Fire alarms at the White House are definitely going off right now from Donald Trump overheating with rage after learning that a judge ordered the WH to return CNN reporter Jim Acosta’s press pass.
HAHAHAHA! I mean, could I see Kim Kardashian sitting Kanye West down to educate him on important things like what’s the best backlighting for a selfie or how to swindle seed money from some unsuspecting fool to use to start a makeup line? Absolutely. Can I see her donning a professor gown to teach him the intricacies of U.S. politics and why Kanye’s former (?) BFF Donald Trump isn’t in line with the Kardashian-West family values? Let’s just say I can imagine that happening as much as I can Donald and Hillary Clinton enjoying a nice vacation together. Either way, Kim is trying to take credit for Kanye taking off that stupid Make America Great Again hat for good. Way to cover your tracks, Pimp Mama Kris!
Michael Avanatti, full of hubris and wielding a huge power boner, has flown too close to the sun and, allegedly, punched it in the face. Avanatti The Got Caughtti (I’m grieving, cut me some slack!) was arrested for felony domestic abuse on Wednesday. According to TMZ, Michael is accused of laying hands on a woman on Tuesday, and was arrested on Wednesday after his alleged victim (who is not his estranged wife, as was originally reported) caused a scene in front of a luxury apartment complex in the Century City neighborhood in Los Angeles.
This season of America is so wild, y’all. Did you catch last week’s episode where President Trump was holding a press conference and Jim Acosta from CNN asked him a few pointed questions, so Trump sent in an intern to take his microphone away and then revoked his press credentials? Then had his press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders try to make it seem like it was because Jim had “placed hands” on the intern by posting a video they got from a fringe, right-wing conspiracy website, which one of Trump’s attorneys later confirmed to had been “not altered” but “sped up“? That shit was BANANAS. Well, this week’s episode is just as crazy. CNN and Jim are suing Donald, Sarah, White House Chief of Staff John Kelly, the Deputy Chief of staff, the Director of the Secret Service, and an individual secret service officer.
According to multiple sources, Donald Trump’s favorite daughter and his third wife aren’t getting along. It’s the battle of Complicit Barbie vs The Be Best Brunette, aka Ivanka Trump vs. Melania Trump. And their drama apparently stems from who was going to get to take a trip to Africa first.
There’s a lot of weird shit that goes on with Donald Trump (the hair, the excess marble, the…oh, you know the rest), so picking the weirdest is like trying to find a needle in a strangestack. One that I personally think about and often finding myself go “DA FUQ?!” is how he is creepily obsessed with how his daughter, Ivanka Trump, looks and how allegedly hot she is…until now. Trump has put more of an effort in campaigning ahead of today’s midterm elections than he has in the entire first two years of his presidency, and at a campaign stop in Cleveland, he took a few minutes to sing “Lament” from Evita over how the era of #MeToo means he can never call women like Ivanka “beautiful.” Presumably, that means he can never grab them by the meow meow either?