I still haven’t seen Baz Luhrmann’s Elvis but after covering it at length, I think I get the basics. Block headed boy is taken under the wing of an elderly stage manager type with suspicious motives and a broadly “European” accent played by Tom Hanks who pulls his strings to make him sing and dance which he’s not really good at until he meets a Black musician who animates his hips and the boy gets super famous and runs off to live a life of and debauchery and adventure before ultimately dying alone on the shitter. Have I got that right or did I just describe to you the entire plot of Robert Zemeckis’ Pinocchio? I’d argue both are correct.
I’ve already seen 1971’s The Erotic Adventures of Pinocchio which is the only live-action Pinocchio I ever need to see, but since Disney didn’t get paid for that one they’re doing it themselves. In the first teaser trailer for Disney’s Pinocchio, Tom Hanks ditches the Flemish accent from Elvis in favor of a House of Geppetto accent as a creepy old man who gets on his hands and knees and wishes on a star for his wooden puppet to be transformed into a real boy knowing damn well every legitimate adoption agency in the world probably has his picture posted on the wall with the caption “DO NOT ADOPT TO THIS MAN. If you see him, please contact the F.B.I.”
Move over Piven, Irons and Renner, there’s a new eye-roll-inducing Jeremy on the scene! IndieWire reports that Succession star Jeremy Strong has been following in the hand cobbled footsteps of the MC Method Master, his one-time employer Daniel Day-Lewis, and is perhaps taking his role as one of the Chicago Seven, a bit too seriously. Jeremy plays civil rights activist Jerry Rubin in The Trial of the Chicago 7, an upcoming Netflix movie from Aaron Sorkin about the infamous trial that followed the aftermath of the protests at the 1968 Democratic Convention in Chicago. Apparently, not satisfied with doing the old Sorkin walk and talk, Jeremy asked to do a Sorkin walk and get sprayed in the face with actual tear gas. I can’t wait to see him on Broadway in For Method Actors Who Have Considered Tear Gas / When Onion Juice Is Enuf.
He looks like if Damien from The Omen got a job at Jiffy Lube. That’s current Hollywood slobber object Timothee Chalamat holding his statue for Best Male Lead for his part as a teenage twink in love with a much older dude in Call Me By Your Name. The Independent Spirit Awards were held yesterday. Variety reports that Jordan Peele’s “white people really ARE evil!” horror/comedy/satire Get Out won for Best Feature and Best Director, and honestly, why is Timothee dressed like a gas station attendant? Surely choosing an outfit for these things isn’t that much of a stressor that you say “eff it” and go with coveralls?
Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is an out and proud feminist, and when he’s not making people shoot out a geyser of maple syrup foam into their pantaloons by throwing them a Sweet Valley High cover model smile, he’s making people shoot out a geyser of maple syrup foam into their pantaloons by supporting women’s rights. But there was a time not too long ago when Justin Trudeau didn’t know that men could be feminists. But then while watching a video of Joseph Gordon-Levitt in 2014, PM Trudeau learned that it is okay for men to say they are feminists. His mind was blown the same way my mind was blown when I learned that cats aren’t only girls and dogs aren’t only boys. No, I didn’t just learn that last week. It was last month, you stupid asshole.
Almost two years ago, Joseph Gordon-Levitt – the preteen crush of many – became a dad for the first time when his not-a-famous-person wife Tasha McCauley gave birth to a son. A few months ago, JGL and Tasha were seen walking around Beverly Hills and she appeared to be pregnant. Joseph and Tasha try to keep their life private, so there was no standard Clearblue announcement. Well, his rep has confirmed to People that their second baby has been born.
In true private people fashion, the announcement is coming long after the actual day it happened. According to Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s rep, their second son was born way back in June. No other details are known. And since Joseph has made it very clear in the past that he and his wife aren’t about that, then “JGL has second baby son” is all we’re getting.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt is one of those people who has really followed-through on his promise to let his kids live a private life. I can see two benefits to that. One, because he’ll never have to deal with thousands of strangers’ parenting opinions on social media. I’m sure having that one relative who emails him about the dangers of plastic deli spoons and hidden toxins in animal crackers is enough. Two, his kids will never see a People magazine cover from the week of their birth and curse him out for putting them on there while they still looked like a wrinkly drowsy little raisin. “Are you serious? Don’t tell me that was the best picture of me to show millions of people.”