Billy Eichner voices Timon in the all-CGI The Lion King movie which my friend is seeing three times this weekend, so that should tell you everything you need to know about her sex life. During the London premiere of the movie, the stars got the chance to meet Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan. Well guess what, Billy claims Beyoncé got nervous meeting them! Have fun hearing from The Beygency, Billy, because they’re definitely going to wake you up in the middle of the night and drag you down to their headquarters to ask you how you’d like to be punished for breaking your NDA! Ask, Tiffany Haddish!
PRINCESS MOMS totally sounds like a Hallmark Channel movie about a commoner who marries a prince, pops out an heir, and now has to compete with a bunch of snooty stuck-up royal mommies who judge her for delaying the use of a training crown. It’s too bad Duchess Meghan doesn’t act in Hallmark movies anymore, because she’d be perfect for the lead role.
But if Meghan’s life does suck as much as the movie plot I just made up (and she claims it kind of does sometimes), then at least she’s got one ally on her team. And apparently it’s fellow royal mommy Duchess Kate.
Ever since Duchess Meghan married Prince Harry, it seems like there’s been no end to the stories about Meghan’s alleged demanding, difficult, stuck-up, spoiled, wasteful, too-Hollywood, diva duchess ways, etc… We’re barely a year out from the day Meghan married Harry, and every day since, the British press has basically been that aunt who lowers her sunglasses dramatically and hisses, “Oh you’re NEVER going to guess what she’s been up to now.” So nobody should have been surprised when Meghan recently spoke about her relationship and implied it hasn’t been all red carpets and tiaras.
How nice it must have been for her to be in the presence of royalty. After all, it’s not every day that one meets the indisputable Queen of Music, Beyoncé Knowles-Carter. I’m of course kidding, because I’m sure Beyoncé – a noted Duchess of Sussex fan – was also very thrilled to be meeting a royal like Duchess Meghan.
The Duchesses Went To Wimbledon, And Didn’t Scratch Each Other’s Faces Off Or Send A Pic Taker To The Gallows
When Duchess Meghan went to Wimbledon last week, it turned into an international ESCANDALO where it became clear she’s the greatest threat to the British empire since (insert whoever was the greatest threat to the British empire because I definitely passed out in world history class during that part). Meghan was called a nightmare who sicced her security after any uncouth peasant who dared to take her picture at a public event, and caused the corneas of the upper-class to burn from the sight of her low-class peon rags (aka jeans).
You would think that all the courts at Wimbledon would’ve crumbled from the unforgivable crime of Meghan wearing jeans, but they didn’t. And at the Ladies Final at Wimbledon today, Meghan showed up with Duchess Kate and Third Wheel Pippa. They sat in the Royal Box in front of Martina Navratilova and an unamused memaw in a polka dress who is obviously thinking, “How dare that Kate show up in the dress I like to wear at Christmas dinner each year.”
If today’s news is any indication, it seems like no one can win at Frogmore Cottage at the moment. There are reports that Duchess Meghan has pissed off more people at Wimebledon. We’ve also got some sources saying that Prince Harry’s quest for baby privacy is pissing off Prince William. The only one who hasn’t made anyone mad is Archie. But even he might have pissed on his newest nanny during a diaper change (he is just a regular ol’ baby, after all).