He looks like if Damien from The Omen got a job at Jiffy Lube. That’s current Hollywood slobber object Timothee Chalamat holding his statue for Best Male Lead for his part as a teenage twink in love with a much older dude in Call Me By Your Name. The Independent Spirit Awards were held yesterday. Variety reports that Jordan Peele’s “white people really ARE evil!” horror/comedy/satire Get Out won for Best Feature and Best Director, and honestly, why is Timothee dressed like a gas station attendant? Surely choosing an outfit for these things isn’t that much of a stressor that you say “eff it” and go with coveralls?
Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is an out and proud feminist, and when he’s not making people shoot out a geyser of maple syrup foam into their pantaloons by throwing them a Sweet Valley High cover model smile, he’s making people shoot out a geyser of maple syrup foam into their pantaloons by supporting women’s rights. But there was a time not too long ago when Justin Trudeau didn’t know that men could be feminists. But then while watching a video of Joseph Gordon-Levitt in 2014, PM Trudeau learned that it is okay for men to say they are feminists. His mind was blown the same way my mind was blown when I learned that cats aren’t only girls and dogs aren’t only boys. No, I didn’t just learn that last week. It was last month, you stupid asshole.
Almost two years ago, Joseph Gordon-Levitt – the preteen crush of many – became a dad for the first time when his not-a-famous-person wife Tasha McCauley gave birth to a son. A few months ago, JGL and Tasha were seen walking around Beverly Hills and she appeared to be pregnant. Joseph and Tasha try to keep their life private, so there was no standard Clearblue announcement. Well, his rep has confirmed to People that their second baby has been born.
In true private people fashion, the announcement is coming long after the actual day it happened. According to Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s rep, their second son was born way back in June. No other details are known. And since Joseph has made it very clear in the past that he and his wife aren’t about that, then “JGL has second baby son” is all we’re getting.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt is one of those people who has really followed-through on his promise to let his kids live a private life. I can see two benefits to that. One, because he’ll never have to deal with thousands of strangers’ parenting opinions on social media. I’m sure having that one relative who emails him about the dangers of plastic deli spoons and hidden toxins in animal crackers is enough. Two, his kids will never see a People magazine cover from the week of their birth and curse him out for putting them on there while they still looked like a wrinkly drowsy little raisin. “Are you serious? Don’t tell me that was the best picture of me to show millions of people.”
It’s been a few months since we’ve heard from Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and my brain forgotten about him. And today we’ve got the news that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is going to be a father again. Okay, universe, message received: I remember Joseph Gordon-Levitt! JGL was seen walking around in Beverly Hills yesterday with his robotics expert wife Tasha McCauley, who happened to look pregnant. His rep confirmed to E! News that that’s exactly what is going on there.
— E! News (@enews) May 4, 2017
Nothing else is known about JGL and Tasha’s new baby, and it’ll definitely stay that way. JGL got married in secret and the name of his almost 2-year-old son is a mystery. I appreciate JGL’s desire to keep his life to himself, but this really opens the ongoing debate as to whether fame is a nature vs. nurture situation. There’s a chance JGL’s new baby might not want to live such a private life. Who knows? That new baby could pop out and the first thing it reaches for is a phone to call Harvey Levin and “leak” its own birth details to TMZ.
Petite boy nymph Joseph Gordon-Levitt has always been “meh” to me, but seeing his uneven crotch beard sticking out of some black chonies while he sticks his hairy gut out and smokes on a miniature joint is doing things to my senses. Dude looks like a stoner Christian Grey. He’s giving me Fifty Shades of Funyuns.
JGL was crowned Harvard University’s Hasty Pudding Man of the Year on Friday and before he got to take home his award, he was roasted and had to complete a few challenges. JGL had to go through a bunch of obstacles like dry humping a drag queen’s ass and sucking on a cow’s tit like it was a rock hard peen. I know, Hasty Pudding calls those “obstacles” and Charlie Sheen it a slow weeknight.
And yes, yes, I’d hit it. I’d put on a cow costume and let him hit it while sucking on a fake joint.
Pic: AP, Getty
I’ll get to the people who were actually in Star Wars: The Force Awakens in a minute, but first, here’s some of the messes who weren’t in the movie but showed up because they either wanted to see it for free or they wanted to get their picture taken. Or both!
Joseph Gordon-Levitt led the LOOK AT ME train by showing up to the premiere in Hollywood looking like what I think is supposed to be Yoda? What in the hell kind of GD Yoda is that? Dude looks more like somebody’s mom answering the front door on a Sunday morning with a seaweed mask on her face. It looks like Shrek shot a 6-day load on his face. If the tip of JGL’s nerd boner gets moist for Star Wars, he should’ve tried a little bit harder. A hotel bathrobe, Grinch pajama bottoms from T.J. Maxx, converse and a baby poop face mask does not make a Yoda costume. Maybe JGL not-so-secretly hates Star Wars and his fuck effort outfit is his way of saying, “This shit is stupid.” Whatever the case may be, he should’ve been arrested for this.
Both Sofia Vergara and Maria Menonous wore Princess Leia-like hairstyles, and Jaime King, the den mother of Taylor Swift’s squad, also got an invitation for some reason and I don’t think she came dressed as one of the characters. I mean, I guess Jaime King can say she came dressed as a trick who had a one-night-stand with Chewbacca and made an outfit out of a bed sheet and his huge tuxedo shirt for the walk home. Will Taylor Swift please increase Jaime’s allowance so bitch can buy a real outfit? Jaime’s WTF ensemble is in the gallery as well as pictures of Karreuche Tran (???) and Leonardo DiCatchAHo’s latest piece. Attention Whores: The Thirst Awakens!
Pics: Wenn.com, Getty