Ana de Armas Got A New Dog Named Salsa
The Saviors of Summer, Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas, haven’t been papped together in what seems like months but has actually only been a couple of weeks. However, that means it’s been roughly seven BenAna years. As we know, a lot can happen in a single BenAna. Children are met and paraded, houses are toured and rejected, stunts are stunted, masks are lost and found and gallons of Dunkin’s are drunkin’. And so, in the span of seven BenAnas, the unthinkable happened—Ana went and found herself a new bitch. Over the weekend Ana posted a picture of her newest family member on Instagram, a little dog named Salsa.
Open Post: Hosted By Mark Zuckerberg’s Sunscreenface
36-year-old Mark Zuckerberg is not like any other normal thirty-something. Mostly because he seems like a soulless robot who can never answer hard questions about his role in the decay of society. But hey, would a soulless robot need sunscreen? Certainly not as much as Zuckerberg is using! Mark was spotted out on the water keeping his very fair skin safe from sun damage by slathering on so much sunscreen onto his face you’d think it was a Banana Boat Bukake.
Ghislaine Maxwell Reportedly Believes Jeffrey Epstein Was Murdered, Is Afraid She Will Be Too
It’s no wonder why Ghislaine Maxwell had the audacity to request house arrest in a luxury Manhattan hotel room while waiting for her trial to begin on July 21, 2021. The only thing that might keep Ghislaine up at night would be the worry that the kitchen wouldn’t have imported organic quail eggs for her Lobster Benedict in the morning. But Ghislaine was denied bail and she has to serve her time at Brooklyn’s Metropolitan Detention Center. And according to a source who spoke with The Sun, Ghislaine is terrified that she might end up like her former partner Jeffrey Epstein.
Amber Heard Testified That Johnny Depp Threatened To Kill Her Many Times
So far, during Johnny Depp’s libel tussle with The Sun over them calling him a “wife-beater” in a headline, we’ve only heard from his side including several accusations from Johnny and others that paint his ex-wife Amber Heard as the diabolical lie-telling violent one in the relationship. The shit cherry on this messy shit sundae from HELL was a picture of the actual shit that Johnny claims Amber left in his bed as punishment and is what made him realize their marriage had officially landed in the shitcan and was over. Today, Amber Heard took the stand in London to tell her side, and she said the exact opposite of Johnny testified and claims he repeatedly got violent with her and threatened to kill her many times. And Amber’s testimony is expected to go on for two more days, so keep your vat of holy water close by.
Katie Couric Hosted A “Parent Trap” Reunion
Because there’s nothing else going on during this never-ending pandemic hellscape, Katie Couric hosted a throwback Zoom reunion of The Parent Trap. Ahem, the The Parent Trap *remake* from 1998. Not the 1961 original. That particular reunion would consist of 74-year-old Hayley Mills talking to a mirror, because most of that cast is dancing to “Let’s Get Together” in heaven.
Here’s who showed up: actors Lindsay Lohan (wow, what a get!) Dennis Quaid, Elaine Hendrix, Lisa Ann Walter, Simon Kunz, director Nancy Meyers and writer-producer Charles Shyer. Since network television is totally over, it was hosted by Katie on her Instagram page.
Kanye West’s South Carolina Rally Was Full Of Surprises
I’m afraid Kanye West may have gone full Norma Desmond only instead of wearing a turban from the Nick Cannon Collection Pour L’Hommies he wore a bulletproof vest, and it’s his last shred of dignity that’s floating belly up a swimming pool. Yesterday, thousands of Americans who have enough going on as it is, looked on in horror as Kanye held his first campaign rally in Charleston, South Carolina. He should have consulted with his wife Kim Kardashian West about which soft-focus filter to use because while Kanye may have been ready for his close up, the rest of us will never be.