Could it be that our internet-age Icarus has, at long last, flew too close to the sun? In this case, the sun being Dave Chappelle’s white-hot dragon breath? Because not only did Elon Musk get his ass torched by ten minutes of sustained booing, it looks like he’s had his eyelashes singed off too so now he looks even more like Dr. Evil dressed up as Pennywise the Clown for a costume party at Twitter HQ but is now standing outside in the rain arguing with the bouncer that he doesn’t need an invitation (it’s his party, dammit), before being led away by security, his comically large rubber shoes squeaking the entire time, much to the delight of the crowd of revelers who just unanimously voted that he should be 86’ed from Club Twitterverse for good.

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About two weeks ago, Amber Heard’s lawyers announced that they filed an appeal against a Virginia jury’s decision that she defamed Johnny Depp in her Washington Post op-ed piece about being a victim of domestic violence even though she never named him. If Amber won her appeal, then that would’ve opened up the doors to HELL again a new trial where a Virginia courtroom would once again be the setting for a disastrous landfill fire. Well, today, Amber announced that she’s decided she doesn’t want to put herself through the pain of another trial, so she’s dropped her appeal and settled with her ex so she can finally move on with her life. And you may want to put a clothespin on your nose today because hot stank fumes are definitely wafting off of Johnny Depp as he does another victory lap.

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During The Hollywood Reporter’s actress roundtable featuring Jennifer Lawrence, Michelle Williams, Michelle Yeoh, Danielle Deadwyler, Emma Corrin, and Claire Foy, Jennifer mentioned that it’s still hard for female directors out there because of the “emotional” label placed on women. But if you wanna see “emotional,” look no further than Bryan Singer as Jennifer roasted the director who she worked with on the X-Men reboot. I mean, if we’re listing overly-dramatic men who are accused abusers in Hollywood to avoid, we’ll be here all day!

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Now that Jamie Spears isn’t able to skim off the top of Britney Spears’ fortune anymore and Kevin Federline is exactly one Popozão away from his and Britney’s sons aging out of their child support, it was time for Jamie and Kevin to frantically secure that bag by any means necessary. And since two dickheads are better than one, they’ve teamed up to “write” a book on fatherhood because Al Bundy and Jack Torrance must be busy.

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In case you’ve forgotten, Rihanna is still rich, and this year she became a mother. And since the father of her baby is her Queen Consort, A$AP Rocky who tends to forget how to act right at times. However, they’ve both been very secretive about their new bundle of unnamed joy. But the paparazzi have no time to wait for them to do an unauthorized photo leak, so the photos of financially fit baby Fenty were taken and threatened for release. But RiRi took matters into her own hands by releasing a set of photos, finally introducing her heir apparent to the world.

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