Category: MESS

Kylie Jenner Announces The New Name Of Her Baby Formerly Known As Wolf

January 23, 2023 / Posted by:

Kylie Jenner and her on-and-off-again piece/father of her two kids, Travis Scott, are off again, so he’s probably covered in tons of pussy today (“And that’s different from when he was with her how…?” asked you, making a point). So at the Schiaparelli Lukewarm Mess Haute Couture Spring/Summer 2023 in Paris today, Kylie showed that two tricks can play at the game by partly covering herself with a giant pussy. The other stuffed animals at the Disney store are definitely pouring one out for the poor plushie Mufasa who died just so he could be an accessory on a Kartrashian-DeJENNERate! But before Kylie Jenner delivered an all-cat look at the Schiaparelli show (see: that lion head, her kat klaw nails, and her serving “gassy Garfield trying to keep it sexy” in the face), she announced the replacement name for the baby boy she birthed out a year ago. Kylie and Travis have re-named their second child Aire. As for how you pronounce that, I figured “Aire” is just the exhausted exhale you make after hearing that Kylie Jenner gave her baby a name that sounds like a low-cost airline based in Europe. But according to Kylie herself, it’s simply pronounced AIR.

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Prince Harry Says That Camilla Planted Positive Stories In The Press To “Rehabilitate Her Image” As The “Villain”

January 9, 2023 / Posted by:

In case you couldn’t tell by the 12,384,965,999 headlines about Prince Harry’s tell-all (and that’s a low ass estimate), Prince Harry has a tell-all, Spare, out this week. Penguin Random House reportedly paid Harry $20 million for his memoir, and sources claim it needs to sell at least 1.7 million copies to break even. So Harry is out there hustling like the mortgage on Chateau de Bottom-Joined Palm Trees was due last week. His interviews with 60 Minutes and ITV aired yesterday, his talk with Good Morning America came out today, and he’s on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert tomorrow night. All that peddling may be paying off because Spare is currently #1 on Amazon’s best-selling books list, even though it feels like every word of that book has already leaked. What else is there to read? Well, apparently, there’s more, including Harry accusing his stepmother Queen Consort Camilla of being a throne-climbing opportunist who’d stop at nothing to get her diabolical paws on the crown. Breaking news, I know.

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Prince Harry Says That Prince William Physically Attacked Him And More From His Tell-All “Spare”

January 5, 2023 / Posted by:

If you had yourself a dysfunctional family holiday filled with drama, tussling, and messiness, just be a little grateful that your filthy laundry wasn’t aired beyond a ~cRyPTic~ Facebook post from your auntie. Because Prince Harry’s memoir, Spare, is out next week, so the promo tour for it has begun, and right now, The Firm is probably furiously trying to leak as many anti-Harry stories as possible as the Benny Hill theme song plays in their heads. In leaked excerpts from the book and promo interviews, Harry accuses Prince William of physically attacking him, says William and Kate Middleton co-signed his Nazi costume, calls William his “archnemesis,” and gets into the rumors that King Charles is not his biological father. Oh, and Harry and William’s nicknames for each other are “Harold” and “Willy.” I know, I buried the true lede!

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Married “Good Morning America” Anchors, Amy Robach And T.J. Holmes, Reportedly Had An Affair And Left Their Spouses For Each Other

November 30, 2022 / Posted by:

It seems like most of the morning show messiness comes from Today or The View, but well, Amy Robach and T.J. Holmes of Good Morning America said, “Hold our beers,” before humping on each other. The Daily Mail posted several pictures of Amy and T.J. “getting cozy,” including a pic of him touching her ass during a weekend getaway. That wouldn’t really be a big deal except for the fact that Amy has been married to Andrew Shue (aka Billy from Melrose Place) since 2010, and that was the same year that T.J. married his wife, attorney Marilee Fiebig. After those ESCANDALOSO pap pictures of Amy and T.J. came out, Page Six heard from a source who said that they’ve been passing their fuck parts to each other for months, and they have since left their spouses to be together. Good Whoring America!

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Kanye West Got The Boot From Sketchers HQ And His Donda Academy Shut Down For A Second Before Opening Back Up

October 27, 2022 / Posted by:

And the quick fallout of Kanye West‘s purposeful and consistent anti-Semitism continues! Kanye went on a series of insane tirades as usual, but instead of the regular nonsense about how amazing and genius he is, Kanye has lately been really into anti-Blackness and Jewish conspiracies. He claimed he would never be canceled, but then he lost his billionaire status from Forbes after Adidas joined Balenciaga, Vogue, JP Morgan Chase, Gap, and CAA in dropping him. Now it looks like Kanye is searching for a place to sell his bullshit foam slippers to because he hit up Sketchers‘ headquarters. But Sketchers is founded by Jewish people, so maybe he should have looked into that first, as he was promptly escorted off the premises. Oh, and his Christian private school, Donda Academy, announced it was closing before announcing its return a few hours later. Wow, sounds like a stable environment for learning!

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Olivia Wilde And Jason Sudeikis’ Former Nanny Spills More, And Olivia Might’ve Shared Her “Special Salad Dressing” Recipe

October 19, 2022 / Posted by:

It’s been evident that ever since Olivia Wilde was served custody papers from Jason Sudeikis onstage at CinemaCon that the continuing demise of their family unit would get messy; and their former nanny certainly pulled through with alleged details the other day when she came forward to share texts between her and Jason about the maybe-affair-turned-relationship between Olivia and Harry Styles. And this affair had everything: Apple Watches, salads with “her special dressing,” disposable dogs, and a distraught Jason lying in front of Olivia’s car so she couldn’t go see Harry. Despite Olivia and Jason presenting a united front to publicly refute the nanny’s first batch of hot tea, more texts between Jason and the nanny are here. And because Olivia desperately needs to score points with the public after a good many months of being called out for her personal and professional drama, she finally gave the people what they want by maybe posting the recipe for her dick-winning salad dressing.

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