The Chinese spy balloon has made her grand debut on the red carpet! We all thought she was shot down, but in actuality she was preparing for her magnificent unveiling on Sam Smith’s body at the BRIT Awards.
Well, I guess that’s one way to kill the rumors that there’s trouble in paradise? When in doubt, show up to a high-profile event while wearing a massive 10lb pear-shaped rock on the most suspicious of fingers. At least that’s what Adele did yesterday when she attended the 2022 BRIT Awards. Adele did what Adele does, which is that she shows up at award ceremonies and walks away with an armful of trophies. But things were a little different this time around because it was impossible not to notice the huge diamond ring on her left-hand ring finger.
No Time To Die? There might be no time to die but you’ll make plenty of time to sleep after listening to Billie Eilish’s Bond theme, which sounds like a cross between a rejected Ambien commercial song and the beginning of an anti-depressant commercial. It’s fitting that it’s the last theme for a Bond movie starring Daniel Craig, because this sounds like a hipster dirge cooed out by a sad mermaid. Basically, it’s very on brand for Billie Eilish.
Advance apologies to our British readers, but I don’t know who any of your “celebrities” are unless they are Dames, Sirs, Katie Price or Idris Elba. I may have no idea who Rita Ora is, but ya’ll sure do know how to put the “F” in Fashion (if the F stands for “fuck is this?”). The Brit Awards, Britain’s equivalent to The Grammys, were last night and apparently, the theme for the red carpet was “Party at Party City“. There were enough pinatas, clown suits, vinyl tablecloths, crepe paper ruffles, and discounted Halloween costumes on display to stock every single party store in Britain for the next millennium. Above is noted (somewhere) fabric sculptor and designer Daniel Lismore, who’s ready to serve as the punch bowl at your next Luau/Red Wedding themed get-together.
Nothing sells tabloids in England like transcripts of a wire-tapped phone conversation of the Royal Family or Cheryl Cole breakup rumors (what will her next last name be?!), but the latest round of relationship-on-the-rocks reports may be false…or at least not ready to be announced until some financial settlement is made. Cheryl was rumored to be in “crisis talks” with the father of her baby Liam Payne, and it wasn’t just a crisis of some of the fug fashion he rocks on Instagram. While the word was they were oh-so-close to breaking up, they both arrived to the red carpet of the BRIT Awards tonight in London looking like their usual Mrs. Robinson-and-boytoy selves. Continue reading
The 1975 is an English band whose albums I’ve downloaded, because my 14-year-old first cousin once removed told me that all of her friends love them and I still give in to peer pressure even when the person pressuring me is not my peer. (Although, technically I have the maturity of a 14-year-old. No offense to 14-year-olds.) But anyway, The 1975 (seen above looking like Manchester’s least popular Prince tribute band) were at the Brit Awards in London last night and in between performing and accepting the award for Best British Group, two of its members got “caught” smoking what looks like the good shit under the table. “Watch out, we got a badass over here,” said Keith Richards before fondly remembering the first time he smoked weed in a small space. It was his mother’s womb and it feels like it was yesterday.