If there has ever been a use for the tag “Love In The Time Of Corona,” this is it. Because the clock has barely done any ticking since we learned that Robert Pattinson reportedly tested positive for COVID-19. And now we’re seeing plenty of pictures of Robert and his girlfriend Suki Waterhouse engaging in a mask-wearing make-out session in a London park.
Advance apologies to our British readers, but I don’t know who any of your “celebrities” are unless they are Dames, Sirs, Katie Price or Idris Elba. I may have no idea who Rita Ora is, but ya’ll sure do know how to put the “F” in Fashion (if the F stands for “fuck is this?”). The Brit Awards, Britain’s equivalent to The Grammys, were last night and apparently, the theme for the red carpet was “Party at Party City“. There were enough pinatas, clown suits, vinyl tablecloths, crepe paper ruffles, and discounted Halloween costumes on display to stock every single party store in Britain for the next millennium. Above is noted (somewhere) fabric sculptor and designer Daniel Lismore, who’s ready to serve as the punch bowl at your next Luau/Red Wedding themed get-together.
When we last checked in with the personal life of Robert Pattinson, he was reportedly seen sneaking out of Sienna Miller’s apartment. That was mere weeks ago, and whatever happened in that apartment – Scrabble, make-your-own pizza night, fucking – appears to be done for the time being. Because Robert Pattinson was recently seen with a new blonde British person, Suki Waterhouse.
The next time someone complains that Hollywood only makes reboots, sequels, and superhero movies, you can add that they’re also pretty big on current citizen of Hell Charles Manson at the moment as well. Quentin Tarantino has what will probably be the most high-profile one (still currently untitled, but reportedly starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Margot Robbie). Trailing close behind it will be a story about three members of Charles Manson’s family starring Matt Smith and a ghost story movie about Sharon Tate starring Hilary Duff (what even).
You hear that? That’s the sound of snarky hope vanishing into thin air. It appears we won’t be treated to the eye-rolling delights of a hand-jobby magazine interview in which Suki Waterhouse gushes about how “inspired” Darren Aronofsky is, or hearing Darren call Suki the Scottie Pippen of acting (JLaw is the Michael Jordan, remember). At least not anytime soon, because for the time being, Suki and Darren deny they’re dating.
Earlier this week, 26-year-old Suki and 48-year-old Darren were seen walking together at the Sundance Film Festival. All signs pointed to suspicious possible-hookup activity. A source also squealed to UsWeekly that Suki had shown up to Darren’s place two nights in a row while at Sundance, and that Darren was talking about her to friends on the plane ride home.
A source tells UsWeekly exclusively, “Darren is very into her and was telling friends how sweet and hot she was on his plane ride back.”
Darren was at Sundance to promote the VR project Spheres: Songs of Spacetime, and Suki was there to promote the movie she attempts to act in, Assassination Nation.
Suki and Darren’s reps both denied to Gossip Cop that they’re dating. Suki’s rep says, “They are not a couple and they are not dating.” Darren’s rep called all the stories about him and Suki “crazy,” and adds that, “There’s no romantic involvement whatsoever.”
I guess UsWeekly’s source must have misheard Darren when he was talking to his friends on that airplane. Maybe he was talking about some hot, sweet sushi he ate while in Sundance. Yeah, that must be it. Everyone eats their sushi hot from the oven and dipped in syrup, right?
The last time we checked in on Darren Aronofsky and Jennifer Lawrence, they were reportedly giving their relationship another shot. That was a few days before Christmas. Something may have happened since then, because a month later, it appears 48-year-old Darren is now hand-holding in front of the paps with 26-year-old Suki Waterhouse. The Daily Mail posted pictures of Darren and Suki strolling around Park City, UT during the Sundance Film Festival. New year, same dating age bracket for Darren.
PICTURE EXCLUSIVE: Darren Aronofsky, 48, steps out with Suki Waterhouse, 26, in Sundance https://t.co/1C3FTEJrZH
— Daily Mail Celebrity (@DailyMailCeleb) January 23, 2018
Suki was most recently linked to Diego Luna. Before that, she was with Bradley Cooper. Darren likes to date actresses he works with, and Suki has been trying for a while to be an actress. So maybe Darren has a secret new project in the works that Suki has signed on for? I look forward to whatever that project may be, since it can’t be worse than mother!, right? No really, please, I don’t think we could handle something worse.
The Daily Mail says that Darren and Suki were practically “attached at the hip” while walking in Park City. Normally I’d be the first to scream “THEY’RE DOING IT,” but the fact their walk too place in January in Utah has me a little skeptical. If you’ve ever walked around in the snow, you know that at any minute a patch of ice can appear and you’re on your ass. If I’m walking next to you in the snow, I’m staying close enough to make it seem like we share an umbilical cord.