Today will no doubt be a very confusing day for the Facetune app on Kim Kardashian’s phone. For the first time since it was downloaded from the app store, it won’t be opened every sixteen seconds to play fast and loose with reality, like it usually is. But it doesn’t have to worry, because there’s a very important reason for why Kim won’t be posting any selfies today. Kim and several other celebrities have vowed to stay off Facebook and Instagram for 24 hours today, to protest Facebook’s failure to address their hate speech problem.
Anyone who has ever wondered what they did to have an Instagram feed full of targeted ads for control-top leggings knows there could be improvements made to the algorithm (no really, why do I get so many). Prince Harry, truly a man of the, “Fix it if it’s broke” mentality, gave his thoughts on the current state of social media. Harry has written an editorial for Fast Company in which he explains that social media is a huge mess right now, and it could probably use a makeover.
36-year-old Mark Zuckerberg is not like any other normal thirty-something. Mostly because he seems like a soulless robot who can never answer hard questions about his role in the decay of society. But hey, would a soulless robot need sunscreen? Certainly not as much as Zuckerberg is using! Mark was spotted out on the water keeping his very fair skin safe from sun damage by slathering on so much sunscreen onto his face you’d think it was a Banana Boat Bukake.
Elon Musk took time away from communicating with his and Grimes’ alleged unborn baby via AI-powered sonic unit, and decided to go after Mark Zuckerberg on Twitter with help from Sacha Baron Cohen. Elon has hated on Facebook in the past. Two years ago, he deleted all Facebook pages associated with his companies. And now he’s telling the rest of y’all to #DeleteFacebook.
Because you, the average person, are too lazy to actually take your ass to Target, Jeff Bezos just became $13.2 billion richer than he already was. Congratulations, you just paid for Lauren Sanchez’ spa treatments for a year! Ok, maybe 6 months, but seriously get a grip. You’re an adult. Do you have a crush on your Amazon Prime driver or something?
According to Bloomberg (the news org, not the other billionaire, at least not directly), Amazon stock surged yesterday, netting Jeff $13.2 billion in as much time as it takes for you to find anything on Prime Video using their crappy search function. Seriously, how is Netflix the only streaming service with a user friendly interface?!
Ricky Gervais, cockringmaster of the latest celebrity jerk-off fest known as the Golden Globes, started the show by calling out the hypocrites of Hollywood who act all woke yet receive checks from Chinese sweatshop-using companies like Apple (and he said it in front of Tim Cook). Ricky then said that those fraudulent wokies need to stop getting all political in their speeches because his ears are about to fall off from the hypocrisy of it all. The celebrities totally listened! Michelle Williams listened! Patricia Arquette listened! Joaquin Phoenix listened too! And Sacha Baron Cohen definitely listened when he used his time on the Golden Globes stage to once again call out Facebook overlord Mark Zuckerberg for letting the Nazis Nazi it up on your mom’s favorite site to post wine memes on.