Category: Royals

Prince William And Princess Kate Sat Courtside At A Boston Celtics Game Last Night, And They Were Booed

December 1, 2022 / Posted by:

Prince William and Princess Kate’s Caribbean tour earlier this year went over about as well as a Black woman who isn’t a first-generation African immigrant existing in Lady Hussey’s presence–which is not well at all–so as we know, they decided to take a working trip to somewhere known to be FAR more friendly and welcoming: Boston. Kate and William are in the city to attend the Earthshot Prize Awards and decided to go on a field trip to a Boston Celtics game where they sat courtside; because where else can you see Bostonians at their very dignified best than at one of their professional teams’ sporting events? But some Bostonians weren’t amused and welcomed the royals with boos and chants of “USA!”

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Lady Susan Hussey, One Of THE QUEEN’S Ladies In Waiting, Resigned After Repeatedly Asking Black Charity CEO Ngozi Fulani Where She Was “Really” From

November 30, 2022 / Posted by:

In a totally shocking turn of events, one of the Royals did something racist. Introducing Lady Susan Hussey, THE QUEEN’S former Woman of the Bedchamber (a top lady-in-waiting), Lady of the Household (that’s the title King Charles gave her after THE QUEEN’S death), and Prince William’s godmother. Last night, 83-year-old Lady Hussey attended a charity event at Buckingham Palace, also attended by Ngozi Fulani. Ngozi runs Sistah Space, an East London non-profit that supports Black women affected by abuse. Ngozi says Lady Hussey approached her ten minutes into the event. She moved Ngozi’s hair (!!!) to look at her name badge and asked, “Where are you from?” Oh no. Ngozi answered, “Sistah Space.” Lady Hussey asked again. Ngozi answered that her charity was based in Hackney. But we all know that’s not what Lady Hussey meant. She wanted to know where Ngozi’s “people” “really” came from. “What part of Africa are you from?” Ngozi transcribed Lady Hussey’s horrifyingly racist line of questioning on Twitter. After the post went viral, the BBC reported that Buckingham Palace had released a statement saying that “the individual concerned” was sorry and had immediately resigned from her position. Prince William also made his own statement. He said, via a spokesperson, that “racism has no place in our society.” Racism? Bad? Groundbreaking.

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King Charles Hosted His First State Banquet As King

November 23, 2022 / Posted by:

Last night was King Charles’ very first state banquet as monarch. The dinner was held for South Africa’s visiting president, Cyril Ramaphosa, who was originally scheduled to make the trip in September. THE QUEEN’S death forced him to reschedule. This banquet was a very big deal (for people who actually give a rat’s ass about the monarchy), so the Royals decided to to bust out the big guns. Their version of “the big guns” is, of course, sparkly tiaras. Queen Consort Camilla wore THE QUEEN’S Belgian Sapphire Tiara and Kate Middleton wore Queen Mary’s Lover’s Knot tiara. The King didn’t get to wear shit. He kept his dome diamond, sapphire, and hair-free. Continue reading

A Royal Expert Claims That Meghan Markle Asked Princess Kate To Be On Her Podcast

November 4, 2022 / Posted by:

There’s a rumor that Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle (pictured above approximately 4 billion years ago when they were still pretending to like each other) might reunite for an episode of Meghan’s podcast Archetypes. Express reports that Neil Sean, a “royal expert” (aren’t we all, at this point?) claimed Meghan asked Kate to guest on the podcast during her recent visit to the UK. I can see it now! “Today’s archetype is… evil, racist royals. What do you think about that particular archetype, Duchess Kate?”

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Mike Tindall, Husband Of THE QUEEN’S Granddaughter, Will Appear On “I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!”

October 12, 2022 / Posted by:

Hang onto your stupid, over-the-top British fancy hats, because, today, history has been made. The Sun is reporting that former rugby player Mike Tindall, who is married to Zara Tindall (THE QUEEN’S granddaughter/Princess Anne’s daughter), has signed on to star in the upcoming season of I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here! You know, that British reality show where stars must survive in the Australian wilderness and eat bugs and other gross shit for charity. Mike’s involvement will be the first time a Royal has appeared on reality TV. The first of many, hopefully. Now, let’s all close our eyes and manifest Queen Consort Camilla’s involvement in Celebrity Big Brother.

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Princess Kate Got Heckled In Northern Ireland

October 7, 2022 / Posted by:

Yesterday Kate Middleton and Prince William visited Northern Ireland to do royal shit (charity, trip to the bar, charity). Sounds fun! Except for the fact that many Irish people loathe the Royals with every fiber of their being. See: the Irish soccer fans who chanted “Lizzie’s in a box!” hours after THE QUEEN died. So it’s not surprising that Kate encountered some Troubles during a walkabout outside Carrickfergus Castle. People reports that while Kate was greeting people in the crowd, one woman took her hand and said, “Nice to meet you, but it would be better if it were when you were in your own country.” HA! All Kate could do was awkwardly laugh, cuz when ya burnt, ya burnt.

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