If Prince Andrew woke up this morning with his ears burning, it wasn’t because another one of his idiosyncratic war injuries was acting up. It’s because 4,000 miles away in a Tallahassee, Florida jail cell, a woman Andrew claims to barely know, Ghislaine Maxwell, gave an exclusive interview to The Daily Mail and expressed sympathy for what her “dear friend” has been going through ever since she was tried and convicted of sex trafficking a minor and to sentenced to serve 20 years in prison. And if that wasn’t proof enough that Andrew and that woman he claims Kevin Spacey invited to Buckingham Palace to sit on his now deceased mother, THE QUEEN’s throne, were actually, in fact, at one point, two spoiled-rotten peas in a pod, Ghislaine pulled a total Prince Andrew by complaining about the variety of fruit available to her at meal times. Continue reading
The only silver lining to have come out of Prince Andrew essentially getting away with murder (ing the last veneer of respectability for the Royal Family), was that at least he was broke, or so we thought, after having paid a reported $12 dollar settlement to make all that sex trafficking bother with his former mate Jeffrey Epstein disappear. However, The Sun reports that Andrew’s mum THE QUEEN probably didn’t have to sell jars of her Royal farts on the internet to help cover his payment to his accuser, Virginia Giuffre, because sources are now saying that Andrew only had to pay $3.5 to $6 million to settle the lawsuit in which Virginia accused him of sexually abusing her when she was 17. The Sun says that Andrew is so not broke in fact, he and Original Fergie just bought a $6 million house in the “posh” Mayfair district in London. So I guess Liz was just selling her farts for Love of God and County. God may save the queen, but THE QUEEN saves her queefs for The People.
Back in the day, Victoria’s Secret and its annual fashion show was a pretty big deal. A who’s who of “I fucked Leonardo DiCaprio!” lingerie models strutting down the runway in elaborate wings. For whatever reason, the people were obsessed. I guess because… titties? But this was before #MeToo and a little something called “inclusivity.” In 2018, Victoria’s Secret chief marketing officer, Ed Razek, said he wouldn’t cast trans or plus-sized models, and, the following year, the fashion show was cancelled. It has yet to return. In 2020 a bunch of VS models signed an open letter urging the company to “take concrete action to change its culture of misogyny and abuse.” The letter referenced a New York Times exposé that accused Ed Razek of sexual harassment.
But Ed being gross wasn’t Victoria’s biggest secret. The dirtiest laundry is that the company’s former CEO, Lex Wexner, had close ties to Jeffrey Epstein, who allegedly recruited young girls through VS. Now there’s a Hulu docuseries about these allegations and the company’s downfall, and the trailer just dropped. It’s called Victoria’s Secret: Angels and Demons, and if you thought the Abercrombie & Fitch documentary was seedy, hold onto your perky little supermodel butts.
Six months ago Prince Andrew was putting his supposedly non-working royal sweat glands to the test when his gal pal Ghislaine Maxwell became the first person convicted on five federal sex trafficking charges to have sat on THE THRONE. But thanks to mummy’s deep pockets by way of the British taxpayer, Kevin Spacey was able to leapfrog over his back to get in line to be the second. Unfortunately for Ghislaine, unlike Andrew, whose very expensive lucky break meant he got to do the alleged crime without having to do the time, Ghislaine is looking at a possible 30-55 years of sitting on the porcelain throne she can see from her cot at her upcoming sentencing trial scheduled to begin on June 28. But don’t feel too badly for her. What Ghislaine’s throne lacks in upholstered opulence, it more than makes up for in security. The guards at Buckingham Palace may have let the riff-raff slip onto THE QUEEN’s throne, but nothing but dookie will be slipping into Ghislaine’s.
One of the many, many photos floating around out there that make Prince Andrew look real guilty, is one taken in 2002 of Kevin Spacey and Ghislaine Maxwell yukking it up while seated in THE QUEEN’s extra fancy Laz-E-Boys located in the Throne Room at Buckingham Palace. Knowing the company he keeps, it’s logical to assume Kevin and Ghislaine were there at Andrew’s invitation. However, just as Andrew has tried to explain away that photo of him with his arm around his accuser Virginia Giuffre as Ghislaine looks on like a proud mama, according to The Sun, sources say that Andrew wants to further distance himself from Ghislaine by having Kevin testify on his behalf that he was the one, not Andrew, who invited her to fart into THE QUEEN’s cushions. Andrew apparently doesn’t even know how that woman got past the guards!
Prince Andrew Is Trying To Push Through The Sale Of His Swiss Chalet To Cover His Legal Bills Because His Mother Refuses To Help
I know a lot of attention has been on Ghislaine Maxwell lately, what with her sex trafficking conviction and all, but has anybody stopped to think about how hard these past few months have been for Prince Andrew? Ghislaine’s a big girl, she can take care of herself, but Andrew is as vulnerable and helpless as a newborn lamb. And ever since he was sued by Virginia Giuffre for allegedly sexually assaulting her when she was a minor, he’s more bewildered than ever! It’s gotten so bothersome in fact that even his mother THE QUEEN can’t help him now. Or at least, whoever is Weekend At Bernie’s-ing Her Majesty at the moment, refuses to help. According to The Daily Mail, Andrew is currently trying to push through the sale of his and Sarah Ferguson’s Swiss Chalet because Liz refuses to pay his mounting legal fees. His only other option is to become a cat burglar and sneak into Princess Michael of Kunt’s Nazi war chest for looted gold!