Lauren Sanchez’s Pro-Trump Brother Is Probably The Source Of The Leaked Texts Given To The National Enquirer
Well, it turns out Jeff Bezos didn’t accidentally leave his dick pics on the photocopier at work after all. As he suspected, more sinister forces were at work that led to the National Enquirer obtaining private text messages between Jeff and his lovah, Lauren Sanchez, which the Enquirer published. According to a Daily Beast investigation, the person responsible to handing over the goods to the Enquirer was Lauren’s own brother, Trump supporter and Roger Stone’s sometime BFF, Michael Sanchez. Damn. Sometimes, it really do be your own family.
Our fearless leader Donald Trump is really something else. Call him what you will, but at least he’s consistent. Who else could turn a direct question about the attack on Jussie Smollett into a diatribe about his fucking wall. During an Oval Office press conference, Omarosa’s sworn enemy (and therefore a hero of mine) April Ryan asked Trump if he had any comment on Jussie’s racist and homophobic ordeal. Before she could finish her question, Trump jumped in with some milquetoast platitudes and immediately pivoted his comments to discuss the fact that we’re allowing drug dealers and human traffickers into this country, calling that “the worst sin”. So sorry, folks. Per the President of the United States, words and their inherent meanings have been cancelled until further notice.
The early days of a relationship (or affair) are just the best…you gush really stupid shit to each other that would be deemed certifiably insane and emotionally unstable by an outside audience, you send lots of emojis, and there’s definitely the occasional peen pic or 50. Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez were doing that behind the backs of their spouses, and The National Enquirer got wind of that and spilled the tea to the rest of us. Now Jeff is out with a vengeance to see who handed off his dick pics to them. Hint: he thinks it may have something to do with Trump.
Whew, Daniel Radcliffe, lightning bolt-headed magic child, no. I am currently typing this post 10 minutes south of Boston, deep in the heart of Pats Nation so I’m in the know. And you don’t have to believe me but BELIEVE ME – you better fling a leg over your Quidditch broom and zoom your Hufflepuff whatever ass out of this dimension. Because Pats Nation is CRAY over the GOAT (aka New England Patriots golden boy Tom Brady) and they will come for you. These people don’t care that Tom Brady supports #Twitler. They wouldn’t care if he supported the actual Hitler! Tom Brady could be slapping puppies in the middle of Faneuil Hall wearing a BUILD THE WALL t-shirt while simultaneously doing all of their wives and heterosexual New England men would still be lining up to blow him. *crickets* Uh, yeah, Daniel Radcliffe called Tom Brady out for supporting Trump.
Kanye West‘s shoe collection (and all his fashion endeavors) are truly atrocious in terms of style and class and elegance. But now it’s being reported that Kanye’s fashion business isn’t just hideous to look at, it’s also screwing people out of their hard-earned money (and not just the people who buy that garbage).
The Blast is reporting that Kanye West is more like his idol Donald Trump than he probably realizes. The Japanese fabric supplier Toki Sen-I Co. has filed a lawsuit against Kanye and his Yeezy Apparell, LLC for not paying them for work.
Yesterday, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady clinched his spot to return to the Super Bowl for the ninth time, and all the Brady fan boys jizzed their pants with excitement. Meanwhile, over at the Whitest house in America, a very moist in his nether regions Donald Trump also pursed his lips together to kiss both of Brady’s butt cheeks by tweeting out his congrats after their win.