Tom Cruise, the King, Queen, Prince, Princess, Duke, Duchess, and (insert every other royal title here) of Scientology, apparently was “secret friends” with THE QUEEN of England before her death at 96 in September. Not only does he play a special agent with super stealth skills in the Mission: Impossible franchise, but apparently, he treats his special friendships with a lot of secrecy as well. Sources claim Tommy and THE QUEEN (not to be confused with Tommy and THE QUEEF, aka Tom Cruise and David Miscavige) became friends over the summer. Queen Elizabeth’s husband, Prince Philip, died last year, so shameless Tommy was probably trying to woo THE QUEEN into signing on to be his next wife!
It’s been three weeks since THE QUEEN passed away at age 96, and the cause of death is finally in: she ODed on tea and crumpets! Just joshin’, Lizzie actually passed away due to “old age,” same as her husband Prince Philip. People reports that the National Records of Scotland published this extremely shocking info in a document released today. Official time of death? 3:10 pm. So, if you popped a baby outta your cooch on September 8 at 3:11 PM (Greenwich Mean Time), congratulations! There’s a very good chance you’ll be raising a reincarnated royal.
THE QUEEN died this week and with her departure, she left behind a few things including an old teabag. No, not Prince Andrew. I said teabag, not scumbag. But if you want to own a piece of teabag history and have an eye for bargains, your chance to own THE QUEEN’S alleged teabag is just an eBay click away! For only $12,000 you can own THE QUEEN’s very own alleged tea bag. It would surely make a delightful conversation piece for any fancy dinner party.
Meghan Markle Is Reportedly Disappointed That The Palace Didn’t Release The Results Of Their Bullying Investigation, But Believes Her Name Has Been Cleared
Last month, it was reported that the results of Meghan Markle’s bullying investigation probably weren’t going to see the light of day. Truly a day that would live in infamy. The report was from Buckingham Palace’s investigation into the allegations that Meghan bullied palace staff when she was still a senior royal. That investigation came and went, and no one heard anything about the results, because the Palace didn’t want them to be seen. Meghan hasn’t said anything about the results of that investigation, but sources have spilled how she might feel about the whole situation, and generally, she’s a-ok with the Palace acting so sketchy about the results.
Queen Elizabeth’s long-anticipated Platinum Jubilee weekend spectacular has finally drawn to a close, and there were many notable moments. The only problem when you’re celebrating a 96-year-old monarch is that sometimes she’s not going to be there for those moments. The Queen hasn’t been feeling her absolute best in recent days, so her attendance record for this Jubilee was just a little more than spotty. Can you blame her? She’s old and rich. I wouldn’t be wasting my precious energy on any more waves and smiles than necessary either. But The Queen did show up for the final event of her four-day celebration, the Platinum Jubilee Pageant.
It’s all Jubilee, all the time in the UK right now, in honor of 96-year-old Queen Elizabeth’s 70 years on the throne. Liz is 96, so it should come as no surprise to anyone that after the excitement of yesterday’s Trooping of the Colour event, she likely flopped into a chair and hollered, “Hooo wee, that’s enough excitement for me! Cancel my plans for tomorrow and book me a foot massage.” Because Queen Elizabeth was supposed to attend the National Service of Thanksgiving today at St. Paul’s Cathedral, but she bailed. Everyone else showed up, including Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. And of course, their appearance had drama enthusiasts giddy with joy because they reportedly sat across the aisle from their least favorite couple in the UK, Prince William and Duchess Kate.