I’ve already seen 1971’s The Erotic Adventures of Pinocchio which is the only live-action Pinocchio I ever need to see, but since Disney didn’t get paid for that one they’re doing it themselves. In the first teaser trailer for Disney’s Pinocchio, Tom Hanks ditches the Flemish accent from Elvis in favor of a House of Geppetto accent as a creepy old man who gets on his hands and knees and wishes on a star for his wooden puppet to be transformed into a real boy knowing damn well every legitimate adoption agency in the world probably has his picture posted on the wall with the caption “DO NOT ADOPT TO THIS MAN. If you see him, please contact the F.B.I.”
Disney’s new Pinnochio is directed by Robert Zemeckis and stars Tom as Geppetto, Cynthia Erivo as the Blue Fairy, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Jiminy Cricket. It will premiere on Disney + on September 8, just a couple of months before Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio premieres on Netflix. I know which one I’d rather watch. (hint: it’s the one most likely to reference 1971s The Erotic Adventures of Pinocchio by having Pinocchio return the favor after being swallowed by the whale.) Here’s the teaser.
Sorry to those who thought Disney might actually do something interesting with this property. Personally, I was kind of hoping they’d take the darker route they hinted at a few years back.
Disney just deleted the “dead inside” tweet. pic.twitter.com/bebFlBQW3m
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) April 9, 2018
So I don’t know who is clamoring for this other than die-hard Disney stans who get erect every time they hear When You Wish Upon A Star, but according to CBR, Luke Evans will play “the coachman who escorts Pinocchio and the boys to Pleasure Island,” so maybe there’s an audience for this that I hadn’t considered before. But if it’s who I’m thinking of, wouldn’t it have been smarter to release it in time for Pride?