You ALL better bow down and get your curtsy’s correct because if not Queen Consort Camilla might take her scepter and knock you upside the head a few times. In May, once King Charles finally accepts the highest position at his company (aka The Windsor Family), his ride-or-die sidepiece wife will be Queen. When THE QUEEN died last year, and Prince Charles became King Charles, Camilla got the title of Queen Consort Camilla. But now it’s being reported that come May, Camilla won’t have that pesky “Consort” in her title anymore.
Both Adele And Ed Sheeran Have Reportedly Turned Down An Offer To Perform At King Charles’ Coronation
King Charles must know at this point nobody likes him. Because after Queen Elizabeth‘s passing last year, people have not taken too kindly to him or his ride-or-die wife Queen Consort Camilla. But none of that matters! He is now King and will be the star of his own coronation in May. However, there are two people he wanted to incorporate into the fun who do not want to be bothered with him at all. So when he looks into his sea of subjects for crimson-coiffed chanteuse Ed Sheeran and crybaby crooner Adele, King Charles can rest assured they will not be there for two very different reasons.
I think everyone knew after Queen Elizabeth‘s passing the impending reign of her son King Charles would be as welcome as stubbing your toe two times in one night. To say he’s not receiving a warm welcome would be an understatement, and his family continues sinking into the shambles of its former messiness since things have gotten much worse. Charles’ “subjects” do not want to be bothered with him or his ride-or-die sidepiece wife Queen Consort Camilla. So a few of his royal subjects reminded him that their Yelp review of his job performance still remains at “Would not recommend” during a recent royal outing.
Did you hear the story of how Prince Harry lost his virginity to an older woman behind a pub in 2001? Oh, you didn’t. Well, then I guess you haven’t been keeping up with the daring tales found in Harry’s hit memoir Spare (a.k.a I got more where that came from, Will and Kate!). Amongst the stories of brotherly brawls and weird war boasting, there was the tender tale of how Harry lost it. Everyone speculated that the “older woman” was someone famous while others like Rupert Everett declared for some reason that Harry was lying about the details and he knows who Harry lost his V-Card to. We can finally rest easy because the mystery woman has come out! And she’s a digger driver and former stable girl named Sasha Walpole.
Prince Harry Says That Camilla Planted Positive Stories In The Press To “Rehabilitate Her Image” As The “Villain”
In case you couldn’t tell by the 12,384,965,999 headlines about Prince Harry’s tell-all (and that’s a low ass estimate), Prince Harry has a tell-all, Spare, out this week. Penguin Random House reportedly paid Harry $20 million for his memoir, and sources claim it needs to sell at least 1.7 million copies to break even. So Harry is out there hustling like the mortgage on Chateau de Bottom-Joined Palm Trees was due last week. His interviews with 60 Minutes and ITV aired yesterday, his talk with Good Morning America came out today, and he’s on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert tomorrow night. All that peddling may be paying off because Spare is currently #1 on Amazon’s best-selling books list, even though it feels like every word of that book has already leaked. What else is there to read? Well, apparently, there’s more, including Harry accusing his stepmother Queen Consort Camilla of being a throne-climbing opportunist who’d stop at nothing to get her diabolical paws on the crown. Breaking news, I know.
Ever since Prince Harry announced the release of Spare, the internet has been abuzz with excerpts from the tell-all book. From the tale of fisticuffs between the two princes to the origins of the infamous Nazi uniform to Harry dragging William for his hair loss, the book contains a seemingly never-ending stream of embarrassing stories designed to last a Queen’s lifetime. So, what do the Royals think of Harry’s collection of bedtime stories for unloved boys? They’re pissed! Obviously.