No Time To Die? There might be no time to die but you’ll make plenty of time to sleep after listening to Billie Eilish’s Bond theme, which sounds like a cross between a rejected Ambien commercial song and the beginning of an anti-depressant commercial. It’s fitting that it’s the last theme for a Bond movie starring Daniel Craig, because this sounds like a hipster dirge cooed out by a sad mermaid. Basically, it’s very on brand for Billie Eilish.
The Batman is dead. Long live The Batman. Ben Affleck can stop patching up his batsuit with Fix a Flat and exhale, because he won’t be returning as The Batman in the upcoming Matt Reeves helmed standalone movie of the same name. This should surprise nobody since Ben’s sloppy brother Casey Affleck already kinda-sorta spilled the beans all down the front of his lumberjack flannel. Also, we could all tell that Ben’s heart wasn’t in it anymore. We’ll never forget when Ben tried to snag an Oscar for his stirring portrayal of STAINS The Dog (Dlisted’s Hot Slut of The Year, 2009) during that press conference with Superman. If Ben still loved The Batman, he would have gotten the Bat Signal tattooed on his back instead of a fire turkey.
What a coincidence! Jennifer Garner also quit enduring having to hire 400 pound nannies with leprosy because she wasn’t feeling Ben Affleck! (Or did she?)
Superstar film composer Hans Zimmer is fucking done professionally scoring Batman movies. He was so enamored of Christian Bale’s laughably growly take on Batman that Ben Affleck’s interpretation (that would seemingly be “florid and premenstrual“) left him feeling hollow inside.
FYI, Hans. Ben Affleck’s version of Batman has left a lot of people feeling hollow inside. Such as comic book geeks, the citizens of Gotham City, any poor bastard actor they’ve approached to play the inevitable role of Robin, etc. The list goes on.