Open Post: Hosted by Rebecca Black’s Tenth Anniversary Remix Of The Viral Classic “Friday”

Where were you ten years ago on this exact date? Well, unless you’re one of those cursed brainiacs who can recall every single second of their life, you probably have no clue. Let me help you out: February 10th, 2011 was the day Rebecca Black’s music video for the song “Friday” hit the Internet, catapulting the then-13-year-old to viral infamy, which, according to her, almost ruined her life. Well, Rebecca survived, and she’s back with a “glitched out” electronic remix and updated music video. And if you thought the original was an earsore, you ain’t heard nothin’ yet!

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Rebecca Black Is Back To Say That “Friday” Almost Ruined Her Life

Nine years ago, in 2011, the now 22-year-old Rebecca Black became an overnight internet star (?) by redefining “earworm” and creating a million memes (Did memes even exist then?) with her song Friday. Rebecca was only 13 years old then, and yesterday, she took a break from practicing for her audition for a local production of Chicago (that’s why she’s dressed like that, right?) to commemorate the 9th anniversary of Friday by telling everyone that it almost destroyed her life the same way it almost destroyed your nerves.

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Leave It To Z LaLa To Bring The Magical Glamour To The VMAs

Former HSOTD, “world pop artist” and the white magic sorceress of style Z La La once again used her wizard powers to bring some much-needed sparkle to the MTV VMAs red carpet FLOR carpet. Z LaLa was a spectacular glittery flower in the middle of a field of dull weeds.

Z LaLa not only has a stage name like a Teletubby, but last night she looked like a Teletubby after getting stuck while trying to shape-shift into Lady Gaga. Z LaLa was perfection from the tippity top of her cone dildo wig to the bottom hem of her exploding Christmas ribbon dress. Someone needed to show up to that dreadful award show looking like a Conehead witch who works part-time as an emcee in a Cirque du Soleil show and thank god that Z LaLa was that someone.

Z LaLa strikes me as the kind of fashion icon who really commits to her look and goes all the way, so I’m sure the drapes match the carpet. If you lifted her dress, I’m sure you’d find a long cone of pubes hanging off of her crotch. Z LaLa is also pretty brave for wearing a long black dildo wig to an event where Kartrashians will be. I’m sure Z LaLa had security guards who kept the Kartrashians from trying to climb up her body to fuck her wig.

And one of my other favorite looks of the night came from Our Robotic Lady of Cheetos and her suffocating chichis:

Daddy Spears should give a raise to whoever is responsible for doing Brit Brit up like Double Trouble from She-Ra in the uniform she wears to serve cocktails at a 2-star casino in Reno.

And here’s 6,000 pictures from the VMAs carpet. You should just stop clicking when you get to Rebecca Black, because it doesn’t get more A-listery or relevant than her.

Pics: Wenn.com

Rebecca Black Is Getting Homeschooled Now

Rebecca Black will have to learn about the other days of the week at home, because she left school last semester after JELIZ H8RS kept making fun of her in the hallways. Rebecca’s mom, who is schooling her at home in between helping with her career, tells ABC News (via TMZ) that the constant bullying became too much for Rebecca to take.

Well, at least Rebecca no longer has to make the Sophie’s Choice decision about which seat to take. Rebecca explained the hate like this:

“When I walk by they’ll start singing ‘Friday’ in a really nasally voice … Or, you know, they’ll be like, ‘Oh hey, Rebecca, guess what day it is?'”

“Guess what day it is?!” Did those bullies go to the Disney Channel school of bullying?

Rebecca needs to travel with me to my 8th grade experience and watch as the kids asked me, “Oh hey, Michael, guess what? You’re a dyke!” or “Oh hey, Michael, I can see your pussy in those shorts.”

I swear, 7th grade and 8th grade are the worst. 6th grade is sunshine and happiness, but as soon you step into junior high, everybody becomes a full-blown cunt. Everybody. Junior high is just a quad full of cunts after a quad full of cunts. But even though it was a fiery inferno of hormonal cunts, it taught me a life lesson: be even cuntier. If it wasn’t for the hell that is 7th grade, I might not have grown up to be a bitter old bitch who spews words of cuntiness on a daily basis. And Rebecca Black is totally missing out on the experience (no she isn’t). Like I said before, what doesn’t kill you, makes you cuntier, etc…

Or Rebecca can just get that experience by reading the comments under her mess of a music video.

Attack Of The Clones

On the left is Disney Jr.’s production of The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love, and on the right is the epitome of gayelle love Portia de Rossi and her wife Ellen Degeneres at the totally pointless Teen Choice Awards in L.A. last night. You know, I’ve always made stupid jokes about how Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are the Muppet Babies (or the toddler brunette) version of Portia & Ellen and were only created to teach the children that lesbian love is a beautiful thing despite what the Faces of Crazy say, but this proves that there’s a method to my incoherent ramblings (not really).

This also proves that we can finally get rid of Justin Bieber and send him back to the Canadian Hasbro factory from which he came from if we can only get Usher to buy Ellen’s soul when the Canadian dollar dips below the US dollar so that he train her to yodel like a newborn puppy and thrust like a kitten having a seizure. Because if this doesn’t happen, it will only be a matter of time before the apocalypse is summoned when Usher agrees to be Justin & Selena’s sperm donor. Someone should get on that.

So last night was the Teen Choice Awards, which is only around to remind us that teens shouldn’t vote for shit. I mean, voting to give Taylor Swift a lifetime achievement award is making Uncle Sam switch fingers.

Here’s a bunch of pictures of some hos you didn’t know existed, forgot existed or wish didn’t exist. In order: Ty Ty Baby, The Lesbeaver, Rachel Bilson, Rebecca Black, Fergie, Selena Gomez, Ashley Greene, the Kardashian harem, Kowlina Kardashian, Sean Kingston, Blake Lively, Demi Lovato, that one from Glee, Raven, Taylor “Making Marilyn Roll In Her Grave” Swift, Cameron Diaz, Ian Somerhalder, Rupert Grint, Portia & Ellen Jr. and Portia & Ellen.

Meh Is The New Black

Rebecca Black’s “Friday” made all of our ear drums barf out blood in unison and now that some of us have finally gotten our hearing back she’s come out with a second single called “My Moment (Is Over).” Rebecca has left the calendar alone for her second assault on our ears and is instead trying to show that she’s grown up as an artist since her first song which came out like 14 minutes ago. This is like a dingle yanked off of Kelly Clarkson’s “A Moment Like This” and that’s saying a lot, because that shit was awful too.

My ears are supposed to be committing suicide, but they’re snoring instead. What happened to the Rebecca Black who educated us on the days of the week? Where’s that awkward blonde girl who died inside while sitting in the backseat? Where’s the Rebecca Black who had FUN FUN FUN while all of our ears wished they were RIP RIP RIP? Fame has changed another one.

And since these hos insist on auto-tuning the life out of her voice they should at least throw some auto-rhythm on her dance moves too.