Night Crumbs
Shortly after Britney Spears posted more pictures of her squeezing her emoji-covered bare Frappuchichis on Instagram, she got shit from some of her followers for it. So her husband Sam Asghari defended her on Instagram, writing that she’s the “only person in the world that gets bullied for posting things like this.” But then he wrote that he “personally preferred she never posted these but who am I to control someone that’s been under a microscope and been controlled for most of his life.” Oh, I see what Sam’s trying to do. He wants us to believe that when Brit Brit’s posing with her titty balls out, he’s not on the other side of the camera saying, “You’re doing amazing, sweetie.” Nice try, Sam! – Just Jared
David Foster compared his everlasting, genuine love with Katharine McPhee to Celine Dion’s relationship with René Angélil. Never mind that David’s example isn’t exactly a compliment; he’s lucky he didn’t get struck down by God for daring to compare HER to THE GREATEST SINGUH IN DA WORLD! – Celebitchy
James Cameron Says His Pregant Na’vi Warrior In “Avatar: The Way Of Water” Is “The Last Bastion For Female Empowerment”
In addition to the dazzling images on a huge aquamarine screen that James Cameron has promised us, he also promises that Avatar: The Way of Water does more to depict “female empowerment” than “Wonder Woman and Captain Marvel” because one of the blue aliens he made up in his mind is “a female warrior who’s six months pregnant.” OK, James! We see you. Female empowerment hasn’t had a champion this dedicated to the cause since the last time James declared his strong female lead unfuckable. You see, unlike that big-tittied strumpet Wonder Woman, Sarah Connor in The Terminator had “pure grit” where her Double-Ds should be. Back then, James’ brand of feminism earned him an Amazonian pimp slap from across the universe from THEE Ms. Lynda Carter, who said to James, “you poor soul,” “STOP IT.” Now I’m going to need somebody to please go get Lynda her Bracelets of Submission; she’s gonna need them again.
Lady Susan Hussey Apologized To Ngozi Fulani For Asking Her “Where Are You From?”
A couple of weeks ago, Buckingham Palace faced (yet another) racism scandal. On November 29, Ngozi Fulani, CEO of the charity Sistah Space, attended an event at Buckingam Palace. Ngozi says that ten minutes into the reception, THE QUEEN’S former lady-in-waiting and Prince William’s godmother, 83-year-old Lady Susan Hussey, approached her, moved her hair to see her name badge, and rudely interrogated her about where British Ngozi was “really from.” “What part of Africa are you from?” After Ngozi went public with her story, Buckingham Palace released a statement saying that “the individual concerned” was sorry and had resigned from her royal duties. Ngozi did some interviews about the incident, and while many supported her, she also got a lot of shit from Internet randos and British media outlets. Today, People reports that the palace announced that Lady Hussey and Ngozi had finally met “to address the incident.” According to this statement, Lady Hussey offered her “sincere apologies,” and Ngozi accepted. Continue reading
Open Post: Hosted By The Arizona Driver Who Got A Ticket For Trying To Drive In The Carpool Lane With An Inflatable Grinch Passenger
‘Tis the point of the holiday season where people start losing their gat damn minds as they race around town trying to track down the best sale on prime rib or get their hands on that ridiculous “Little Live Pets Mama Surprise Guinea Pig” that will be the only thing to shut their kid up on Christmas morning. So it’s unremarkable that people sometimes try to cut corners where they can when it comes to the holiday hustle and bustle. But one Arizona driver decided to break the rules, but ~make it festive~ when they cruised the carpool lane with an inflatable Grinch as their sole passenger. They got busted, though, and ended up with a ticket and a feature on The Arizona Department of Public Safety’s Twitter.
Tristan Thompson Will Pay Maralee Nichols $9,500 Per Month In Child Support And Khloe Kardashian Is Not Sleeping With Tristan
Tristan Thompson is a man of many talents: basketball (allegedly), cheating, and getting caught cheating. He’s also great at making babies! There’s 6-year-old Prince, whom he shares with model Jordan Craig (they split after she caught him cheating a month into her pregnancy [also, she was once married to Kylie Jenner’s ex Tyga?!]). Then there are Tristan’s two kids with the long-suffering Khloe Kardashian: 4-year-old True and the unnamed baby boy the exes welcomed via surrogate this past July. Finally, there’s 1-year-old Theo, Tristan’s son, with Maralee Nichols. Tristan and Maralee slept together when he was with Khloe, and news of her pregnancy was the catalyst for the last Khloe-Tristan split over a year ago. Back in March, 32-year-old Maralee requested that 31-year-old Tristan pay $47,000 a month in child support. Today, TMZ reported that the pair finally hammered out a paternity settlement. Tristan will pay Maralee $9,500 a month in child support and cover some of her lawyer fees. Um, EXSQUEEZE MOI?! Tristan pays Jordan Craig $40,000 a month! Who was this judge, Khloe in a mustache? Continue reading
Here’s The Kubrick-Inspired Teaser Trailer For Greta Gerwig’s “Barbie”
In 2016 they offered us a live-action Barbie movie starring Amy Schumer and we said, “lol. No, thanks.” “Fine, Anne Hathatawy?,” they asked, and it being 2017 we said “look, we’re still trying to recover from Les Mis. Please leave us alone.” Then, like a year later, they said, “well, how about if Greta Gerwig writes and directs?” and we said, “whatever dudes, You do you.” Then they came back with “OK, so Greta’s definitely in and we are thinking Margot Robbie as Barbie? We getting warmer?” and we said, “we’re listening.” Then they said “Great! And as a reward for your patience, how about we give you Ryan Gosling as Ken” and we said “lol. OK, well in that case…”