They did it. They really did it. Despite the best efforts of producers, “fans“, and that hateful Jennifer Garner, Ana de Armas and Ben Affleck are finally taking their relationship to the next level. Ana is moving into Ben’s place in the Pacific Palisades. This means their quarantine co-habitation wasn’t official until now.
Ben was spotted helping his soulmate move her shit out of her Venice home on Tuesday. Sigh, I’ll miss that place. It’s where Ben scaled the fence when they got locked out, where he yelled at that photographer to leave them alone (LOL), and it’s where she placed that dumb cardboard cutout of herself to troll the paps. Memories of their blossoming love. Continue reading
RIP @ArmasUpdates. One of the only bright spots in this dark-sided timeline has been extinguished. According to Vulture, the Ana de Armas stan account of record has mysteriously been deactivated. Sure there are other Twitter accounts dedicated to updating us on the daily whereabouts of Ana, and by extension Elvis, Salsa, and Ben Affleck, but none offer the same pithy observations and gentle ribbing of Twitter’s preeminent ADA update account. It’s like we already know Ana is “the prettiest girl on earth” @BestOfdeArmas, we have eyes! But is she finally wearing a mask and how long did she and Ben have to wait for their Dunkin order?!?
The Saviors of Summer, Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas, haven’t been papped together in what seems like months but has actually only been a couple of weeks. However, that means it’s been roughly seven BenAna years. As we know, a lot can happen in a single BenAna. Children are met and paraded, houses are toured and rejected, stunts are stunted, masks are lost and found and gallons of Dunkin’s are drunkin’. And so, in the span of seven BenAnas, the unthinkable happened—Ana went and found herself a new bitch. Over the weekend Ana posted a picture of her newest family member on Instagram, a little dog named Salsa.
Over the weekend, the London franchise of Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas known as Chris Evans and Lily James were caught by the paparazzi leaving a club together before going off to his hotel. That seemed to confirm that Lily has completely moved on from Matt Smith and is now getting on Chris Evans. Chris and Lily were papped laughing in a London park together yesterday. Yes, LAUGHING. Those bold bitches. That’s BenAna’s thing! How dare they. But congratulations to the Venice, CA jewelry shop that will get a little press when BenAna try to show up LilChris (or is it JamEva? Or ChrisLily, but that’s already taken.) is papped looking at rings through the window…while laughing of course.
Ben Affleck (seen above at Whole Foods with his girlfriend, left, and his daughter, right) actually went outside without Ana de Armas. Shit, without her cardboard cutout even.
Back in April, I prayed to god that we might live long enough to witness Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas participate in “The Blended Family Big Top Corona Quarantine Pap Parade featuring three kids, three dogs, a cat in a stroller and a hamburger flipping robot.” Well, less than two months later, it actually happened, albeit without cat or robot (tell me how it is that Jennifer Garner’s boyfriend is never seen, yet, in addition to knowing Ben’s Dunkin’ Donuts order by heart, I’m pretty sure I could confidently walk into any Victoria’s Secret and pick out a bra and panty set for Ana knowing it would fit and the color would match her eyes?). Does time somehow move slower in Quronatine (™) for everyone else, or are BenAna going toe to toe (X 3 X 10) with Britney Spears and Usain Bolt for the 100-meter dash? Because according to The Daily Mail, BenAna’s already looking at property together.