HBO Max, I Mean, “Max,” Released A Teaser Trailer For “The Batman” Spin-Off Series “The Penguin” Starring Colin Farrell
Yesterday, Warner Bros. Discovery officially announced that next month, HBO Max will merge with Discover Plus and become just MAX. That is a smart branding move since they’re erasing a brand name (HBO) that most people know well and replacing it with the name of every other neighborhood dog on your block. Max will launch on May 13th, and prices will range from $9.99 a month or $99.99 a year for a subscription with ads to $19.99 a month or $199.99 a year for the ultimate 4k ad-free subscription. Max (ugh, that name) also announced new shows, including that Harry Potter series, and served up trailers for their upcoming shows. That includes a little teaser for Matt Reeves’ The Batman spin-off series The Penguin, starring Colin Farrell continuing to fight the hot under forty-five tons of wrinkly prosthetics.
Just when we thought that nobody bothered watching Saturday Night Live anymore, Colin Farrell might’ve reinstated public interest with a sprinkle of shade towards the sketch show during the 2023 Academy Awards. Oscar host Jimmy Kimmel descended down from the stage for the part of the show where he puts a mic in the face of audience members to ask questions from “fans” (aka the Oscars writer’s room). After terrorizing activist and human embodiment of world peace Malala Yousafzai, Jimmy stepped up to Colin Farrell to ask a question on behalf of “Joey from Las Vegas,” saying, “Colin, I loved your performance in The Banshees of Inisherin, my question is, what were you saying in the movie?” Colin hit back with, “I’d like him to go on Youtube and check out SNL last night and he’ll have a good idea.”
Last night’s Oscars was pretty boring, but a few things stirred me from my weed drink-induced stupor: that “Naatu Naatu” song n’ dance number, and Jenny the Donkey, the real star of Banshees of Inisherin. To Colin Farrell’s delight, host Jimmy Kimmel brought Jenny out halfway into the show, joking that, in addition to being an actor, she was also an emotional support donkey — “Or at least that’s what we told the airline to get her on the plane from Ireland.” This disturbed me, because a wee little donkey like Jenny should never get on a plane, even for the Oscars. Also, as we reported yesterday, Jenny was supposed to be living a quiet life in the Irish midlands! So, what gives? A Vulture source cleared things up, revealing that, actually, the Jenny at the Oscars was “just a random donkey.” BAMBOOZLEMENT! Continue reading
With all the talk of a bunch of Irish people getting recognition in this year’s Oscars, let’s not forget who the real star of Ireland actually is: Jenny the donkey! Jenny stole the show in the critically acclaimed The Banshees of Inisherin, which is up for nine Oscars tonight. She played Colin Farrell’s best friend in the film and won over everyone’s hearts. Now that Jenny is a bona fide STAH, has fame gone to this beast of burden’s head? Nope! Jenny is just enjoying the simple life in a secret location in the Irish midlands. If only other actors would take a page from Jenny’s book.
An incredibly important video from 1994 was recently unearthed by a TV archivist from Meath, Ireland. Greg Molloy was digitizing some old donated VHS tapes when he stumbled upon a clip of a then-18-year-old Colin Farrell modeling a red thong on an Irish daytime show. The Irish Sun released stills from Colin’s long-forgotten appearance last April, but it wasn’t until last week that we got the full video in all its glory. I can safely say that this is the most exciting historical discovery since archaeologists found King Tut’s tomb one-hundred years ago. A win for historians and horndogs alike! Continue reading
Well, this is embarrassing. Turns out that, despite my reservations and japing, the world really was clamoring for emo Batman! Deadline reports that director Matt Reeves and The Titular The Batman, Robert Pattinson, have both signed on for more pouting and skulking for a sequel, sadly not tentatively titled The Batman 2: Sonata in Darkness Boogaloo. Continue reading