Category: Bono

Brad Pitt Was Spotted At A Bono Concert With Paul Wesley’s Ex, Ines de Ramon (UPDATE)

November 16, 2022 / Posted by:

About a minute ago, it was rumored that 58-year-old Brad Pitt was getting on 31-year-old Emily Ratajkowski, and apparently, he was really into her, but there was no paparazzi proof that they were ever together, and neither said shit about it. So either it was a hit-it-and-quit-it situation, or they never dated, and Brad’s PR team simply pulled out Emily’s name from a hat filled with the names of possible famous types they can link him to so that everyone could temporarily forget those abuse on a plane allegations. Well, the union of PittRat was over before it began, and Emily RideAJetSki has reportedly jumped off her jet ski and hopped onto Pete Davidson. And Brad may have gone on a date with 29-year-old Ines de Ramon. Ines is the estranged wife of 40-year-old Paul Wesley from The Vampire Diaries and also a woman who would look at you with question mark eyes if you asked her if she’s seen 1992’s Cool World. Actually, most would probably look at you with question mark eyes since they’re trying to forget that mess ever existed.

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Nancy Pelosi Read A Poem By Bono Comparing President Zelenskyy To Saint Patrick

March 18, 2022 / Posted by:

If you didn’t overindulge last night celebrating Saint Patrick’s Day but still want the splitting headache and creeping sense of shame, Nancy Pelosi and Bono have got you covered. Yesterday, at the Capitol’s annual Friends of Ireland luncheon, Nancy took the stage to recite a poem by Bono, “a very Irish part of our lives,” addressing the war in Ukraine and proclaiming that President Zelenskyy is the new Saint Patrick. And to make matters even worse for the people of Ukraine, Ireland and America, she followed Bono’s wobbly ballad by inviting Riverdance up to do a little jig. There now, don’t you feel like you drained a bottle of Jameson last night and woke up with a shamrock tattoo on your neck and no idea how it got there?

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Open Post: Hosted By Amber Heard Looking Not Glamorous At The Glamour Awards

November 15, 2016 / Posted by:

Glamour’s annual Women of the Year award happened last night in Hollywood and the dress code must’ve been: MESS! Because most of them were.

Gwen Stefani (in the gallery) looked like an off-brand quinceañera Barbie and Zendaya (also in the gallery) wore some floral glove things that made it look like she just double fisted a flower fairy. And then there was Amber Heard whose dress looks like it was made out of the dusty curtains, crib skirt and pillow trim from an old-timey rich baby girl’s nursery. That dress is what Miss Havisham would wear if she was finally evicted from Satis House and had to make coins by selling ass at a brothel.

Amber hasn’t worked many red carpets ever since she settled her divorce from the angry scarf rack, so maybe she purposefully wore something busted. That way reporters wouldn’t ask her about Johnny Depp, because they’d be too busy wondering who and what the hell she’s wearing. Well played!

And here’s a zillion more pictures from last night including Lena Dunham who worked baby bangs and a constipated face.


Bono Jokes That Amy Schumer Is The Key To Destroying ISIS

April 13, 2016 / Posted by:

Bono testified in the Senate on Capitol Hill on Tuesday (and yes, I’ll pause as your mind barfs up ten question marks over that) about the new no-tax-on-sunglasses bill he’s trying to push through. No, he didn’t talk about that, but I’m surprised he didn’t bring that up. Bono was there as the co-founder of the anti-poverty ONE campaign to ask for more aid to the Middle East, because he believes that less poverty will lead to less terrorism. Bono also mouth burped up one of his suggestions to erasing terrorism from the planet. Bono believes we should fight ISIS with the funnies and suggested that we send in a troupe of comedy warriors.

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Bono Has Made More Money Off Facebook Than He Ever Made From U2

August 31, 2015 / Posted by:

As if you couldn’t have already guessed, Bono – seen above on the fancy-ass boat he uses to get to and from his fancy-ass yacht in St. Tropez – is rich as fuck. Technically, we already knew that, since U2 has been touring forever and tickets to a U2 concerts usually cost $900 and your choice of limb (and limbs go for big money on the black market). But it turns out the money Bono has been making from hollering out “Sunday Bloody Sunday” is peanuts compared to the checks he’s been receiving from Mark Zuckerberg.

According to the Mirror UK (via Page Six), Bono bought a 2.3 percent share in Facebook back in 2009 for almost $76 million. As anyone who has every listened to Suze Orman talk about money knows, money grows. And in the six years since Bono made Facebook his bottom bitch, his $76 million share is now worth $1 billion. That frantic splashing sound you just heard was Lindsay Lohan doing the get money bitch backstroke from her current yacht in St. Tropez to Bono’s.

The Mirror says that Bono now holds the title of Richest Pop Star IN THE WORLD, beating out Paul McCartney, who is worth $818 million, and Madonna, who is worth a pathetic $582 million.

I quit Facebook years ago because I kept getting too many messages from spammers asking if I wanted to make some easy money sitting on my ass. Looks like they were (sort of) right. You can make money from Facebook, and you can do it sitting on your ass. Just ask Bono! Or better yet, just wait for the inevitable round of mass spam emails that start with: “Hi do u like money? <–My name is Bono and I make $66,750 a day off Facebook ask me how NOW!

Pic: Splash

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