HBO Max And Discovery+ Are Merging, And Warner Bros. Stands By “The Flash”

Whenever I go to a restaurant or store that I’ve loved and see the dreaded “under new management” sign, I just know that my favorite place is about to be ruined. Well, that’s what’s happening with HBO Max. When WarnerMedia merged with Discovery earlier this year, David Zaslav, who was the head bitch at Discovery, became the CEO of the whole thing. And he’s been changing things up and not always in a good way. That became more apparent this week when we learned that Warner Bros. shit-canned the Batgirl movie and the holiday sequel to Scoob!, despite the fact that both movies were pretty much done. And yesterday, it was officially announced that HBO Max and Discovery+ will merge into one streaming platform and will reportedly focus more on unscripted programs. On top of all that, David Zaslav said that The Flash movie is still a go, despite the fact that its star is an alleged grooming abuser who is on a world tour of terror. So good decisions all around. But I’m sure that there are some people clapping at these decisions and those people are the executives at Disney, Netflix, NBCUniversal, etc…

Batgirl, which starred Leslie Grace, Michael Keaton, and Brendan Fraser, was all set to be released on HBO Max later this year. The same goes for Scoob: Holiday Haunt. The rumor was that Batgirl, which reportedly cost at least $90 million to make, was a flop with test audiences and so Warner Bros. Discovery decided to shelve it, and Scoob, completely. They reportedly decided that the best financial move would be to pull some Producers-style crap and use both projects as a tax write-off. Sources have said that WBD scrapped Batgirl, which was only meant for HBO Max and not a theatrical release, because the studio wants all DC features to be at a “blockbuster scale.” So, WBD wants you to think they’re choosing “quality” over “quantity,” and “quality” to them is a superhero movie starring a predator menace who is on the run from authorities.

Variety says that during WBD’s quarterly earnings call yesterday, David Zaslav farted at the mouth about how excited they are about DC’s upcoming movies, including The Flash, and said that they will make them even better. By “make them even better,” I doubt he means that they’re going to take a Magic Eraser to Ezra Miller since it’s already been reported that the studio is in too deep to replace Ezra as The Flash or scrap the $200 million movie entirely. Instead, David continued to push the “quality over quantity” message.

“We have seen ‘The Flash,’ ‘Black Adam’ and ‘Shazam 2,’” said Warner Bros. Discovery CEO David Zaslav during the company’s Q2 earnings call on Thursday. “We are very excited about them. We’ve seen them. We think they are terrific, and we think we can make them even better.”

Zaslav also defended the company’s recent decision to kill the “Batgirl” movie starring Leslie Grace, saying: “We’re not going to launch a movie until it’s ready. We’re not going to launch a movie to make a quarter, and we’re not going to put a movie out unless we believe in it.”

In David’s defense, maybe he doesn’t know all the violent and ILLEGAL things that Ezra Miller has been accused of (including new accusations that Ezra has groomed more minors and ran a cult in Iceland). Maybe David hasn’t had time to Google Ezra Miller since he’s been too busy with his head up the asses of Chip and Joanna Gaines.

Because during that call, it was also officially announced that HBO Max and Discovery+ will become one streaming app that will launch next summer. And all of the shows on Chip and Joanna’s Magnolia Network will also be available on HBO Max. via Variety:

HBO Max and Discovery+ will launch in the U.S. as a single service in the summer of 2023, according to JB Perrette, CEO and president of global streaming and games for Warner Bros. Discovery, speaking on the company’s Q2 earnings call.

“At the end of the day, putting all the content together was the only way we saw to make this a viable business,” Perrette told analysts. Bringing HBO Max and Discovery+ together is aimed at cutting churn so “there’s something for everyone in the household,” he said.

WBD did not announce what the new brand name for the merged service will be, nor did execs discuss pricing for the unified streamer. Warner Bros. Discovery is initially focused on the ad-supported and ad-free versions of the combined HBO Max-Discovery+, Perrette said, but is also “exploring how to reach customers in the free, ad-supported space” with content that is totally different from what’s on the premium VOD services.

That call wasn’t a total mess, though. It did answer a mystery for me when they addressed the demographics of HBO Max and Discovery+. Whenever I open the HBO Max app to watch super manly man shows like Hacks, Big Little Lies, Legendary, The Flight Attendant, and The Other Two, a beer-guzzling helmet lands on my head, a BBQ sauce-stained NASCAR t-shirt ends up on my body, and my voice drastically drops as I give in to the sudden urge to scream, “LET’S HIT DAVE & BUSTER’S FOR SOME HOT PUSSY, BRUH!” And whenever I watch something on Discovery+, a wine-filled Rosé All Day cup ends up in my hand, Lululemon leggings appear on my body, and I suddenly want to eat my delicate feelings in a bowl of chocolate cake batter soup. That’s because HBO Max is from Mars and Discovery+ is from Venus. What an aha moment.

https://twitter.com/nintendult/status/1555298527491891200?s=20&t=YiQAqbkBjpO6Jy4fOO2X9w

The Wrap adds that WBD is expected to lay off a huge chunk of HBO Max’s staff and is going to cut back on scripted programming to focus on unscripted stuff. So next summer when you want to watch something on Discovery HBO Max+, or whatever they’re going to call it, you might see less prestige series starring Oscar-winning actresses and more shows from the 90 Day Fiance Universe (barf) and Magnolia. To me, that’s a bad move. If WBD wants HBO Max to focus more on unscripted shit, they should just scrap all their shows and show nothing but reruns of Taxicab Confessions and Real Sex. Now that’s a good business move.

Pics: HBO Max, Magnolia Network, Warner Bros.