After we were promised that the Cats movie was going to be every layer of insane, and after everyone prepared to throw their pussies against the screen from getting teased with Idris Elba shaking his shit as the mysterious criminal pussy overlord Macavity, the trailer finally hit our eyeballs and souls, and you better grab a gallon jug of holy water and hide the cat nip before pressing play. Because it is a night terror for all your senses. It does not disappoint.
They honestly should’ve waited until August 26 to release this trailer, because that’s International Dog Day, and this hacked-up musical hairball is a gift to canines everywhere. They’re all going to howl with happiness into the air over how Hollywood did catmanity. If this doesn’t cause all cats to finally rise up against us evil humans, I don’t know what will.
Earlier today, Idris Elba dropped a teaser for Cats on Instagram, and it truly is a Christmas in July situation, because this video has everything. It’s got Idris dancing. It’s got several front and back shots of Idris in grey sweatpants. It’s got Idris winking directly at the camera, for those who get off on eye contact. And if Idris Elba isn’t your thing, there’s also a couple shots of the bonkers-looking set, which will surely please anyone who thinks this movie is bound to be a mess.
You know when Tim Gunn used to warn Project Runway contestants about making sure their looks don’t go too costumey? It always turned out to be pretty solid advice, and contestants who didn’t heed his warnings were usually sent home. I always imagined those losing designers slipped quietly away to careers in the circus or on the drag circuit. But judging from the runway at last night’s Billboard Music Awards in Las Vegas, some of them went on to have lucrative careers making costumes for remakes of popular movies.
It’s been over 10 years since The Hurt Locker won the Academy Award for Best Picture. That means it’s ripe for a remake. In this version, Mustard has the nerve wracking job of diffusing Mariah Carey’s Lush bath bombs. It’s a dangerous job, but Mustard’s just the man to do it. Look, he’s on the hair brush right now, getting dispatched to his next mission. They’ve found a Bom Perignon in Mimi’s toilet!
I wish Baha Men had cut a b-side to “Who Let the Dogs Out” called “Who Let The Cats In” because it would be a hilarious and fitting punchline to Tom Hopper‘s upcoming live-action Cats movie. This week we learned a little bit more about the movie as Universal Pictures held their 2019 CinemaCon and disclosed that the titular cats won’t be actual people. That means that instead of seeing Idris Elba and company slithering around in leotards and tights with tufts of fun-fur strategically glued on, we can expect to see something more in keeping with MC Skat Kat, which is far more disturbing.
The Queen of Soul may have also been the Queen of Debt. Aretha Franklin died in August, and she obviously left behind a legacy of music. The tax man has a different way of remembering Aretha. The IRS now claims Queen Aretha owes millions in back taxes, and let’s just hope a planned tribute concert will put a dent in that pile of debt. Continue reading
Coachella? Never heard of her. Essence Fest, step aside. The biggest and baddest music festival of the decade will be held in next Friday in Detroit, and you’d have to beg, steal, or slap on a wig and borrow somebody else’s identity, if you wanted to attend. Aretha Franklin’s homegoing celebration is scheduled for August 31, and the lineup of artists slated to perform includes Stevie Wonder, Chaka Khan, Jennifer Holliday, Jennifer Hudson, Fantasia, and a slew of other superstars from the gospel, classical, R&B worlds.