Category: Chanel

Apple Martin Made Her Debut As A “Chanel Girl” At Paris Fashion Week

January 24, 2023 / Posted by:

In the year of our Lord 2008, the late Karl Lagerfeld met 4-year-old Apple Martin, the blessed daughter of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin. At that meeting, the prophet Karl declared that, one day, the baby Apple would grow up to be a Chanel girl. Yesterday, Karl’s prediction came true. People reports that 18-year-old Apple made her Paris Fashion Week debut in head-to-toe Chanel, sitting front row of the fashion house’s haute couture show. Somewhere, deep in the rankest depths of hell, Karl weeps. “It came true! It came true!” His moment of triumph is interrupted by a smack in the head by Satan himself: “Quit crying and get back to work, bitch! This lap ain’t gonna dance on itself…”

Continue reading

Chanel Responds To Their $825 Advent Calendar Getting Dragged For Being Stingy

December 7, 2021 / Posted by:

WWD says that one TikToker has let Chanel have it regarding their 2021 advent calendar. If you don’t know, an advent calendar is like a gift box type thing for the month of December leading up to Christmas. Each day has a new surprise gift for you to open and enjoy. But if you’re gonna buy Chanel’s $825 advent calendar, maybe DON’T. Because TikToker, Elisa Harmon, collected all the hair follicles on their heads and snatched them up when she went through the shit-ass gifts they charged her nearly a grand for. I bet that Choupette Lagerfeld‘s advent calendar isn’t this cheap!

Continue reading

Chanel Held A Fashion Show, And The Only Guest Invited Was Kristen Stewart

December 4, 2020 / Posted by:

COVID-19 is tearing through just about every industry, from buffets to movie theaters to rodent-owned pizza joints. Something I legitimately forgot about was fashion shows, and maybe that’s because I’ve spent the past 9 months in the same pair of grey striped leggings. Designers had to get creative with their fashion week shows, like streaming them online. Chanel decided to lean really hard into the theme of social distancing, by showing their latest collection to one person and one person only. And that was long-time Chanel muse, Kristen Stewart.

Continue reading


Gigi Hadid Bounced A Runway-Crashing Comedian From The Chanel Show

October 1, 2019 / Posted by:

Elle says that Gigi Hadid may have a backup career if the whole nepotism model thing stops working out for her. Because it seems that Gigi has quite a skill for bouncing, as she was the one who managed to wrangle a show crasher who pretended to be a model and crashed the runway at the Chanel show in Paris today. That crasher didn’t expect delicate ass Gigi to turn into Kevin Costner in The Bodyguard. That’s what happens when you try to upstage a member of The New First Family of Fame WhoresNot on Gigi’s watch, bitch.

Continue reading

Kunty Karl Was Too Tired To Grace The Audience At The Chanel Show With His Presence 

January 22, 2019 / Posted by:

Like every season, the Chanel couture show went down at the Grand Palais in Paris today, but unlike other haute couture seasons, the Grand High Vampire Witch of the Haus, Karl Lagerfeld, was not there to look over his multi-multi-thousand dollar creations in between beaming ice cold “Suck it in, fatté!” glares through his sunglasses at models who ate more than air before the show.

Kunty Karl usually comes out at the end of the show with the “bride” to take in the applause of his devotees before opening his Jack-O-Lantern-on-meth mouth to “kiss” the bride as he sucks her soul out of her young body. But the bride’s soul was spared today, because Karl wasn’t feeling well and bowed out of bowing.

Continue reading


Chanel Sort Of Apologized For Racially Profiling Gabourey Sidibe

May 13, 2017 / Posted by:

Phenomenal woman, Gabourey Sidibe, was just trying to buy some glasses at the Chanel store in Chicago. She’s a movie/television star – it’s not like she couldn’t afford to shop there, but nonetheless, Chanel should be happy anyone wants to walk their ass into their janky hut. They haven’t been relevant since Jackie O. (I kid, how would I know? This shirt I’m wearing is probably from Savers.) Gabby says that the counter bitch pulled a Michael K’s favorite scene from Pretty Woman on her.

Continue reading


alt="drupal analytics" >