According to a “royal commentator” named Phil Dampier who recently spoke to The Sun, Duchess Kate doesn’t really even like her job as a Duchess, and wants to avoid it all by getting pregnant again.
Kate and Prince William live with their three children – Prince George, Princess Charlotte, and Prince Louis – in Kensington Palace, which is located right in the middle on London. But they also have a fancy country house in Norfolk called Anmer Hall, which totally sounds like John Travolta butchering Armie Hammer’s name. Phil claims Kate really loves being in the county with the kids doing…I don’t know what, picking apples? Commanding their servants to pick apples? Sadly, Kate can’t live that Anmer Hall life full-time because she’s got a job back in London at Kensington Palace, where she’s expected to uphold her royal engagements.
A commoner has been blabbing about the personal life of a Duchess, and for the first time in a while, it’s not Thomas Markle gossiping to the press about Duchess Meghan. This story is entirely much more random and gossipy. A British plastic surgeon has been spilling what he claims are the alleged Botox habits of Duchess Kate, and Kensington Palace isn’t happy.
Archie is almost three months old, and you might assume that he’s already grown tired of his big cousin Prince George calling him “NAPA” (Not-A-Prince Archie) or watching Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis steal all his expensive baby blankets to build a fort. He could be, but it might have taken less time to get there than we all knew. Because according to a royal expert, Archie only met his cousins two weeks ago.
Today’s bleak reminder that time is fleeting and goes way too fast is that it’s Prince George’s sixth birthday. And as usual, Kensington Palace has released a few pictures of Prince George in honor of his birthday. I wish Kensington Palace had also tweeted a note that they didn’t run these pics through some king of age progression app. Because in only 365 days, Prince George appears to have gone from someone who claps merrily at the sight of a choo choo train to a character from Riverdale Junior High.
PRINCESS MOMS totally sounds like a Hallmark Channel movie about a commoner who marries a prince, pops out an heir, and now has to compete with a bunch of snooty stuck-up royal mommies who judge her for delaying the use of a training crown. It’s too bad Duchess Meghan doesn’t act in Hallmark movies anymore, because she’d be perfect for the lead role.
But if Meghan’s life does suck as much as the movie plot I just made up (and she claims it kind of does sometimes), then at least she’s got one ally on her team. And apparently it’s fellow royal mommy Duchess Kate.
The Duchesses Went To Wimbledon, And Didn’t Scratch Each Other’s Faces Off Or Send A Pic Taker To The Gallows
When Duchess Meghan went to Wimbledon last week, it turned into an international ESCANDALO where it became clear she’s the greatest threat to the British empire since (insert whoever was the greatest threat to the British empire because I definitely passed out in world history class during that part). Meghan was called a nightmare who sicced her security after any uncouth peasant who dared to take her picture at a public event, and caused the corneas of the upper-class to burn from the sight of her low-class peon rags (aka jeans).
You would think that all the courts at Wimbledon would’ve crumbled from the unforgivable crime of Meghan wearing jeans, but they didn’t. And at the Ladies Final at Wimbledon today, Meghan showed up with Duchess Kate and Third Wheel Pippa. They sat in the Royal Box in front of Martina Navratilova and an unamused memaw in a polka dress who is obviously thinking, “How dare that Kate show up in the dress I like to wear at Christmas dinner each year.”