THE QUEEN, Britain’s longest-reigning monarch, has died at 96.
The Queen died peacefully at Balmoral this afternoon.
The King and The Queen Consort will remain at Balmoral this evening and will return to London tomorrow. pic.twitter.com/VfxpXro22W
— The Royal Family (@RoyalFamily) September 8, 2022
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Buckingham Palace announced this morning that THE QUEEN is currently under medical supervision at Balmoral estate in Scotland. THE QUEEN is 96 and she’s become a part-time monarch because of her health woes and has had to miss events. So this news seemed serious but not surprising. But then we heard that her family, including her children and grandchildren, are either with her at Balmoral or on their way. So now it seems like things are reaching Operation London Bridge-levels of serious.
#PrinceOfPegging was trending yesterday and if you clicked on that hashtag, you probably got the WTF image of Prince William’s b-hole twitching in excitement every time his eyes land on a royal scepter. Because speculation spread that Prince William spreads for those royal butt cheeks for some pegging action, which is when someone dons a strap-on to butt fuck someone else. The rumor didn’t come up after Prince William pulled a Madonna and Guy Ritchie, and was spotted leaving a sex store with a mighty Purple Penetretator in his shopping bag. No, the speculation started over a not-so-blind-item that DeuxMoi posted. Yup, so it’s 100% legit! And the royal pegging rumor is by far the LEAST GROSS sexual thing they’ve allegedly done. Let the prince get pegged if that’s what he wants, but that’s not the scandalous part. The scandalous part is that the blind item alleges that the royal in question doesn’t get into pegging with his wife but with his side piece instead.
There’s a new book coming out this week called Revenge: Meghan, Harry and the War Between the Windsors from writer of many unauthorized biographies Tom Bower who also writes about the royals often. And well, Tom may have to take a break from using his typing fingers to write about the royals to use his typing fingers to find a lawyer to possibly defend him from the mega wave of cease and desists that Meghan Markle’s lawyers may drown him in. Because in his book, Tom makes all kinds of claims about Meghan Markle’s short time as a working royal and her relationships with the royal family, including the little rumor that THE QUEEN proclaimed, “Thank goodness!”, after finding out that Meghan wasn’t going to make the trip to England for Prince Philip’s funeral. Maybe Tom’s source got it wrong. Maybe THE QUEEN wasn’t giving thanks for Meghan not going to her husband’s funeral. Maybe right after she got the Meghan news, another aide let her know that they were able to rent a gin fountain for the funeral reception and THE QUEEN was giving thanks to that since she needed more than a few cups of the sweet nectar to deal with her family and favorite son.
Prince William and Duchess Kate live in a luxurious 24-karat gold-plated bubble of ignorance (it’s one of the benefits that comes with being two of the most famous royals in the world). So of course when they went on an official tour of the Caribbean earlier this year, they likely assumed it would be nothing but flowers, handshakes, photo-ops, and bottomless platters of Welcome to Our Island! fruits and cheese. That’s not exactly what happened. Will and Kate’s visits to Belize, Jamaica, and the Bahamas were met with protests from locals who wanted to address the subject of colonialism, especially in the wake of Barbados declaring their independence and splitting from the British Commonwealth just a couple of months earlier. William and Kate reportedly had some regrets about showing up in several countries that really didn’t want them there. And it looks like non-royal British citizens can join them deckside on the S.S. Regrets, because that messy tour reportedly cost taxpayers $275,000.
After A 2021 Video Of Prince William Telling Off A Photographer Leaked, Kensington Palace Called It A Breach Of The Family’s Privacy
Last week, a three-minute video of Prince William going off on a photographer was uploaded to YouTube. Apparently, the man behind the camera was trying to film William, Duchess Kate, and their kids while they were on a bike ride near their home in Sandringham, Norfolk. The video, which was shot in 2021, only shows William, but you can hear Kate off-screen. 40-year-old William is pissed, and accuses the photographer of stalking his family. There’s a lot of “How DARE you?!” and “you’re disgusting, you really are.” The photographer tries to play it off like running into the Royals was all a big coincidence, but the fact that he filmed and leaked their confrontation makes me think that Big Willy was right all along; bitch knew exactly what he was doing.
When it comes to Royal Family drama, there are a few somewhat unspoken elephants in the room (“But for the right price, I’ll tell you whatever you want to know about those elephants!” says Fergie, with her bank account money transfer information ready). One of the biggest sources of inter-family awkwardness comes courtesy of Prince William and Prince Harry, who basically – in regular commoner talk – hate each other’s aristocratic guts at the moment. But there is one person who is trying to make things right, or at least mildly tolerable, between the brothers, and according to UsWeekly, the person with the world’s most thankless task is Duchess Kate.