Open Post: Hosted By Gabourey Sidibe’s Fiancé’s Very Restrained Proposal

It’s not easy for any of us right now to keep from lifting a pinky in the air while raising a delicate teacup made of bone china and hand-painted by exceptionally grim nuns, before gently setting the cup down on its exquisite saucer and reaching for a crustless cucumber sandwich from the gleaming silver platter on the Queen Anne table. This is certainly the classy and refined scene evoked by 36-year-old marketing and branding professional, Brandon Frankel, his nakedness, and what appears to be a gathering of inflatable letters repurposed from slightly used, metallic dildos. Gabourey Sidibe, 37, of course, accepted his proposal of marriage, because sex-toy-esque balloons, randomly scattered rose petals and a naked man are pretty much the standard formula for a lifetime of wedded bliss.

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The “Empire” Cast Wrote An Open Letter In Support Of Jussie Smollett

Deadline is reporting that the cast and crew of Empire have come to a consensus (at least in public forums) and they are going to back up their Jussie Smollett despite him maybe faking a hate crime against himself. The mess which kept getting messier is now maybe messier? Or maybe some would consider this less messy? Since it’s like he’s maybe keeping his job? So his mess is ending? But then keeping him is a whole mess in itself, right? Oh well, lets dive in.

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Chanel Sort Of Apologized For Racially Profiling Gabourey Sidibe

Phenomenal woman, Gabourey Sidibe, was just trying to buy some glasses at the Chanel store in Chicago. She’s a movie/television star – it’s not like she couldn’t afford to shop there, but nonetheless, Chanel should be happy anyone wants to walk their ass into their janky hut. They haven’t been relevant since Jackie O. (I kid, how would I know? This shirt I’m wearing is probably from Savers.) Gabby says that the counter bitch pulled a Michael K’s favorite scene from Pretty Woman on her.

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Open Post: Hosted By Amber Heard Looking Not Glamorous At The Glamour Awards

Glamour’s annual Women of the Year award happened last night in Hollywood and the dress code must’ve been: MESS! Because most of them were.

Gwen Stefani (in the gallery) looked like an off-brand quinceañera Barbie and Zendaya (also in the gallery) wore some floral glove things that made it look like she just double fisted a flower fairy. And then there was Amber Heard whose dress looks like it was made out of the dusty curtains, crib skirt and pillow trim from an old-timey rich baby girl’s nursery. That dress is what Miss Havisham would wear if she was finally evicted from Satis House and had to make coins by selling ass at a brothel.

Amber hasn’t worked many red carpets ever since she settled her divorce from the angry scarf rack, so maybe she purposefully wore something busted. That way reporters wouldn’t ask her about Johnny Depp, because they’d be too busy wondering who and what the hell she’s wearing. Well played!

And here’s a zillion more pictures from last night including Lena Dunham who worked baby bangs and a constipated face.

Pics: Wenn.com

Now THIS Is How You Hold A Trophy

The NAACP Image Awards happened in Pasadena, CA last night, and once again, grand master poser Taraji P. Henson melted the eyelashes off of hos left and right with her extra hot posing game. At the Golden Globes last month, Taraji took us on a journey with her poses. She was Scarlett O’Hara with the vapors. She was a shocked Norma Desmond. She was me whenever one of my friends get me a new butt plug for my birthday. She was everything and more.  Taraji played it a little more subtle at the NAACPs last night, but she still posed like she was head of her class at Phoebe Price’s Community College of Exuding Raw Glamour.

Empire won a few NAACP Awards last night including one for Taraji for Outstanding Actress in a Drama Series. Taraji should’ve won another award for Outstanding Posing While Holding A Trophy Backstage At The NAACP Awards. Taraji served up intrigue and orgasm faces while posing with that award. She also gets extra points for making sure that we all got a good view of that trophy’s crotch. And I even love that she looked like a cross between Morticia Addams going to a daytime business meeting and a casual Magica de Spell.

Here’s a million more pictures from last night of everyone looking like they’re wearing dresses they bought at Windsor Fashions in the 90s. Well, everyone except for Cree Summer who looked like Pilgrim Pippi Longstocking on the right kind of acid.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Leave It To Z LaLa To Bring The Magical Glamour To The VMAs

Former HSOTD, “world pop artist” and the white magic sorceress of style Z La La once again used her wizard powers to bring some much-needed sparkle to the MTV VMAs red carpet FLOR carpet. Z LaLa was a spectacular glittery flower in the middle of a field of dull weeds.

Z LaLa not only has a stage name like a Teletubby, but last night she looked like a Teletubby after getting stuck while trying to shape-shift into Lady Gaga. Z LaLa was perfection from the tippity top of her cone dildo wig to the bottom hem of her exploding Christmas ribbon dress. Someone needed to show up to that dreadful award show looking like a Conehead witch who works part-time as an emcee in a Cirque du Soleil show and thank god that Z LaLa was that someone.

Z LaLa strikes me as the kind of fashion icon who really commits to her look and goes all the way, so I’m sure the drapes match the carpet. If you lifted her dress, I’m sure you’d find a long cone of pubes hanging off of her crotch. Z LaLa is also pretty brave for wearing a long black dildo wig to an event where Kartrashians will be. I’m sure Z LaLa had security guards who kept the Kartrashians from trying to climb up her body to fuck her wig.

And one of my other favorite looks of the night came from Our Robotic Lady of Cheetos and her suffocating chichis:

Daddy Spears should give a raise to whoever is responsible for doing Brit Brit up like Double Trouble from She-Ra in the uniform she wears to serve cocktails at a 2-star casino in Reno.

And here’s 6,000 pictures from the VMAs carpet. You should just stop clicking when you get to Rebecca Black, because it doesn’t get more A-listery or relevant than her.

Pics: Wenn.com