As we all prepare to buy gifts we know we can’t afford, the richest person in the world, Elon Musk, is crying tears of joy and dabbing at his eyes with million-dollar bills after once again being added to the shortlist for Time Magazine’s Person of the Year. Or, perhaps he’s just crying because when he graced the cover last year, he wasn’t in the process of murdering Twitter with his ridiculous antics. Honestly, I don’t think he should have made the list in the first place because he’s a self-destructive demon.
After Kanye West appeared in a gimp mask on Alex Jones’s InfoWars yesterday and did the impossible by making Alex look like the most sensible person in the room for once when he outright admitted that he likes Hitler and declared that it’s time to stop dissing Nazis, Kanye then moved his shockingly blatant antisemitism and nearly constant ranting to Twitter. In his manic tweeting, Ye also defended Balenciaga, claimed that he “caught” Kim Kardashian with NBA player Chris Paul, and shared a pic of a shirtless Elon Musk, obviously meant to poke fun at his physique. Elon ultimately suspended Ye’s account (that he’s only had back since October), later clarifying it was because of the antisemitic stuff, not because of having his shirtless balls busted.
We can’t credit Alyssa Milano for the creation of the #MeToo movement but we can acknowledge that she was one of the first celebrities to inspire my usage of the hashtag #TookToTwitter, which, despite my considerable efforts over the years to make that a thing, continues to languish from disuse, forever criminally underused and hanging by a thread much like the fate of Twitter itself since Elon Musk took over (or #TookTwitter, for those keeping track) and fired all the adults. But ever since Alyssa got a little bit of credit for helping #MeToo spread like wildfire on Twitter back in the early days of our current end times, she’s used the platform as a virtual soapbox (yes, her avatar is STILL standing on a literal one, megaphone in hand) for her burgeoning career as a leftist rabble-rouser. And she’s not going down without a fight.
You’d think that after a month of playing with a new toy that spoiled billionaire Elon Musk would have gotten bored and moved on to something else to waste his time on. Maybe “manage” his two other businesses? Nah! The man who proved that money can’t buy you cool is still wiling his time away on Twitter, hoping that Nathan Fielder will see it and become his best friend. Shockingly, the only people Elon is managing to befriend throughout this fiasco are far right-winger messes. And due to the increase in hate speech and ugly content, some users believe that this might lead to Twitter being kicked off of Google and Apple’s app stores. But the meme-stealing CEO has a plan for that eventuality: he’ll make his own phone! Please, Elon, stop “fixing” things and go hang out with your kids or something!
Twitter continues its march into hell with the billionaire-cum-pathetic memelord Elon Musk at the helm. Having led a disastrous effort at making verification available for anyone then quickly taking that away once everyone roasted him for it, battling dangerous Elon Musk impersonators like Kathy Griffin, and firing practically everyone at Twitter for not being “hardcore” enough, Elon is still trying to make his version of a free speech Twitter happen. Apparently, his vision of truth and honesty includes bringing back former president and stable genius Donald Trump onto the platform. Everyone can finally log off Truth Social!!!!
Over the past few days, doom-scrolling Twitter has taken on an entirely new meaning. It’s actually kind of been fun, but then again, I have none of Elon Musk’s beluga-hued skin in the game. But according to Business Insider, the Titanic memes and hashtags like #RIPTwitter, #Twitteroff, and #Twittershutdown being gleefully shared probably hit differently for the hundreds of employees who Elon hadn’t already fired as they watch Twitter sink, circling the very drain that Elon walked in with just three weeks before. All the while, Elon’s been working “morning to night, seven days a week,” doing everything in his power to assure the few remaining employees who hadn’t already resigned after yesterday’s ultimatum deadline that they’re a big joke to him by posting dank memes, featuring himself, at their expense, and locking everybody out of their offices until Monday.