For those keeping track, Donda: With Child is still undelivered when by this point, Kanye West should already be thinking about getting on a waiting list if he wants it to get into a good preschool. But I get it, Kanye’s been very, very, very busy. Not only is he running a [insert adjective of your choice] presidential campaign, according to a slew of recent tweets, he’s also Moses, Nat Turner, and “the 2nd richest black man in America” who is tirelessly working to free his people. His “people” being exclusive to any other rich Black man in America. So you’ll have to excuse him if his album won’t be out until Sony and Universal release him from his contract and Drake apologizes to him for, I don’t know, being richer than him I guess. Folks, as usual, it’s a mess.
Rumor has it that Rumer has it for Armie Hammer. According to Page Six, Rumer Willis was spotted walking armie-in-armie with Armie yesterday in Los Angeles. Fresh off of cosplaying Kim Kardashian for a new ad campaign for Skims, Rumer’s apparently doubling down on her questionable associations by kicking it with a recently separated man who has more dubious opinions than a soccer stadium full of artificial assholes.
Kanye West’s not giving up without a fight! The AP reports that I’m tired. So very tired. Like every bone in my body is individually smashing that snooze button from dawn to dusk tired. After getting booted off the ballot in Ohio, Kanye decided to sue Ohio Secretary of State, Republican Frank LaRose in protest. He’s also, according to TMZ, launching a full court press in Arizona, no matter the cost, to ensure his name appears on the ballot in that state. Aren’t you tired? This shit be tiring as hell. I think one of my proximal phalanges just gave up and died.
Kim Kardashian Returned To California And Left Kanye In Wyoming To Continue His Presidential Campaign With The Unwitting Help Of Kirsten Dunst
I’ve heard that the kickoff for the Birthday Party National Convention has been delayed because somebody is taking a giant shit in there right now and still has the key (it’s being held in the men’s room at an ARCO just off I-25 outside of Cody, Wyoming). So we don’t currently have any more information about Kanye West’s presidential platform or plans for America other than possibly replacing the USPS with Christian TikTok videos? What little we do have to go on is …confusing. According to Billboard, Kanye released some new campaign materials on Twitter and despite graphic design being his passion, it’s a little hard to make out it’s meaning. Kanye shared a campaign poster featuring images of Anna Wintour, Kirsten Dunst, and others, prompting Kiki to ask what we’re all thinking— “What’s the message here, and why am I a part of it??”
Even with the help of the GOP, regrettably one of the most powerful (if inept) organizations in the country right now, Kanye West’s Birthday Party clown campaign keeps creampieing itself in the face. According to Business Insider, Kanye’s bid to get on the Wisconsin ballot with the help of one of Donald Trump’s personal campaign lawyers is being challenged by the Democratic Party who claim “he submitted his nomination papers late and used bogus signatures,” which included “Mickey Mouse” and “Bernie Sanders.” Additionally, the New York Post reports that he’s been kicked off the Illinois ballot, his home state, after officials found that “1,900 of the 3,128 signatures West submitted are invalid.” OK, haha, who sent in R. Kelly’s crayon writing practice worksheets from jail as a joke? Not cool, man. He’s doing his best!
Kanye West Pretty Much Admits That His Presidential Campaign Is Designed To Hurt Joe Biden’s Chances
Kanye West is supposed to be focusing on Operation: Save His Shit Marriage in an “island fortress” somewhere in the Dominican Republican, but I guess Pimp Mama Kris’ Zoom call presentation, where she uses storyboards to show how they can stretch out the inevitable KimYe divorce for maximum attention and profits, doesn’t take all day. Because Kanye managed to pull himself away for a minute to talk to his good friends at Forbes about how the Donald Trump campaign is helping him get on the ballot in certain states. That move makes it look like Kanye2020 is a reboot of JillStein2016, and he didn’t deny that, but he later tweeted that his goal is to win it all. So basically he’s Amber Rose’s three fingers and the presidential race is his booty hole because he’s all the way in.