Welp. I think we know how Alec Baldwin got to eight kids and no doubt counting. Page Six reports that earlier today, Alec #ignitedinstragram with a request for his fans to follow his wife, Hilaria Baldwin, on Instagram, as a personal favor to him, on the occasion of Hilaria’s birthday so that she may reach the pinnacle of her career as an esposa/madre/yogui/mujer de influencia y cultural fluidity (sorry, that last one broke Google translate) by reaching the threshold of 1 million followers. At the time of this writing, Hilaria has 996K followers, and Alec says that reaching that mark would really make her day. Kinda makes you wonder what Hilaria’s magic number for babies is and if she’ll have enough time to reach it before there’s a global shortage of Baldwin spunk.
I know for me, I have been avoiding things like going to the dentist while COVID-19 is still running rampant and fucking everybody’s shit up. Thankfully, Olivia Jade is back on YouTube with a Vlog so mind-numbingly vapid, watching it is like getting a root canal, with no gas, right from the comfort of your own home!
Meghan Markle Made A Surprise Appearance On CNN’s “Heroes All-Star Tribute” And Sent Oprah Some New-Age Coffee
Viewers of CNN’s annual Heroes All-Star Tribute, which aired last night, were on the receiving end of some extra special charity in the form of former Duchess Meghan Markle who made a surprise appearance to honor “individuals (who) stood up and made sure the most basic needs of our communities were met” during the pandemic. Specifically, those who worked to aid people who have been experiencing food insecurity. Meghan’s act of charity will ensure her haters eat for days because not only did her eyeshadow and lipstick match the bank of lavender bushes that gently blew in the background, her lavender pussy blouse was hella ugly. Delicious. And I’m not even a hater!
There’s no greater honor (for a publicist) than landing a spot on the Time 100, Time Magazine’s publicist prom. Induction into the Time 100 comes with a fancy photo-shoot (for some) and a seemingly randomly assigned essay extolling the winner’s virtue. Ergo, Jimmy Kimmel was selected to write about this year’s cover boy for the Leaders category, Dr. Anthony Fauci when Dr. Phil would obviously have been a better choice. You know, Dr. to Dr. Sometimes it makes a little sense, like Marlon Brando Jr., Leonardo DiCaprio, honoring Indigenous activist Nemonte Nenquimo who has worked to protect rainforests in the Ecuadorian Amazon, even though she’s way too old to fuck at 33. But then you have Kim Kardashian West waxing poetic about JoJo Siwa and you think to yourself, is it too early to start drinking?
TikTok influencer Charly Jordan recently documented an incredibly harrowing experience of testing positive for COVID-19 while vacationing in Rwanda wherein she was forced to spend 4 days in a 3-star hotel room. She was deprived of food (she liked), separated from her fellow TikTokers, and worst of all, she was left with only her own deep thoughts for company. Charly used the time to evaluate her life choices, from the spelling of her name to how her dogged reliance on external validation has contributed to society’s decline into performative living and a general decrease in self-esteem and individualism as well as her own mental health. Haha, got you, this dingus got on Tik Tok and cried a million albino crocodile tears about how unfairly she was treated.
UPDATE: TMZ says that the raid has to do with Jake Paul getting arrested at the Scottsdale Mall in May during a protest for George Floyd. Jake was accused of using the protest to loot the mall but he denied it.
Jake Paul seems to be in a wee bit more trouble than he usually is. If there’s one thing rich nosy neighbors hate more than unruly house parties in the middle of a global pandemic, it’s a caravan of armored trucks with dozens of police and FBI agents in paramilitary uniform armed to the teeth rolling in on a Wednesday morning setting off everybody’s car alarm. According to ABC7, federal agents raided Jake’s house in Calabasas this morning and found “multiple firearms scattered across the property, including a long gun propped up against a hot tub in the backyard” which were all seized. If you had asked me yesterday which infamous Calabasas home would be the subject of a sealed federal search warrant, well let’s just say, it wouldn’t be this one. Although it would be a close second guess.