Category: Guy Fieri
There’s A Petition To Rename Columbus, Ohio “Flavortown” In Honor Of Guy Fieri
Columbus, Ohio. It’s the capital city of Ohio, aaaand… welp, that’s where my knowledge ends (and real talk, I had to look up the “capital city” part). But the city is making headlines because of one of its famous former residents… Human Dorito, Guy Fieri. Here I was thinking that Guy hatched in a Vegas chop shop during a storm, but, nope, Columbus-born.
Right now there are a bunch of important petitions circulating, and Columbus resident Tyler Woodbridge thought he’d join the fight for change. He’s asking the mayor and city council to change Columbus’ name to “Flavortown”, which is the term Guy uses for delicious food. The petition already has 31,000 signatures. Tyler says the name change will both honor Guy Fieri and address the horrors committed by the city’s current namesake, Christopher Columbus. Continue reading
Guy Fieri Offers To Make Radioactive Ribs For The Area 51 Raid
Unless you live under a rock or don’t have THAT crazy family member texting endlessly about government conspiracies, then you’ve probably heard of Storm Area 51. Which is basically a bunch alien truth(ers) who are going to storm area 51 to get access to all the governments secrets regarding Aliens. And to also figure out where the fuck ALF is?! No one’s seem him in years and then the Alf dad just happens to die. Strange.
This whole Storm Area 51 mess is gaining more and more traction which means it’s getting more and more credence with celebs like, Guy Fieri, talking about it. And by “credence,” I mean BBQsauce.
Guy Fieri’s Times Square Culinary Mecca Is Closing
People always say Conde Nast shut down Gourmet Magazine because readership was low, and it was an elitist magazine at a time when the financial crisis had everyone worried about more important things than a last-minute puttanesca. But that’s a total lie. It was because they knew Guy Fieri was planning to open Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar, and once it opened, there was no point in running a food magazine since all its pages would have to be filled with the gourmet findings on Guy’s menu. Alas, after five years, the Times Square beacon that welcomed tourists from Muncie with open arms will serve its last mozzarella stick on New Year’s Eve. Continue reading
Guy Fieri Is Sick Of Anthony Bourdain Constantly Talking Shit
One of Anthony Bourdain’s signature dishes is shit-talking soufflé, which many people can’t get enough of and wants several servings of. Anthony regularly trashes TV cooks from Paula Deen to Rachael Ray to Adam Richman to tablescape earth angel Sandra Lee. (I still can’t with Anthony for dragging Our Patron Saint of Kwanzaa Cakes.) But one of Anthony’s favorite targets to shit all over is hairy bleached hedgehog wart Guy Fieri. Anthony Bourdain has said that Guy Fieri is what you would get “if Ed Hardy fucked a Juggalo” and called his Times Square emporium of vending machine cuisine a “terror dome.” Surprisingly, Guy is not amused.
And Now Anthony Bourdain Will Drag Douchey Porcupine Guy Fieri
I will never ever forgive Anthony Bourdain for calling Royal Academy of Arts-trained tablescape artist and drunk angel Sandra Lee “pure evil” and the “hell spawn of Kathie Lee and Betty Crocker.” The only way I’ll ever forgive him is if he takes his show Parts Unknown to a dark and dangerous place called my b-hole. Yes, they’ll have to change the name of the show to Parts Too Known for that episode. However, my mouth still waters when Anthony whips up a good old-fashioned flambéed bowl of cunt stew with a side of mashed snark. Anthony served some of that up during the Atlanta, GA stop of his national tour last Saturday.
Guy Fieri Married 101 Same-Sex Couples This Weekend In Florida
If you know anyone who works at Webster’s, do them a favor and send some dinner over to their office tonight; I have a feeling they’re going to be putting in some extra hours after this story broke and they were forced to rewrite the definition of the word random. Humanoid chicken nugget/donkey sauce enthusiast/professional diarrhea maker Guy Fieri must have finally overcome his crippling fear of gay people, because this weekend he decided to marry a bunch of them in Florida.
Page Six says that Guy Fieri performed 101 same-sex wedding ceremonies during the annual South Beach Wine & Food Festival in Miami this weekend. Guy’s friend and fellow chef Art Smith (referring to Guy as a ‘chef’ might have been the most offensive thing I’ve ever written on this site, BTW) announced shortly after same-sex marriage became legal in Florida back in January that the first 101 same-sex couples to tweet the hashtag #101gayweddings would get married en masse at the The James Royal Palm hotel in Miami.
I don’t know if Art Smith also mentioned that the person doing the dearly beloveds would be the mistake baby of Joey Fatone and a box of Clairol Frost & Tip, but I would assume not, since he probably didn’t want a bunch of people responding to his contest with the hashtag #thanksbutnothanks. And for those of you wondering why Guy Fieri officiated the 101 weddings, Page Six says it was to honor the memory of his late sister, who was a lesbian.
And to explain that picture above, Guy Fieri was joined by Duff Goldman, who made the wedding cake, and Ted Allen, who was there because Ted Allen is awesome and should be invited to everything.
I know it’s random as hell, but it sort of makes sense that Guy Fieri is an ordained minister. He’s been bringing people and toilets together for years, so it’s about time he branched out and started bringing people together with other people.
Pic: Twitter