Presumably because he works cheap and already has the wardrobe for it, Nicolas Cage will be starring as Tiger King’s Joe Exotic in an upcoming 8-part scripted television series. According to Variety, it will be Nic’s first-ever regular television role and he’ll also be acting as an executive producer. To me, this casting is a little too on the nose in that Nic has personally made nearly as many disastrous life choices as Joe, and it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if I heard Nic had a secret stash of tigers somewhere if I thought he could afford them.
I’m not sure which planet, in which galaxy, dictates Nicolas Cage’s circadian rhythm, but he’s recently come out of dormancy, cycled into an active phase and was spotted roaming a New Orleans cemetery. Nic, having molted his previous leather skin, visited his own tomb in St. Louis 1 cemetery wearing shiny new leather skin. And he’s taken a new mate. According to People, Nic stopped by to commune with his eventual final resting place on Fat Tuesday wearing matching leather outfits with a new “mystery woman.” Coincidentally (?!?!), next month marks the 1 year anniversary of Nicolas Cage’s 4-day marriage to Erika Koike.
Nicolas Cage was once a huge, Oscar-winning movie star (it’s true) and then he made a few left turns, got into a marriage that lasted three seconds, fed a few shrooms to his cat, and he got into a messy fist fight with Vince Neil. Now cut to him rage singing Purple Rain and making movies about amusement park rides coming to life. Just when you think Nicolas Cage has done about everything he could do and it’s time for him to retire to the land of misfit movie makers and spend his days with the Tom Sizemores and Mel Gibsons of the world, he is trying to make a comeback, playing none other than Nicolas Cage himself. How very John Malkovich of him.
Nicolas Cage has a movie out now called Primal which is basically about Nic catching a mythical jaguar before fighting a terrorist (Kevin Durand) and other mythical creatures on a ship. So it’s a documentary. Nic Cage has been living his best Nic Cage life both personally and professionally for years so this new movie premise sounds perfectly on brand. Nic did an interview with HuffPo to promote Primal, and talked about his thoughts on mythical creatures, and what animal he wants to be reincarnated as. And no, Nic doesn’t want to come back as the cat he accidentally gave mushrooms to. Nic, who is currently living this life as messy grizzly bear, wants to come back as an Orca Whale.
Despite what some of his life choices might have you believe, Nicolas Cage doesn’t do drugs. In fact, according to an interview he recently gave to The New York Times Magazine, he’s “completely antidrug”. Well, except for that time his friend gave him a bag of mushrooms which he kept in the refrigerator and his cat would “go in” and “and grab” it, “almost like he knew what it was. He loved it.”. I guess this happened enough times that eventually Nic “started going, ‘I guess I’ll do it”. Don’t worry though, Nic says “it was a peaceful and beautiful experience” but that he “subsequently threw them out”. But we’re not here to talk about Nic doing mushrooms with his cat, that’s old news. He told that story on Letterman. What’s new news is that Nic went on a quest to find the Holy Grail, which led him to buy a house in Rhode Island, which, in part, is why he went broke. Well, that and the dinosaur skull. But definitely not the $80 octopus.
Back in February of last year, Lisa Marie Presley was estranged from her husband, flat broke, and suing her former financial manager for making her trade in all her leather and velvet outfits for an old barrel and suspenders. Well, I guess that barrel was too scratchy and uncomfortable so Lisa’s decided it’s time to cash in her last chip by signing a multi-million dollar book deal. A source tells Page Six it will be “a bombshell” that “promises shocking revelations about Michael Jackson and a completely new understanding of Elvis”. While there is no mention whatsoever about her including details about her 107-day marriage to Nicolas Cage, I am still interested. Her life, I’m sure, is all the way bananas.