Category: THE QUEEN
King Charles Hosted His First State Banquet As King
Last night was King Charles’ very first state banquet as monarch. The dinner was held for South Africa’s visiting president, Cyril Ramaphosa, who was originally scheduled to make the trip in September. THE QUEEN’S death forced him to reschedule. This banquet was a very big deal (for people who actually give a rat’s ass about the monarchy), so the Royals decided to to bust out the big guns. Their version of “the big guns” is, of course, sparkly tiaras. Queen Consort Camilla wore THE QUEEN’S Belgian Sapphire Tiara and Kate Middleton wore Queen Mary’s Lover’s Knot tiara. The King didn’t get to wear shit. He kept his dome diamond, sapphire, and hair-free. Continue reading
Prince Harry And Meghan Markle’s Netflix Docuseries Will Debut Next Month After All
It’s hard to believe that people, MYSELF INCLUDED, thought that the reign of King Charles III would be a flop. So it is with much humility and shame that I must commend him for the fortitude and bravery with which he has faced his toughest challenges as a monarch since outing himself as a feminine hygiene fetishist. From being portrayed by an egregiously more handsome man on The Crown, to ducking eggs like a nebbish third grader who inadvertently wandered into the middle of a dodgeball game, Chuckie Trips has handled himself with aplomb and barely even got ink in his mouth that one time he used that leaky pen. So I am now convinced that there is no storm that King Charles III can’t weather, and that includes Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s Netflix documentary series being released in time for Christmas, instead of next year as they reportedly wanted. Even if, as The Sun reports, Harry and Megan weren’t able to make the final changes they wanted to soften the blow in the wake of THE QUEEN’s passing. Now Charles, like Harry, Meghan and the rest of us, are just going to have to suck it up and raw-dog the truth. Consequences be damned!
Apparently Tom Cruise and THE QUEEN Became Secrets Friends Before Her Passing
Tom Cruise, the King, Queen, Prince, Princess, Duke, Duchess, and (insert every other royal title here) of Scientology, apparently was “secret friends” with THE QUEEN of England before her death at 96 in September. Not only does he play a special agent with super stealth skills in the Mission: Impossible franchise, but apparently, he treats his special friendships with a lot of secrecy as well. Sources claim Tommy and THE QUEEN (not to be confused with Tommy and THE QUEEF, aka Tom Cruise and David Miscavige) became friends over the summer. Queen Elizabeth’s husband, Prince Philip, died last year, so shameless Tommy was probably trying to woo THE QUEEN into signing on to be his next wife!
According To A Royal Author, King Charles Travels With A Teddy Bear And A Toilet Seat
Royal author Christopher Andersen has a new book coming out next week called The King: The Life of Charles III. In an interview with Entertainment Tonight, Christopher dished on some of King Charles’ weirdest quirks. Including the fact (err, allegation) that the 73-year-old travels with his childhood teddy bear and a custom-made toilet seat. Yeesh, I hope he doesn’t get those two mixed up.
King Charles Will Sell 14 Of THE QUEEN’S Horses
Everybody knows that THE QUEEN had three passions in life: gin, corgis, and horses. She loved riding them, breeding them, and watching them race (she made millions betting on races). At the time of her passing, Lizzie owned about 100 horses, and King Charles got to inherit all of them. Yesterday, the BBC reported that Charles decided to sell off 14 of the racehorses. Tattersalls auction house announced the news on Monday. One of the horses being sold is the filly Love Affairs. She was the Queen’s last winner at the Goodwood Racecourse, just two days before her September 8th death. Sooo, Love Affair is a cursed horse with a sinful name. Good riddance!
“The Crown” Hater Dame Judi Dench Was Reportedly In Talks To Play The Queen Mother In Season Five
Advantage: Dench. But at what cost? Yahoo! News reports that thanks to Dame Judi Dench’s op-ed that ran in The Sunday Times admonishing Netflix for playing fast and loose with the facts on its hit show The Crown, the network has capitulated and added a disclaimer under the season five trailer indicating that anything you might hear or see about, for example, King Charles III’s menstrual product fantasies in relation to Judi’s friend Queen Consort Camilla, is merely a “fictional dramatization,” of events that may or may not have occurred and been committed to tape for all the world to hear. Now, the only “crude sensationalism,” as Dame Judi so haughtily put it, Netflix can be accused of is leaking the fact that Dame Judi herself had been in talks to play The Queen Mother this season, but reportedly turned it down, in part, because they weren’t going to pay her as much as Imelda Staunton CBE, who plays THE QUEEN.