During the Oscars on Sunday night, Nigerian singer and Best Song nominee Tems decided that although Rihanna would be singing their Oscar-nominated song Lift Me Up from the Black Panther: Wakanda Forever soundtrack, she would make sure people would be lifting up their necks to see the stage from behind her. Tems’ Lever Couture dress immediately became the talk of the Oscars because of how her big-ass cloud dress blocked some people’s view of the stage. But now, after folks have had a moment to wonder why she decided to do this, Tems explains she was merely keeping in line with many awards show attendees who wore outfits they believed were fashion-forward but were more like fabric-inspired middle fingers.
If I’ve learned anything covering awards shows over the past few years, it’s that we, as a society, need to wake up and realize that we are on the verge of a cataclysmic sea-change that threatens to collapse all that we hold dear about awards shows. Forget global warming; there’s nothing we can do about that now (sorry, Greta et al). The peril we currently face has nothing to do with carbon emissions. André Leon Talley tried to warm us of this impending disaster. But did we listen? No. And now, tragically, we’ve allowed a dangerous build-up of too much fashion to occur. Right before our very eyes. And if something isn’t done to mitigate this awards fashion disaster, immediately, we risk losing the very carpet upon which they play out. I don’t even think Andre, in all his great wisdom, could have predicted that (still?) it-girl Anya Taylor-Joy would be personally responsible for 68% of the noxious plumes of excess fashion at last night’s BAFTA Awards, the runoff of which is polluting the Thames with a literal blanket of velvety tan sludge.
The Chinese spy balloon has made her grand debut on the red carpet! We all thought she was shot down, but in actuality she was preparing for her magnificent unveiling on Sam Smith’s body at the BRIT Awards.
As if we haven’t suffered enough, Jared Leto, the man who puts the suffer and twat in insufferable twat, is going to be tormenting our eyes and ears by completing his transformation into Karl Lagerfeld right before our very eyes. Deadline reports that Jared is producing, and will of course star in, a biopic about Jameela Jamil’s least favorite dead fashion icon (to date.) This is obviously the role of a lifetime for Jared as it has everything he likes in a character — European accent of indeterminate origin, a live prop, clown suits, a fun wig, contempt for women and flat, dead eyes concealed behind silly novelty sunglasses! It’s perfect really. I just hope too many innocent pussies aren’t rubbed raw from Jared’s “immersive” stroking methods. PETA needs to stay on his ass for the duration.
The last thing you want to do when dressing for the Met Gala is set yourself up for a Who Wore it Better situation. Especially if the person who you’re going to be compared to is Marilyn Fucking Monroe, one of the most iconic, oft-imitated and naturally stunning women in Hollywood history. Regardless, since Kim Kardashian believes her own hype, not only did she wear an exact replica of one of Marilyn’s most famous looks, the nude sheath covered in thousands of crystals that she wore to serenade President John F. Kennedy on his birthday in 1962, Kim also, for a hot second, wore the actual dress that Marylin wore on the red carpet. Vogue reports that Kim borrowed the dress from Ripley’s Believe or Not! museum in Florida, which acquired it in 2016 at auction for $4.8 million. It’s an odd place for such an iconic dress to be displayed. If it wasn’t for Ripley’s deep pockets, it might have ended up at The Smithsonian. But now that Kim’s worn it, it truly is worthy of display in Ripley’s Vintage Oddities Collection next to the two-headed calf and the display commemorating The Kentucky Meat Shower of 1876.
Julia Fox Gave Herself And Kanye West A Couple’s Portmanteau And Talked To Vogue About Her Fashion Evolution
The cheek, the nerve, the gall, the audacity, and the gumption! Julia Fox has gone ahead and given herself and Kanye West a couple’s nickname, clearly overstepping the bounds of the social contract between notable personality (to use the term celebrity would be a streeeeetch here) and the community taking note. Julia, still aglow with the excitement of running around Paris in broad daylight looking like an evacuee flushed from a subterranean fetish club after a gas leak, posted her first contractually permitted photo of her and Kanye on Instagram (Stories only, as per section 2.9, b., ii) with the caption “Juliye” coupled with a single black heart emoji. That was OUR couple’s name to give! Now we’re going to have to come up with something else because I will not give her the satisfaction. So enjoy your doomed relationship, Foxnfriend! I hope it was worth it.