Since he’s absolutely done nothing wrong, I can understand why Prince Andrew, one of THE QUEEN’s only sons, is reportedly “in despair” that his rather homely older brother, King Charles III was the sole benefactor of their late mother THE QUEEN’s nearly $800M tax-free estate. Having myself been an only child, I can only imagine the humiliation and sadness he must feel. At least I got a 1999 Nissan Sentra when my mom kicked the bucket, but according to The Independent, Andrew has been left not only penniless but might be left with only his deceased father Prince Phillip’s Land Rover to drive. Which is indubitably haunted!
A TikTok user named Axel Webber has gone viral after posting a tour of his self-proclaimed “Smallest Apartment in New York.” Axel lives in the West Village, the same neighborhood as celebs like Sarah Jessica Parker, Scarlett Johansson, and Karlie Kloss. But unlike those richies, 22-year-old Axel can’t afford to spend more than $1,200 a month on rent. So he’s forced to make do with a “micro studio apartment” that’s only about 75 square feet. This shit makes Saddam Hussein’s spider-hole look like the Ritz!
Blake Shelton is a beer-drinkin’, guitar-strummin’, ranch ownin’, truck drivin’, sexy magazine-coverin’ Okie, who also just so happens to also be a country music and reality television star. And as such, Blake Shelton has a rumored net worth of $100 million. He’s also engaged to Gwen Stefani, a woman with a rumored net worth of $150 million. Still, all those dropped Gs are part of his brand, and he released the video for his new song, called “Minimum Wage,” on New Year’s Eve. It’s a song sung by a man about his lady, who can “make a man feel rich on minimum wage.” Blake Shelton is rich and likely hasn’t seen a minimum wage paycheck since Bill Clinton was in office. To the surprise of no one, I’m sure, there has been some backlash about Blake’s broke boy cosplay.
If there’s a full-length version of this picture, it might show Kelly Ripa using her non-camera-holding hand dropping a coin into an empty coffee cup belonging to her 22-year-old son, Michael Consuelos. Because Kelly revealed the shocking, devastating news that poor Michael (literally) is living in extreme poverty all the way out in the middle of…Brooklyn.
U.S. Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin had a hard enough time as it was being the guy in charge of all the cash under President Cheeto. His wife isn’t making things any easier. People reports Steve’s wife, 36-year-old Scottish-born actress Louise Linton, unfortunately hasn’t sipped whatever tranquility tea it is that Melania Trump guzzles every morning so she can make it through the day silently seething over how her gold digging path went so far astray. You know, normal politico bride-style shit.
Jean Paul Gaultier Debuts Couture Line For Children With $1,200 Dress (AKA A New Rag To Mop Up Blue Ivy’s Spills)
“How nice; now everyone can afford Gaultier” – Suri Cruise, as she sits on a throne made of human nannies.
No longer content with making clothes for rich people, Jean Paul Gaultier has decided that it’s time he start also catering to their rich crotch droppings as well. According to the Daily Mail, JPG (which is actually a pretty hot acronym) began making clothing for kids back in 2009 under the name Junior Gaultier, but he woke up one morning and thought ‘Why charge Normals hundreds for a dress when I could charge celebrities THOUSANDS?!’
Only one piece for the collection has been released so far, and it’s this Gap Kids c.2001-looking $1,200 silk and tulle dress that will be available in sizes 4 to 14 years old. I know that a $1,200 dress for a child seems ridiculous (because it’s well-known that children are just small drunk adults who spend a great deal of time falling down and pissing themselves) but to the rich, this is VALUE. This is Jean Paul Gaultier for TARGET. This is ‘John Paul Gotye‘ at a Florida swap meet. Real rich kids like Suri Cruise or Blue Ivy Carter could buy and sell your ass six times over, so a $1,200 dress is like a roll of Bounty towels to them.
Unless they need a new painting smock or a princess costume for Halloween, they won’t be caught dead in a dress that was bought off the rack. You think Apple Martin gets her dresses from the same store as Tori Spelling’s kids? Puh-lease. Here’s how it works: If Vivienne Jolie-Pitt wants a new dress, St. Angie summons 4 men in balaclavas to kidnap you in the dead of night, brings you to an unmarked warehouse somewhere in Cameroon, hands her assistant several hundred-year-old gold bars, which they then hands to you (you don’t get to touch the veiny extremities of the chosen!) and gives you 24 hours to create a unique child’s dress that will be worn once to a toy store in Australia, then promptly burned to a pile of ash.
The only person I can think of who is desperate enough to convince us they’re high-class and bougie enough for a $1,200 baby dress is Kris Jenner. You know she’s already put in an order for North West, Kourtney’s Kid (I cannot even bother to Google her name), and herself (“I’m practically the same size I was when I was 14!”)