Jimmy Kimmel Addressed THE SLAP In His Oscars Opening Monologue

For anyone hoping there would be a repeat of last year’s slap-happy Academy Awards ceremony, I’m sorry to disappoint you. It was just as stale as it’s always been for the past nine decades. Well, that’s what I’m assuming because I didn’t watch that mess. However, I wish I could have at least caught Jimmy Kimmel‘s opening monologue in real time because he skewered most of the people in that room like they were on the menu at Benihana. But it was what he had to say about Will Smith‘s infamous pimp slap to Chris Rock‘s face that ironically left a sting across Will‘s face as he watched from the comfort of his own home like the rest of y’all.

Last night stuffy stars from near and far gathered to honor themselves with the same golden dildo they’ve been thirsting for since Hollywood’s origin. And Jimmy was on hand to use his razor-sharp words to slice at the egos of most folks in the room, which is something he can get away with since he, too, is one of the good ol’ boys. Jimmy has permission to dig his nails in just enough to make Hollywood squirm, yet not too much where he gets blackballed. And it’s a talent he exhibited during his monologue with an AMC joke about alluring apparition Nicole Kidman (“Thank you for encouraging people who were already at the movie theater to go to the movie theater“) as well as a Scientology dig at Nicole’s tiny tumbling Top Gun: Maverick ex-husband Tom Cruise (“Tom Cruise with his shirt off in that beach football scene? L. Ron Hubba Hubba!”). However, those jokes were just the appetizer as Jimmy geared up for the main course; Filet O’ SLAP! And he had to remind people in the audience that the Academy Slap Squad (ASS) was ready to tackle a bitch down to the linoleum in case they felt like getting handsy like Will so poorly did last year. Variety reports;

“We want you to have fun, feel safe and, most importantly, we want me feel safe,” Kimmel told the audience.. “So, we have strict policies in pace. If anyone in this theater commits an act of violence at any point during the show, you will be awarded the Oscar for best actor and permitted to give a 19-minute long speech. But seriously, the academy has a crisis team in place. If anything unpredictable or violent happens during the show, sit there and do absolutely nothing. Maybe even give the assailant a hug.”

Oh, but that wasn’t all.

Later on during the ceremony as the runtime approached the two-hour mark, Kimmel quipped, “At this point in the show, it kind of makes you miss the slapping a little bit, right?”

The host ended the broadcast with one last slap joke, walking backstage to a sign titled “Number of Oscars Telecasts Without Incident” and flipping the zero to one.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Chris secretly wrote Jimmy’s jokes as a way to further dig his own nails into Will’s chest because that makes perfect sense. Notice how Jimmy NEVER made any references to Chris? That’s because comedians stick together, and they will always have the last laugh.

Pic: YouTube