For the past few years, Gwen Stefani‘s questionable Harajuku era entered the chat once again when people realized she’s been a culture vulture since her No Doubt days. Her discount Pocahontas x Cher drag wasn’t enough to appease her thirst for other cultures, so she fully committed to Japanese culture surrounding the release of her debut solo album Love. Angel. Music. Baby in 2004. Now, responding to all the hate she’s received since then, Gwen went the coo-coo route by stating she loves that time in her life because she, too, is Japanese. Yes, she actually said that shit. And said it to an Asian-American journalist.
Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale split in 2015. Their divorce was finalized in 2016, but it wasn’t officially annulled by the Catholic church until January of this year. 51-year-old Gwen wanted it annulled so she could marry 45-year-old Blake Shelton through the church. As for 55-year-old Gavin, he’s been connected to his and Gwen’s much younger nanny (while they were still married), Tiger Wood’s ex Elin Nordegren, a then-27-year-old German model named Sophia Thomalia, a then-26-year-old model named Natalie Goldba, and now he’s reportedly dating a… wait for it… 26-year-old model named Gwen Singer. Yep! Gavin went from a singer named Gwen who’s 4 years his junior to a Singer named Gwen who’s 29 years his junior.
Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton finally got married over the Fourth of July weekend and you’d think that meant that their ability to grab attention via their couple stunting would reach somewhat of a peak. I mean, what heights of publicity stunting can you really get to after you pop that marriage bubble and have all the wedding coverage? But they’re still at it. Gwen not only dusted off an old trick and Photoshopped herself over Blake Shelton’s ex-wife in an old pic, but she also got herself some shoes with Blake’s face on them. Jennifer Lopez is looking at those shoes fuming, she probably has a jeweler working on a bejeweled Ben Affleck face-necklace as we speak!
Have ya heard? Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton got married! Cuz they’re in love! And they love showing us their love! And it’s gross! Please stop! On the last episode of “Blake + Gwen = Puke Emoji,” the newlyweds performed an acoustic set at Blake’s restaurant in Oklahoma. Blake introduced his wife using her maiden name, and she replied, “I thought it was Gwen Shelton now!” Then, this past Tuesday night, Gwen showed up for a surprise duet with Blake at CMA’s Summer Jam event in Nashville. Blake initially introduced his wife as “Gwen Stefani”, but halfway through the song he corrected himself and referred to her as, “Gwen Stefani… Shelton!” Sigh. What a shame. “Gwen Stefani” is my second favorite pop star name. #1 is obviously “Dua Lipa”.
Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani got married over the July 4th weekend, which is the first eyeroll of note in this story, because you just know they’re going to take cringe-inducing selfies from here into the afterlife with their hand-holding, lip-puckered silhouettes against night skies filled with illegal fireworks and captioned with queasy, sugar-coated crap like, “Our 14th anniversary, and sparks are still flying!” You already have a sickening newlywed couple in your life like this, and you know this sticky, oozy mess is coming and that you’ll have to smash “like” on each post to keep the blasted peace with all your mutual friends.
The next “Jesus fuck, please stop before my eyes roll into traffic” moment (I think we’re at thirty revolutions already) comes to us from People, and it’s easily going to out-gross the annual fireworks barf-fest. Gwen and Blake were at Blake’s restaurant in Oklahoma, and brought their squooshy, so-in-love roadshow tableside. via People:
Oh wow, more details about Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton’s celebrity soulmate wedding. These two got hitched in Oklahoma over the Fourth of July weekend because ‘MURICA! And yesterday, People Magazine released a bunch of photos. Now Carson Daly, who officiated that shit like it was a very special episode of The Voice, has gone on NBC’s Today to share exclusive wedding deets. He reveals that Gwen read her own vows and Blake rudely one-upped her by performing a special song he wrote called, “Reach the Star” (owwww, my eyes rolled back too far!). And even though the wedding sounds like it was sponsored by NBC Universal, the couple’s former The Voice co-star Adam Levine was not in attendance. Hopefully, someone else stepped in to fill the role of “douchebag who hits on all the bridesmaids.”