The Grammys Committee Might Have Shut Out The Weeknd Because He Chose To Perform At The Super Bowl (But The Head Of The Grammys Denies This)
Yesterday the Recording Academy announced their nominations for the 2021 Grammy Awards and many pointed out that The Weeknd was snubbed for his critically acclaimed album After Hours. To borrow a Mean Girls metaphor, The Weeknd was Gretchen Wieners, and there was no candy canes for him in the Grammy’s bag yesterday. As it turns out, there might be a reason why The Weeknd has been shut out of the 2021 Grammys, and it has to do with the Super Bowl.
Get ready for moms everywhere to say, “Honey, why can’t that fella feel his face? Is it because he’s taking Lipitor, because when I was taking Lipitor, I had tingling in my face so my doctor switched me to Lisinopril and it helped. Someone should tell him, and you know, the game is only halfway done and you just finished your ninth beer. Here have some water…” Because The Weeknd will headline the 2021 Super Bowl Halftime Show. You know, the Halftime Show being filled with songs about drugs, betrayal, orgies, heartbreak, drugs, sadness, bad relationship decisions, and drugs is perfect for these times. And yes, I responded to the news by calling 911 and saying, “Yes, I’d like to report a grand theft incident against the Super Bowl people. They robbed Charo AGAIN!”
It’s been over three weeks since Jennifer Lopez and Shakira graced us with their booty shaking/belly dancing/tongue wagging Super Bowl halftime show. I loved it. I loved the kids in cages border references I didn’t get the first time around, I loved Shakira bringing Arabic/Latin music to White America, and I loved JLo showing the Oscars exactly what they snubbed with her Hustlers pole dancing routine. But not everyone agreed. The FCC said they received over 1,300 complaints about the halftime show, and they posted the complaints (anonymously) on their website. Continue reading
Jennifer Lopez And Roc Nation Reportedly Clashed Over That Border Crisis Statement During The Super Bowl Halftime Show (UPDATE)
Jennifer Lopez and Shakira turned the Super Bowl LIV halftime show into an extravaganzaaaaa. They shook their thangs, brought the memes, worked the pole, and made a political statement about immigration in the U.S. But that last part was a bit iffy for some involved in the show, namely Jay-Z. It’s now being reported that Jay-Z and Jennifer bumped heads over the whole latin-kids-singing-about-being-American-while-trapped-in-cages thing. He wanted her to not do that. But the only thing Jennifer Lopez doesn’t do? Is drive to the Oscars.
When it was announced that Demi Lovato was going to continue her comeback by singing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl, I nearly did my part as a lover of animal friends by passing around ear plugs to the dogs in the neighborhood since sometimes her scream-singing probably makes a dog feel like they’re getting raw fucked in the ear by an entire fireworks show. While some hoped that Demi would scream-sing so hard that she’d scream-sing off those thirty layers of roasted Oompa Loompa Bronzer on her, Demi kept the scream-singing mostly under control and did the National Anthem good. On a scale from Roseanne to Whitney, she was definitely much, much closer to Whitney. Although, if Demi’s vocal cords were possessed by a constipated demon with laryngitis and she sang the National Anthem while getting a bikini wax, she’d still sound a million times better than Roseanne.
And as Demi let out a stream of patriotic music notes, Beyonce and Jay-Z stayed sitting as though Joaquin Phoenix won another award in front of them.
Super Bowl LIV (that’s 54 for us regular people) happened yesterday in Miami between the Kansas City Chiefs and the San Fransisco 49ers. Kansas City won–if you care about that sort of thing. But you know what I care about? THE HALFTIME SHOW! The real story here is about Oscar-snubee, Jennifer Lopez, and tax-avoidee, Shakira. The EYES OF THE CHILDREN are forever tainted this morning thanks to JLo and Shakira scandalizing the world with their ass shaking and coochie close-ups.
JLo also brought her 11-year-old daughter Emme to the Halftime Show, and so you know what that means. There are now articles like “5 Things To Know About Jennifer Lopez’s Daughter.” Meanwhile, after last night’s football game the only article I keep pitching is: “Who The Fuck Is Travis Kelce And Can He Break My Spine?“