Category: Time Magazine
Elon Musk Made The Short List For Time Magazine’s Person Of The Year
As we all prepare to buy gifts we know we can’t afford, the richest person in the world, Elon Musk, is crying tears of joy and dabbing at his eyes with million-dollar bills after once again being added to the shortlist for Time Magazine’s Person of the Year. Or, perhaps he’s just crying because when he graced the cover last year, he wasn’t in the process of murdering Twitter with his ridiculous antics. Honestly, I don’t think he should have made the list in the first place because he’s a self-destructive demon.
Prince Harry And Meghan Markle Made The Cover Of TIME Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People Of 2021 Issue
TIME has released their list of who they believe are the 100 Most Influential People of 2021, which includes Lil Nas X, naturally (you don’t piss off an ocean of conservative folks by lap dancing on the devil for nothing!), as well as Britney Spears, COVID vaccine angel Dolly Parton, Simone Biles, Timbaland and Swizz Beatz, Youn Yuh Jung, Tom Brady, and Bad Bunny. But also, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, who got a totally-not-Photoshopped-to-a-new-dimension-and-back cover all to themselves. Harry and Meghan’s inclusion on this year’s list falls under the “Icons” section. Oh TIME, why would you do that? You couldn’t put them in the section for artists or leaders or something? Harry and Meghan’s most rabid online haters are going to have a field day with that one. “Icons? More she conned her way into Harry’s life and ruined it forever!!!!1!!”
Dr. Fauci And JoJo Siwa Are Equally Influential According To The Time 100
There’s no greater honor (for a publicist) than landing a spot on the Time 100, Time Magazine’s publicist prom. Induction into the Time 100 comes with a fancy photo-shoot (for some) and a seemingly randomly assigned essay extolling the winner’s virtue. Ergo, Jimmy Kimmel was selected to write about this year’s cover boy for the Leaders category, Dr. Anthony Fauci when Dr. Phil would obviously have been a better choice. You know, Dr. to Dr. Sometimes it makes a little sense, like Marlon Brando Jr., Leonardo DiCaprio, honoring Indigenous activist Nemonte Nenquimo who has worked to protect rainforests in the Ecuadorian Amazon, even though she’s way too old to fuck at 33. But then you have Kim Kardashian West waxing poetic about JoJo Siwa and you think to yourself, is it too early to start drinking?
Greta Thunberg Is TIME Magazine’s Person Of The Year
Today, TIME Magazine did what they do every December, and they revealed who they chose for their annual Person of the Year issue. And it certainly wasn’t mypick Baby Yoda. Although to be fair to TIME, I should have seen this coming. After all, it’s not called the Heartbreakingly Beautiful Puppet of the Year. TIME named a person, not a puppet, and that person is 16-year-old Swedish climate change activist Greta Thunberg.
Time Magazine Released A List Of The “25 Most Influential People on the Internet”
Brace yourselves. A heinous travesty of justice has occurred. Time Magazine released its newish (this is the 5th year) annual list of the 25 Most Influential People on the Internet and Lindsay Lohan’s not on it. With that omission, Time’s list is a complete and utter failure and should not be taken seriously. Completely ignoring the fact that #DoTheLilo is the battle cry of a generation, Time’s list includes a woman who punctured her anus with her fingernails (Cardi B), an asbestos hawking Rainbow Brite doll, (Jojo Siwa, above), a sentient ponytail (Ariana Grande), a brazen American hussy and her faultless ginger prince (The Duke and Duchess of Sussex), a reformed porn addict (Jada Pinkett-Smith), a pro-cellulite crusader (Jameela Jamil), and some dude with an ugly dick (Donald Trump, allegedly). If Time doesn’t think Lilo belongs in that company, they’re out of their goddamn minds.
Donald Trump, Duchess Meghan, And Others Made Time’s “Person Of The Year” Shortlist
Unlike the PR feeding frenzy I imagine Hollywood is in the days leading up to People announcing their Most Beautiful list, I think the only nerds/people on Time’s “Person Of The Year” shortlist are Donald Trump and Duchess Meghan since they’re the only ones with enough time on their hands to give a shit. Some reps from the magazine stopped by the Today show, uh, today and revealed what people or groups they were considering for this year. It sounds like Trump might finally be able to get rid of that fake-ass Time cover from his wall.< !–more–>
Time reports that it is considering Trump (who was the 2016 honoree) because – even if he is a turd (they didn’t call him that, but you can infer) – he pretty much keeps cable news in business with all his personal drama, his tweets, separating kids from their parents at the U.S.-Mexico border, making THE QUEEN wait around on his tardy ass, and the ongoing Robert Mueller investigation into how much he was cozying up to Russia during the 2016 election. Speaking of, Robert also is a contender. Wouldn’t it be funny if Robert beat out Trump? Actually, that would probably be what finally causes Trump to put a stop to the investigation, so don’t pull any funny business, Time!
Time is also considering the separated immigrant families as this year’s “honor” since it’s up there as one of the most horrific stories of the year and so many kids remain separated from their parents. Trump’s international boo-thang Vladimir Putin, Black Panther director Ryan Coogler, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, assassinated Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi, South Korean President Moon Jae-in and March for Our Lives activists from the Stoneman Douglas High School shooting also made the cut. You could have honestly picked from that list and had someone worthy of the title.
Alas, Time needs to make sure copies of this thing sells, so Kensington Palace Terror Meghan made the list, too. Billions around the world tuned in and watched her snatch Prince Harry from our imaginary grasp, and she’s been wreaking havoc on royal protocol ever since. Oh, and she made sure to get knocked up in the process, so her ass isn’t going back to the colonies anytime soon. I mean, if it’s between some of the others tugging at our heartstrings or Meghan making Duchess Kate sob over a toddler’s bridesmaid dress, who could possibly decide?! Yeah, my money’s on Meghan, too.
Pic: Wenn.com