Category: Guy Fieri

Open Post: Hosted By Dolly Parton Already Working On Making 2023 Better For Us All

January 5, 2023 / Posted by:

I just knew Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda were gonna try to pull Dolly Parton into this mess! And here we are. Consequences of Sound reports that Dolly’s going to contribute to a song on the soundtrack for 80 for Brady, that CTE inducing movie produced by Tom Brady, starring Dolly’s old 9 to 5 crew of working stiffs plus Rita Moreno and Sally Field pretending they’ve never seen an Oscars podium before. But if anybody’s going to save that drek from complete and utter dreckitude, it’s Dolly. Shit, she saved the Mexican Pizza AND New Year’s Eve. So she should have no problem saving her girls from making absolute fools of themselves. But Harry Hamlin’s on his own!

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Open Post: Hosted By The Trailer For Tom Brady’s Passion Project “80 For Brady” AKA The Passion Of The Yikes

November 17, 2022 / Posted by:

I don’t know why it happened, I don’t know how it happened. Similarly, I don’t know what it’s for, and I don’t know who it’s for. Nor do I know when it happened, or, after having watched the trailer, IF it actually happened at all. By my count, no fewer than seven CGI Guy Fieri’s are featured here. Variety has attempted to outline a few of the basic facts related to 80 for Brady, a movie starring four of Hollywood’s most iconic actresses as obsessed Tom Brady fans who “travel to the 2017 Super Bowl to see Brady on the field,” but unfortunately, their reporting has left me with more questions than answers. The only thing I’m 100% sure about in regards to 80 for Brady, produced by and starring Tom as himself, and Tom’s work wife, Rob Gronkowski, as the inspiration for one of the ladies’ “Gronk erotica,” is that Gisele Bundchen’s jiu-jitsu instructor is definitely getting pinned tonight.

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Open Post: Hosted By Guy Fieri’s Parody Of Taylor Swift’s “Midnights” Album Cover

October 23, 2022 / Posted by:

Taylor Swift’s new album Midnights is out, much to the chagrin of John Mayer and ex-boyfriends of Swifties everywhere. It’s a great time to be a Taylor stan, but for those of you who are less pumpkin spicy and more chicken wing spicy, Guy Fieri has you covered. Get your ears ready for a ride into Flavortown because our favorite Food Network host teased the cover of his own never-to-be-released album aptly titled Flavors. It’s clearly a parody of Taylor’s Midnights, but I’m far more excited at the prospect of hearing Guy croon a song called “Key Lime Karma” than anything Taylor’s come up with!

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The Super Bowl Commercials Targeted A New Generation Of Old Folks

February 14, 2022 / Posted by:

I only realized it was Super Bowl Sunday when I went to Home Depot and the Garden Center was the only section seeing any action. The moment I realized I shouted “MOVE BITCH, I’M MISSING MY COMMERCIALS!” as I pushed an old lady into some zinnias and hightailed it to the car. But I was too late and by the time I got home, I had to find out on Twitter that cryptocurrency, useless apps, and hard seltzer are the future.

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Open Post: Hosted By Guy Fieri Agreeing To Officiate Kristen Stewart’s Wedding

November 5, 2021 / Posted by:

Kristen Stewart recently announced that she’s engaged to her girlfriend of two years, Dylan Meyer, who proposed to Kristen just before putting a vampire baby in her womb which ate her from the inside out. Wait, sorry–we keep mixing up Kristen’s life with Twilight–which was definitely not included in her personal top 5 movies she’s made. While Kristen’s engagement and relationship, in general, has been very low-key, it seems her wedding may not be as Guy Fieri has heard the call and he informed Kristen on The Today Show that he would love to officiate her wedding. “As Mayor of Flavortown, I now pronounce you married!”

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Bobby Flay Reportedly Wanted A $100 Million Contract With Food Network

October 13, 2021 / Posted by:

Bobby Flay recently broke up with Food Network, where he’d been a staple with tons of shows on the network since he started there in 1996. But sadly the good times didn’t last, and it was reported last week the two split over money. Well now we know just how much money, and it was a lot. Not buy-a-penthouse-in-London-a lot, but still. Sources say that Bobby was aiming to surpass 53-year-old Guy Fieri as the highest-paid chef on Food Network. Flavortown is paved in gold, honey! But he was asking for way too much and wanted a $100 million contract.

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