Category: Elton John

Sam Smith Received A 6-Foot Tall, 2-Ton Marble Penis Statue As A Gift From Ed Sheeran

October 12, 2022 / Posted by:

If you’re friends with Ed Sheeran, it seems like an unsolicited dick statue may be the new unsolicited dick pic. I’m just going to pretend that Ed’s chums got sick of opening his texts only to find his fiery bush and limp fuck parts, so it was time for him to start thinking outside of the box, which led to this brilliant idea: Ed is known among his friends and acquaintances for having big, hard dicks delivered right to their doorsteps, with Sam Smith being the proud new owner of one of the biggest schlong statues yet.

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Britney Spears And Elton John’s “Hold Me Closer” Duet Is Here

August 26, 2022 / Posted by:

Britney Spears’ last album Glory came out in 2016, and since then she hasn’t released new music beyond yodeling on Instagram. Well, it’s Britney’s return to music, bitch! As we’ve been hearing about for what feels like eons, Brit Brit joined forces with Sir Elton John for a re-working of his classic Tiny Dancer (or “the song that the lady from How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days sings on a bus in that old movie” as my uneducated little cousin calls it) called Hold Me Closer. The song also features a heavy serving of Sir Elton’s The One along with a spoonful of Don’t Go Breaking My Heart. It’s finally here, and Tony Danza’s ears must be tingling something extra today as we all warble out “Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza” while listening to Brit Brit and Elt Elt’s duet.

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Britney Spears And Her Mom Lynne Spears Are Having It Out On Instagram Over Unreturned Text Messages From 2019

July 26, 2022 / Posted by:

Due to the outrageous circumstances that led to America’s biggest pop star being locked away, against her will, at the peak of her career, under a sketchy ass conservatorship that lasted over a decade, what happens next in Britney Spears’ life and career is anybody’s guess. So far, it’s been a mixed bag of blessings and bullshit. She’s free, yippee! She’s beefing with her family on Instagram, yikes. She’s married, yippee! (But also *eyeballs emoji*). But what’s Not That Jason Alexander doing there, yikes! This week’s “Yippee!” is that Britney had a secret rendezvous with Sir Elton John at a studio where they laid down a full duet of Tiny Dancer, which Page Six reports will be released by Universal sometime next month. The single will be Britney’s first since 2016’s Slumber Party. That’s the unequivocally good news. Unfortunately, this week’s “Yikes” involves more public family feudin’ on Instagram with Britney’s mom Lynne Spears in the hot seat this time. Again.

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Shakira, Elton John, And More Named In Pandora Papers Leak Of Tax-Evading Rich People

October 4, 2021 / Posted by:

Shakira seems to love three things: shaking her hips, taking down boar thieves, and avoiding taxes! Because she has been named in a new dump of documents that seem to show that she’s been avoiding paying taxes by setting up a P.O. box in a tax haven country. And she isn’t the only one! Sir Elton John, Claudia Schiffer, Ringo Starr, and Julio Iglesias have all also been named in a new tax exposé called the Pandora Papers. From the people who brought you the Panama Papers: more rich people avoiding taxes.

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Elton John Responded To DaBaby’s Homophobic Comments About HIV/AIDS

July 28, 2021 / Posted by:

If there’s ever been a time to throw DaBaby out with DaBathwater it’s now. Earlier this week, the lil’est rapper of them all decided to make homophobia part of his official brand after he was criticized for his comments about HIV/AIDS and asked audience members who “ain’t sucking dick in the parking lot” to raise their lighters high during his performance at the Rolling Rock festival in Miami. After spending the last couple of days stirring the pot and doubling down on the ignorance and hate, Sir Elton John was finally made aware of his existence and responded on Twitter. Elton posted a 5-part thread condemning “the HIV misinformation and homophobic statements made at a recent DaBaby show.” Sadly, it was a pretty tame retort considering that Sir Elton is in possession of the greatest collection of reading glasses the world has ever seen!

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Open Post: Hosted By Ava Max Not Being Able To Name One Elton John Song After Claiming She Loves Him

June 1, 2021 / Posted by:

Pop singer Ava Max is like if Christina Aguilera from the 90s merged with the first era of Lady Gaga, committed to an extremely curious asymmetric hairstyle, and continuously dressed like one of the higher-quality local drag queens in your area. Elton John was honored at last week’s iHeart Radio Music Awards and Ava, who was there, was asked about him. Well, Ava’s PR person needs to remember to Google literally one fact about the person getting a tribute before kicking Ava out onto the red carpet because she couldn’t name her favorite Elton John song. Poor Ava was stumped like Paula Abdul being asked to name anyone who won American Idol after Kelly Clarkson.

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