Uh oh! Sex grandpa Harrison Ford did a whoopsies on a plane again! Nope, he didn’t pull a Gérard Depardieu. He taxied across the runway after being told not to by the tower operator. I assumed it was some bad boy Han Solo shit, but Harrison just misunderstood the operator’s orders. The incident occurred last Friday, right after the 77-year-old amateur pilot landed his plane at Hawthorne Airport, near Los Angeles. Continue reading
The New Lady Gaga Album Tracklist Has Leaked, And Features Collaborations With Elton John, Ariana Grande, And Blackpink
I don’t know who’s in charge of keeping Lady Gaga’s new album Chromatica on lockdown, but, so far, they’ve done a shit job. First the lead single, Stupid Love, leaked weeks early, and then, this morning, Target posted the album for pre-order on their site with the full tracklist visible. They’ve since removed that version. Dumb mistake, or dumb PR move?
Lady Gaga (seen above, three faces ago in 2016) previously posted Chromatica’s artwork to Instagram, but blurred out the tracklist and other info. But, thanks to Target, we now know the album features collaborations with Elton John, Ariana Grande, and South Korean girl group Blackpink.
Last year Amy Schumer came down with a case of the babies. When she finally recovered, she was left with an infant son, who got the name Gene Attell Fischer from his mom and dad Chris Fischer. The name “Gene” was maybe a tribute to Gene Wilder. “Attell” was for Amy’s comedian buddy and frequent collaborator Dave Attell. And if you understand how surnames work, you’ll know “Fischer” is after his daddy.
Cute, right? Well, apparently not. Because comic geniuses (read: anyone with the same sense of humor as a horny 12-year-old boy) soon realized “Gene Attell Fischer” sounded exactly like “Genital Fissure”. And even without the Fischer, it’s still freakin’ “Genital”! People wondered, was Amy trolling us? And if not, shouldn’t a comedian have noticed the pun? Well, almost one year later, Amy has revealed the truth on her podcast “3 Girls, 1 Keith”.
*Disclaimer: No 2014 era Ben Afflecks were harmed in this incident.
According to CNN, Disney’s Jungle Cruise tanked and it hasn’t even hit theaters yet, but it did apparently hit rock bottom. One of the Jungle Cruise boats at Disney World started taking on water and all the passengers had to be “rescued” out of 12 inches of murky Florida pond water. Disney just hiked up the prices at Disneyland and at Disney World, but I guess the extra cash is being spent on upgrades to the cryogenic tank for Walt Disney’s head instead of on park maintenance. If Disney had any integrity whatsoever they’d fill Walt’s head tank with Jungle Cruise water just to prove it’s safe.
But, unlike Presley Gerber, Amber Rose, and Chris Brown, Orlando Bloom didn’t get a face tattoo (although, I’m surprised he hasn’t gotten “Yes, I know you’ve seen my dick” tattooed on his forehead). And Orlando’s tattoo is sweet. Orlando paid tribute to Flynn, his 9-year-old son with Miranda Kerr, by getting his son’s name tattooed on his arm. Orlando didn’t want to be so blatant by spelling out Flynn’s name in words. So he did it in Morse code. Well, what’s “Ooops!” in Morse code, because Flynn’s name is spelled wrong on Orlando’s arm. NO RAGRETS, I guess.
Billy Dee Williams wants the world to know that despite media reports stating that he came out as gender fluid, it’s simply not true. In fact, he told us all to get off his not-gender fluid lawn, because he’s not gender fluid, he’s just a Carl Jung psychology enthusiast. Billy Dee stated he was confused when he saw all the headlines about him being gender fluid and had to pull out his latest edition of Encyclopedia Britannica to look up what it even meant. Billy Dee says he’s just more in touch with the softer side of himself and that we should all educate ourselves on the workings of Carl Jung.