Here’s The Final Cut Of “Gotta Be You” From “80 For Brady” Feat. Dolly Parton, Cyndi Lauper, Gloria Estefan And Their Kid Sister Belinda Carlisle
Dolly Parton famously wrote I Will Always Love You and Jolene on the same night, so it should be no surprise that she was able to squirt out a dribbly little ditty as a favor to a couple of old friends in less time than it takes her to remove her false eyelashes at the end of the day. When Dolly’s homegirls Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin found themselves in a bind, having agreed to go against God’s Plan by signing up for starring roles in Tom Brady’s mid-post-post-career vanity project, 80 for Brady, alongside Sally Field and Rita Moreno, and needed help, Dolly was right there to lend a hand. And Dolly’s no Rose from Titanic! Her door is as wide as it is strong, and it’s always open to a friend in need. Dolly secured her rings and baubles and such before reaching her hand down into the frigid, inky-black depths of Tom’s ego and pulled her girls to safety. She then got her little orange emergency whistle out and started looking for other innocent souls at risk of drowning in Tom’s insatiable abyss. As dawn arose on that fateful night, Dolly’s door was teeming with refugees from the floating wreckage of Tom’s post-divorce career.
I just knew Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda were gonna try to pull Dolly Parton into this mess! And here we are. Consequences of Sound reports that Dolly’s going to contribute to a song on the soundtrack for 80 for Brady, that CTE inducing movie produced by Tom Brady, starring Dolly’s old 9 to 5 crew of working stiffs plus Rita Moreno and Sally Field pretending they’ve never seen an Oscars podium before. But if anybody’s going to save that drek from complete and utter dreckitude, it’s Dolly. Shit, she saved the Mexican Pizza AND New Year’s Eve. So she should have no problem saving her girls from making absolute fools of themselves. But Harry Hamlin’s on his own!
Open Post: Hosted By The Trailer For Tom Brady’s Passion Project “80 For Brady” AKA The Passion Of The Yikes
I don’t know why it happened, I don’t know how it happened. Similarly, I don’t know what it’s for, and I don’t know who it’s for. Nor do I know when it happened, or, after having watched the trailer, IF it actually happened at all. By my count, no fewer than seven CGI Guy Fieri’s are featured here. Variety has attempted to outline a few of the basic facts related to 80 for Brady, a movie starring four of Hollywood’s most iconic actresses as obsessed Tom Brady fans who “travel to the 2017 Super Bowl to see Brady on the field,” but unfortunately, their reporting has left me with more questions than answers. The only thing I’m 100% sure about in regards to 80 for Brady, produced by and starring Tom as himself, and Tom’s work wife, Rob Gronkowski, as the inspiration for one of the ladies’ “Gronk erotica,” is that Gisele Bundchen’s jiu-jitsu instructor is definitely getting pinned tonight.
Jane Fonda has had her ass locked up 4 times while trying to follow in Greta Thunberg‘s footsteps and get us to stop killing the planet. But now she has to be careful, because one more arrest could mean a lot more time in the clink. But she’s expected to protest next week, and it hasn’t stopped Jane from still bringing along famous friends to get arrested for her! Enter: Sally Field.
If it looks like a doddering old pepaw, and makes weird, questionable remarks like a doddering old pepaw, then guess what. It’s a doddering old peeaw! That’s the lesson learned from Burt Reynolds’ attempt to explain his “say what now?” comments to Hoda Kotb on Today about her purdy mouth and his love of a 7-year-old Sally Field who he didn’t actually meet until she was 31.
Burt Reynolds is 82 years old. Some people in their 80s are still sharper than the spines on a cat’s dick and have got the energy of youngins a third of their age (see: Rita Moreno and Jane Fonda). But other people in their 80s, have the energy of a corpse that’s been reanimated using half-depleted AA batteries found in your grandma’s freezer, and say weird shit. Burt Reynolds falls into the second category.
Burt was on Today this morning, and when he wasn’t becoming Subway Jared’s new favorite actor, he was hypnotized by Hoda Kotb’s anti-Brielle Bermann lips.