Last month, it was reported that the inmates of the Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn were growing very tired of the special treatment that was being given to inmate #666 (just a random guess), Ghislaine Maxwell. Sources alleged that Ghislaine was given an entire floor of the MDC to herself, which was definitely a precaution against any attempts on Ghislaine’s life (Ghislaine’s alleged partner in crime Jeffrey Epstein died under suspicious circumstances when he was held last year at the Metropolitan Correctional Center in Lower Manhattan). Those inmates now have one more thing to complain about, because Ghislaine’s attorneys have just filed a request that poor lonely Ghislaine be given the chance to finally mingle with everyone else in gen-pop.
Everybody’s least favorite parasitic social climber Ghislaine Maxwell has been having a doozy of a time in jail while awaiting trial for her big role in Jeffrey Epstein’s sex trafficking ring. But fortunately, she is an expert bullshitter and, despite a crushing amount of sordid stories about how big of a sketch-bag she was/is, these recent headlines have proven to be not to TOO much to swallow. That’s because Ghislaine, (according to Ghislaine) is a champion blow-jobber. And George Clooney might just be the one to confirm it. Cut to George dramatically closing the shades on his yacht.
Prince Andrew’s longtime accuser Virginia Roberts Giuffre has written a book proposal titled The BIllionaire’s Playboy Club. In it, she writes about the awfulness that happened after she was allegedly lured into Jeffrey Epstein’s sex trafficking ring by Ghislaine Maxwell so many years ago. Virginia has alleged many times that she was trafficked to Prince Andrew, a claim he has denied in a various number of creative ways. Virginia’s book proposal includes some new allegations, like one particularly gross story involving Prince Andrew and a Prince Andrew puppet.
The picture you are looking at above was taken from a video of Ghislaine Maxwell delivering a speech about the oceans to the United Nations several years ago. Which may feel like a random choice, until you remember how hard Ghislaine’s lawyers have been working to make sure testimony from a 2015 civil case was never unsealed. That testimony was her Heart of the Ocean necklace, and Ghislaine wanted nothing more than to make like Old Rose and whip it into the ocean, praying that it would be eaten by a whale with a gut full of very strong stomach acid. Well, Ghislaine’s wish came true, for now, and it didn’t require any ocean-dumping.
If ever Prince Andrew needed a reassuring pat on the back while crying into mummy’s bosom it’s today as further details about his involvement in the Jeffrey Epstein scandal have been revealed. Sadly, Mummy’s miles away in Quoronaqueentine (™) and if we’re being honest, has always been slightly repulsed by Andrew’s unmanly neediness (allegedly). According to The Guardian, newly unsealed court documents pertaining to Virginia Giuffre’s 2015 civil defamation case against the currently incarcerated Ghislaine Maxwell and prematurely deceased Jeffrey allege that Andrew “tried to lobby the US on behalf of Epstein to help secure a ‘favourable plea arrangement.’” Say what you will about Andrew, anybody who’s willing to put their neck out for you like that then fly 3,000 miles to break up with you in person— that’s a good ass friend. Talk about #friendgoals, even if Jeffrey was allegedly blackmailing him.
Last night, dozens of documents in Virginia Roberts Giuffre’s 2015 defamation case against Ghislaine Maxwell were unsealed and dumped as expected. This document dump (I hate myself for typing that) is different than the one that may happen on Monday if Ghislaine’s lawyers fail to successfully appeal the judge’s decision to unseal those documents. This latest unsealing of documents shows that Ghislaine emailed with Jeffrey Epstein as recent as 2015 and that she allegedly sexually abused dozens of girls. In the documents, Virginia also named the names of those she was trafficked to including Prince Andrew, of course, and Alan Dershowitz. Why do I have a feeling that the wikiHow page on “how to safely remove your eyeballs and cleanse them in bleach” is about to get many, many, many hits?