The live-action Beauty and the Beast (aka the upcoming movie that we at Dlisted have written about approximately 3,499 times) is finally coming out next week, and to further promote that mess (because it really needs more promoting), Disney has released the video for Ariana Grande Latte and John Legend’s karaoke version of the title song. You know, instead of clutching their bibles over something innocent and normal like a gay character, the crazy Christian conservatives should really be losing it over the strange dark-sided satanic ritual dance that happens in this video. If my feet didn’t catch on fire as soon as I stepped into a church, I’d run into one to dunk my head in holy water after seeing this scary video.
The video stars off with the anti-donut demon summoning fiery evilness out of a mirror while wearing what looks like a giant bloody shower puff. Ariana then walks into a ballroom and a chorus of over-used, raggedy maxi-pads dance around her and cover her. It’s supposed to look like a big rose, but instead, it looks like the humongous blood clot that falls out of your ear when you listen to a version of Beauty and the Beast that is not sung by Angela Lansbury, Celine Dion or Peabo Bryson.
Ariana joins John at the piano and as she mumble yodels, a human girl dances with the buffalo she’s trying to fuck. This shit is like a horror movie done by a film major who really wants to be the next Guillermo del Toro.
And the scariest part of that video is that Ariana isn’t wearing her hair up in her usual Charo-wannabe ponytail. I always thought that millions of evil spirits lived in Ariana’s ponytail, and now she’s set them free. We’re doomed.
Don’t scoff at that; it takes hours and hours of practice to pose like an undefeated toddler pageant queen. Earlier this week, Ariana Grande Instagrammed a black and white picture of herself looking like American Girl doll that just discovered weed and Joy Rich. But unlike the last time she got a little attention for something she posted to Instagram, this time it wasn’t about the picture. It was the caption that went along with it.
That last hashtag: #haventsleptinyears. That might explain why it looks like she’s taking a quick standing-up snooze in the middle of the sidewalk. If I hadn’t slept in years, I’d wouldn’t be able to keep my eyes open for a picture either.
Ariana Grande has a tour that’s starting next month. And what do you know? She just so happened to promote it this weekend with a couple pictures of her wearing a sparkly ring on that finger. Someone’s a graduate of Subtlety’s Finest School of PR Stunts.
Mariah Carey was on Watch What Happens Live (via ET) last night to push her mostly boring reality show, and whenever the Spanx-wrapped unicorn and the shifty Siamese Cat get together, the clubhouse floor gets covered with shadiness. Mimi didn’t totally disappoint last night.
Last night, Madonna put on a benefit performance for her Raising Malawi charity during Art Basel in Miami aka “When Celebrities Pretend They’re Art History Majors.” Ariana Grande, currently set to star on NBC as the most listless Penny Pingleton ever in Hairspray Live!, joined her on stage. During the show, Madge twerked her 58-year-old ass for the audience. I should probably go back and put a strikethrough through “58-year-old” because something looked suspiciously brand new about Madge’s buttcheeks. Well, maybe “bigger” would be the proper adjective to use here.
I know Lady Gaga’s thing right now is hats, specifically that pink one that’s practically the official mascot of her Joanne promotional tour. So I shouldn’t have been surprised that she showed up to the American Music Awards last night in her biggest, stiffest-brimmed hat. It was nice of her to switch out that pink hat for the evening. I’m sure it was starting to get all limp from all the sweaty forehead foundation it was no doubt collecting and could use a good soak before the Grammys in February. Sorry AMAs, but you get the backup hat.