I’ve already seen 1971’s The Erotic Adventures of Pinocchio which is the only live-action Pinocchio I ever need to see, but since Disney didn’t get paid for that one they’re doing it themselves. In the first teaser trailer for Disney’s Pinocchio, Tom Hanks ditches the Flemish accent from Elvis in favor of a House of Geppetto accent as a creepy old man who gets on his hands and knees and wishes on a star for his wooden puppet to be transformed into a real boy knowing damn well every legitimate adoption agency in the world probably has his picture posted on the wall with the caption “DO NOT ADOPT TO THIS MAN. If you see him, please contact the F.B.I.”
Three Days After It Was Announced That Rita Ora Joined The “Beauty and The Beast” Prequel, Disney+ Canceled It
Disney’s Beauty and the Beast musical prequel series starring Luke Evans and Josh Gad as Gaston and his maybe-gay cohort LeFou is DEAD. On top of co-executive producing the show with Luke, Josh was also a writer on it, so the news probably hit him hard. But it may have hit Rita Ora harder because she was just announced as one of the show’s leads. The 8-episode series planned to start filming this summer, but Disney has pulled the plug over “creative reasons.”
Because Disney knows there are big dollars to be made in villain origin stories, they’ve greenlighted their prequel series for Disney+ based on Beauty and the Beast’s burly egg-chugging hunk Gaston, and his goofy little friend-slash-sort of implied boyfriend LeFou. It will be set several years before Bell and the Beast and all the talking clocks and candlesticks. Will we finally find out whether every last inch of Gaston really is covered in hair, as he claims? Well, it’s Disney+, so we probably won’t be getting a shot of full-frontal Gaston (just a hunch!). As for another “exclusively gay moment,” we’ll have to wait and see on that.
Anyone who has seen a picture of Luke Evans at the beach knows that Luke Evans has an (ahem) boddy-oddy-oddy. And anybody who has seen a recent-ish picture knows that Luke has been on a shredded-body journey. And yesterday, Luke posted a side-by-side to Instagram to show everyone what he’s been up to in quarantine. Guess what, he’s been making the most of it, apparently. Can you believe there are some people who don’t spend every day in quarantine, curled into a ball, shoving pints of Ben & Jerry’s in their mouth for the serotonin boost? Luke has been working out his body day and night, but don’t ask Luke any specifics about his progress – that’s not the point! At least according to Luke.
Beyoncé graciously graced the world with her presence during these trying times. Billboard says all the stars showed up for Disney’s The Disney Family Sing-Along, which aired on ABC last night. The show was done in partnership with Feeding America and was hosted by Ryan Seacrest and featured famous types yodeling out Disney songs. Gal Gadot is shook.
Luke Evans, he of the revolving closet door and live-action Beauty and the Beast fame, strode out of the water in Miami yesterday looking fit. And without his nipple piercings! Maybe he got tired of having to take off his shirt at the airport whenever he set the scanner off. I myself keep setting it off on account of being too sweaty (ugh, I know) and, let me tell you, the gropings I receive are NOT worth it when it’s a tired-looking mom of three who looks decidedly unthrilled to be brushing the back of her hand against my junk. Same here, Maureen!