Category: Keegan-Michael Key

Open Post: Hosted By The Full Trailer For Disney’s Live-Action Remake Of “Pinocchio”

August 25, 2022 / Posted by:

I still haven’t seen Baz Luhrmann’s Elvis but after covering it at length, I think I get the basics. Block headed boy is taken under the wing of an elderly stage manager type with suspicious motives and a broadly “European” accent played by Tom Hanks who pulls his strings to make him sing and dance which he’s not really good at until he meets a Black musician who animates his hips and the boy gets super famous and runs off to live a life of and debauchery and adventure before ultimately dying alone on the shitter. Have I got that right or did I just describe to you the entire plot of Robert ZemeckisPinocchio? I’d argue both are correct.

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Chris Pratt Will Voice Super Mario In An Upcoming Animated Film, And The Internet Has Thoughts On That

September 24, 2021 / Posted by:

Super Mario, the world’s most famous princess-rescuing Italian in overalls, will be getting another big-screen Hollywood movie. Mario’s first was the 1993 fever dream Super Mario Bros.: The Movie. This new one is an animated movie and the actor whose voice will bring Mario’s peppy, joyful Italian-accented personality to life is…Chris Pratt. If your immediate response was to check and see if I spelled someone else’s name wrong, well – you’d be in good company with the rest of the internet, who also have no idea why Chris Pratt got the job.

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Open Post: Hosted By The Trailer For Ryan Murphy’s “The Prom”

October 22, 2020 / Posted by:

I watched this new trailer for the Ryan Murphy’s take on the Broadway musical The Prom for Netflix and thought, “oh, so it’s like if Ryan Murphy did Glee” and it took me waaaaay too long to remember that Ryan Murphy actually made Glee so now I guess I’ll say “oh, it’s like if 2010 Ryan Murphy had 2020 Ryan Murphy money plus Meryl Streep!” Or maybe since Nicole Kidman is in it, it’s more like, “oh, so it’s Baz Luhrmann Presents: Glee.” At any rate The Prom is very, very shiny.

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Beyonce Is Putting Out An Entire “Lion King-Inspired” Album

July 10, 2019 / Posted by:

Now we know why Disney decided to do an all-CGI remake (although, it’s supposed to be GAME CHANGING!) of their cartoon movie The Lion King. It isn’t just because those greedy overlords at Disney knew that they could throw their logo on any summertime movie and it’ll allow them to say, “Sure, order four!”, with ease when Mickey Mouse calls asking if he can order another crate of vintage Dom Perignon while partying with his side-hos and Leonardo DiCaprio on his yacht in Italy somewhere. They knew that if they got Beyonce to graciously possess the body of a CGI Nala with her ethereal holiness, they might also get her to make an entire Lion King album, and then they’d make even more money.

Well, Mickey Mouse can go ahead and make it rain $1,000 cashiers checks instead of $100 bills on his yacht girls this summer, because Beyonce (and her ghost curators) has curated an entire album inspired by The Lion King.

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Keegan-Michael Key’s Ex Wife Did Pretty Well With An Oddly Timed Divorce Settlement

November 17, 2017 / Posted by:

People reports that Keegan-Michael Key’s divorce from his ex wife Cynthia Blaise was finalized just days before he announced his engagement to his next wife Elisa Pugliese. I felt badly for Cynthia because she and KMK were married for 206 Hollywood years, she supported his ass when he was trying to make it, and she had a really rough time physically and emotionally when they were in the process of divorcing.

Thankfully, it looks like KMK has agreed to a very generous divorce settlement (or was forced into one, either way, yay). It’s almost enough for me to forgive him for using the “she said yes!” line in his engagement announcement which is the straight male equivalent to “he went to Jared!”. Gross. And grosser.

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