PRINCESS MOMS totally sounds like a Hallmark Channel movie about a commoner who marries a prince, pops out an heir, and now has to compete with a bunch of snooty stuck-up royal mommies who judge her for delaying the use of a training crown. It’s too bad Duchess Meghan doesn’t act in Hallmark movies anymore, because she’d be perfect for the lead role.
But if Meghan’s life does suck as much as the movie plot I just made up (and she claims it kind of does sometimes), then at least she’s got one ally on her team. And apparently it’s fellow royal mommy Duchess Kate.
Maybe 2019 will finally be Princess Beatrice’s year. People reports that Michael K’s 5th favorite royal (after Prince Hot Ginge, THE QUEEN, Susan the Corgi and The Original Fergie) is “completely head over heels in love” for the first time since breaking up with her previous boyfriend of 10 years in 2016. Bea’s new beau is “34-year-old multi-millionaire property tycoon” Eduardo Mapeli Mozzi. People says Edo (as he’s known) and Bea have known each other for years but that the “relationship didn’t turn romantic until recently”. However, this wouldn’t be a story about Princess Bea if there wasn’t a whiff of scandal in the air.
The Daily Mail suggests that Bea and Edo’s romance may have overlapped with the relationship Edo had with his fiancé of three years and mother of his 3-year-old son. I fully expect Bea to start a campaign to collect the world’s trombones and smelt them down into a fiery miasma because Womp, Womp, Womp, Wahhh.
What a great way to learn about daddy! It seems you don’t need to be a poorly-sex-educated person with a secret lover who’s free in the middle of the day to get the “You ARE the father!” treatment–you just need a secret lover! A former Romanian Prince, Nicholas Medforth-Mills, has learned–after years of denying it–that he in fact IS the father of a now-3-year-old daughter. Nicholas found out after he was forced into a paternity test, which is my personal favorite method of lineage revelation. I find it highly elegant. Like performance art, except it’s just messy real life.
Us Weekly reports that Duchess Meghan is really serious about this whole “normal mom” thing she’s got planned. It’s been reported for a while that the Duchess of Sussex and Price Harry are going to raise their new son Archie as a commoner. They want to raise their son away from the drama and conflama of being a royal and instead have him live the extremely regular life of your average extremely wealthy person who doesn’t deal with media scrutiny. Well now we’re getting more factoids being spread in the media coming from some people close to the Duchess all about how she’s going to be a normal, strict mom.
One Theory Is That Duchess Meghan And Prince Harry Didn’t Give Baby Archie A Title So He Can Be “Ordinary”
It’s being reported that the reason Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry chose not to give their new baby, Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor, a title isn’t because he already has a bunch of names and doesn’t need more. It’s because they want him to grow up and be an “ordinary” person. Look at them wanting to be “normal.” Well bitch, “normal” is struggling to pay bills! That’s what you want?!
Yesterday, when the internet filled to the top with nerd cream as all you damn nerds busted thousands of nerd nuts over the latest Game of Thrones episode and the Avengers: PleaseEndAlready, I put on my scuba mask while wading in the ocean of nerd jizz, and prayed that Duchess Meghan would continue to be the REBEL ROYAL by going into labor and streaming the birth of her baby live on Instagram. Maybe that would stop the non-stop chunky stream of GoT and Avengers talk (it wouldn’t have).
But it looks like my newest arch rival (because that baby gets to call Prince Hot Ginge “daddy“) still hasn’t exited Meghan’s womb and entered a life of royal luxury. Prince Hot Ginge was at the London Marathon yesterday, and so his baby wasn’t born yesterday, but that lucky bundle of freckliness is coming any day now. Just don’t ask Prince William when the kid is coming, because he’ll play dumb. What good is he?!