Today, you can expect every single government to announce that December 8th is an international holiday where we must gather around our televisions and silently take in the instantly important cultural artifact now known as Netflix’s Harry & Meghan. After declaring war on Prince William and Princess Kate by dropping the first trailer for this shit during the Waleses’ Boston tour and cruelly paying all those fans to boo P. Willy and Kate at a Celtics game (that’s EXACTLY what happened!!!!), Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are back in the second trailer for their docuseries, where they continue to go on about why they left life as senior royals. Netflix also confirmed that Volume I (a pretentious way of saying “the first three episodes) will be released this Thursday, December 8th, and Volume II (a pretentious way of saying “the last three episodes”) will be released a week later on December 15th. But not to worry if you don’t have Netflix; you can catch this when it plays at the Smithsonian since that’s exactly where this pivotal piece of history is headed!
Sources Say The Sussexes Have “Declared War” On The Wales By Releasing The Trailer For “Meghan & Harry” During Their “Super Bowl” Charity Event
If memory serves, America did an entire revolution so we wouldn’t have to be bothered with the goings on of the British Royal Family. So I am a bit perplexed as to why they keep washing up on our shores, looking for attention and dumping their family tea all up in our harbors. As if we don’t have our own traditions of feuding inbred clans to contend with! Page Six reports that sources claim that the release of the trailer for Prince Harry and his American Wife Meghan Markle’s Netflix documentary, Harry & Meghan, is part of a ”coordinated campaign” to “overshadow” Prince William and Princess Kate’s “Super Bowl” charity trip to Boston. And the Daily Mail says the documentary as a whole is tantamount to “a declaration of war,” which, as far as I can tell, ain’t got shit to do with the price of tea, which, BY THE WAY, should be free since we didn’t ask for it and y’all just dumped it on us anyway. I mean, we will take it. But we are not paying a penny more than we’re already shelling out for our Netflix subscriptions!
As Prince William and Princess Kate take Boston by STORM heavy rainfall so-so rainfall barely a light drizzle, Netflix has released the first trailer for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s reality show, I mean, docuseries. You may be thinking that Harry, Meghan, and their PR team are cackling into the morning Montecito air over their trailer snatching the attention away from P. Willy and Kate’s three-day tour through the land of Dunkin. But according to sources, Harry and Meghan were trying to get Netflix to push the release of their docuseries into next year because they wanted to tone down what they’ve said about the Royal Family following the death of THE QUEEN. But Netflix needs to get their money’s worth from the multi-year deal they signed with Harry and Meghan two years ago, so they’re reportedly releasing the whole thing on December 8th. And this morning, the first trailer came out. So if the trailer cuts out while you’re watching it, that’s probably just from Meghan sneakily pulling the plug on Netflix’s server as Harry plays lookout.
Lady Susan Hussey, One Of THE QUEEN’S Ladies In Waiting, Resigned After Repeatedly Asking Black Charity CEO Ngozi Fulani Where She Was “Really” From
In a totally shocking turn of events, one of the Royals did something racist. Introducing Lady Susan Hussey, THE QUEEN’S former Woman of the Bedchamber (a top lady-in-waiting), Lady of the Household (that’s the title King Charles gave her after THE QUEEN’S death), and Prince William’s godmother. Last night, 83-year-old Lady Hussey attended a charity event at Buckingham Palace, also attended by Ngozi Fulani. Ngozi runs Sistah Space, an East London non-profit that supports Black women affected by abuse. Ngozi says Lady Hussey approached her ten minutes into the event. She moved Ngozi’s hair (!!!) to look at her name badge and asked, “Where are you from?” Oh no. Ngozi answered, “Sistah Space.” Lady Hussey asked again. Ngozi answered that her charity was based in Hackney. But we all know that’s not what Lady Hussey meant. She wanted to know where Ngozi’s “people” “really” came from. “What part of Africa are you from?” Ngozi transcribed Lady Hussey’s horrifyingly racist line of questioning on Twitter. After the post went viral, the BBC reported that Buckingham Palace had released a statement saying that “the individual concerned” was sorry and had immediately resigned from her position. Prince William also made his own statement. He said, via a spokesperson, that “racism has no place in our society.” Racism? Bad? Groundbreaking.
Andy Cohen Went On Meghan Markle’s Podcast And She Told Him She Stopped Watching “Real Housewives” Cuz Her Real Life Was Dramatic Enough
Andy Cohen was a guest on the season finale of Meghan Markle’s podcast Archetypes. Lemme guess. The archetype du jour was: “Messy Bitches Who Allegedly Offered Kathy Griffin Coke”? Sadly, no. The episode was actually about “Man-ifesting a Cultural Shift” (SNORE), and it also featured Trevor Noah and Judd Apatow. Up until now, the guests on Archetypes have all been women. But, based on a suggestion from Prince Harry, Meghan decided to include some male guests to “broaden the conversation” about female stereotypes. Hey, if there’s one guy who’s built his entire career off of female stereotypes, it’s Andy Fuckin’ Cohen!
There’s been a lot of buzz about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s upcoming Netflix docuseries. In the wake of THE QUEEN’S death, Harry and Meghan allegedly wanted to cut out chunks of the doc to soften what they’d said on camera (“Edit out me’ entire monologue where I call me’ grandmum a squeaky ol’ fart balloon”). There were also reports that Netflix had delayed the release date because it was too close to the fifth season of The Crown. But, last week, we learned that Netflix would go ahead with their original plan and drop the doc in early December. And now we have a possible release date: Page Six reports that the docuseries will come out December 8. Wow. Woooow. On the 42nd anniversary of John Lennon’s untimely death? How gauche.