Here’s The Final Cut Of “Gotta Be You” From “80 For Brady” Feat. Dolly Parton, Cyndi Lauper, Gloria Estefan And Their Kid Sister Belinda Carlisle
Dolly Parton famously wrote I Will Always Love You and Jolene on the same night, so it should be no surprise that she was able to squirt out a dribbly little ditty as a favor to a couple of old friends in less time than it takes her to remove her false eyelashes at the end of the day. When Dolly’s homegirls Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin found themselves in a bind, having agreed to go against God’s Plan by signing up for starring roles in Tom Brady’s mid-post-post-career vanity project, 80 for Brady, alongside Sally Field and Rita Moreno, and needed help, Dolly was right there to lend a hand. And Dolly’s no Rose from Titanic! Her door is as wide as it is strong, and it’s always open to a friend in need. Dolly secured her rings and baubles and such before reaching her hand down into the frigid, inky-black depths of Tom’s ego and pulled her girls to safety. She then got her little orange emergency whistle out and started looking for other innocent souls at risk of drowning in Tom’s insatiable abyss. As dawn arose on that fateful night, Dolly’s door was teeming with refugees from the floating wreckage of Tom’s post-divorce career.
I just knew Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda were gonna try to pull Dolly Parton into this mess! And here we are. Consequences of Sound reports that Dolly’s going to contribute to a song on the soundtrack for 80 for Brady, that CTE inducing movie produced by Tom Brady, starring Dolly’s old 9 to 5 crew of working stiffs plus Rita Moreno and Sally Field pretending they’ve never seen an Oscars podium before. But if anybody’s going to save that drek from complete and utter dreckitude, it’s Dolly. Shit, she saved the Mexican Pizza AND New Year’s Eve. So she should have no problem saving her girls from making absolute fools of themselves. But Harry Hamlin’s on his own!
Iman is 66 years young and still stunting on all these little TikTokers and influencers who managed to score an invite to the 2021 Met Gala. Iman showed up as the most important thing in the galaxy: THE SUN. Not sure what it had to do with the theme, In America: A Lexicon Of Fashion, who cares. It’s Iman! And other icons who graced the Met Gala with their presences included Debbie Harry, Whoopi Goldberg, and Sharon Stone.
Behold, Debbie Harry looking like the majestic High Priestess of Weaves that one hallucinates about after inhaling a giant cloud of weave glue fumes.
At the opening of Charliewood: An Exhibition Of Transgressive Movement in NYC last night, Debbie Harry wore enough weaves to cover the heads of most of the Real Housewives. Debbie looked like a fabulous weave creature that lives deep inside of Beyonce’s massive wig room. I bet that polyester hair from Debbie’s wig and jacket went everywhere and guests were pulling that shit out of their mouths like they just sucked on a pair of extra hairy balls. But I doubt that they cared, because that’s a tiny price to pay for being in the presence of Debbie and her hairy glamour.
And I’m sure all of us have asked the question, “What would the grown baby of Cousin Itt and Holly Golightly look like?” Now thanks to Debbie we know that the answer is: GORGEOUS!
When Oprah interviewed Paula Deen for Oprah’s Next Chapter last year, she stayed in the Deen family “guest house” in Georgia and now she knows why the “guest house” was actually a shack in the backyard and why there was an Aunt Jemima costume and a dinner bell lying on her cot. The Mighty O got to know Paula Deen, so at last night’s premiere of Lee Daniels’ The Butler in NYC, everybody with a mic asked her about it. Oprah recently said no friend of hers will ever use the n-word around her, so I’m surprised she didn’t tell reporters, “Paula who? Oh, you mean the Miss Millie whose company I’m going to buy with my play money and DESTROY just for fun?” Oprah told Entertainment Tonight that Paula is not the first white woman to use the n-word and also said that she tried to call Paula’s ass.
“In the very first days I tried to reach her and then I decided to stay out of it as I saw it blowing up. In time she will be fine. For me, it all just felt kind of sad.
Nobody in their right mind is going to call me the N-word. You know, you see those fools on Twitter sometime say ridiculous things. But nobody in their right mind is going to do that to my face, because true racism is being able to have power over somebody else. So that doesn’t happen to me that way.”
That’s Oprah’s way of saying, “I’m God, bitch,” and it’s also Oprah’s way of telling Squeak to come call her a “field nigger” to her face, because she really wants to tit pound that bitch through all the layers of the Earth into Hell.
Here’s more of FroPrah and Ted Head Stedman at last night’s The Butler premiere. I also threw in a bunch of pictures of other hos there including Mimi who showed up wearing a sling that can double as a studded fisting glove.
This might come as a shock to you, but the dim dumb douche who got trolled hard by Amber Rose Tamblyn said some stupid shit in an interview the other day. Steam shower scientist Tyrese told AllHipHop.com (via HuffPo) that fat people are nasty and nasty fat people take hot showers so their bathroom mirrors will get steamed up and they don’t have to look at their fat nasty bodies.
AHH: What kind of responsibility do you feel as an entertainer, you have to inspire people to live healthier lifestyles?
Tyrese: No two situations are the same. If you are fat and nasty and you don’t like the way you look, do something about it. It’s simple.
When you take a shower and you put your fat, nasty body in the shower and by the time you get out, the mirrors are all steamed up so you don’t look at what you did to yourself. That may sound offensive or insensitive but ultimately, you are big as hell because you have earned that shit. You worked your ass off to eat everything in sight to get big as hell.
If you got a problem with the way you look, then you need to do something about it. Excuses sound best to the people that’s making them up.
This isn’t the first time Tyrese has called steam out for being a fat-shaming vapor. In 2009, he told Men’s Health that he’s thankful to steam, because it hid his fat body from him when he gained 50 pounds.
“How lucky is it that mirrors steam up after a hot shower? I didn’t have to look at what I’d done to myself.”
Steam: so THAT’S how it works. Tyrese just blew some scientific minds, because we now know why steam exists. Steam solely exists to cover up mirrors so we don’t have to look at our fat guts. The more we know.
Speaking of blown minds, you better put on your rain gear if you’re standing next to Tyrese, because if he has a mind, I’m about to blow it. If fat people smear a little shampoo on the mirror before a hot shower, they’ll be able to see their bodies afterward. I know, I think I just broke Tyrese.