Category: Elon Musk

Elon Musk Revealed That The Brain Microchip He’s Developing Let A Monkey Control A Computer

July 17, 2019 / Posted by:

Business Insider says that Elon Musk is one step closer to helping the robots take over the planet. The guy who thought he was going to save children stuck in a watery cave with a 007-esque personal submarine, has now revealed that he’s really making progress with a microchip that people can get implanted into their brain so that they can do a bunch of cool shit. Or have their brain hacked by an evil hacker collective trying to take down society. Whichever comes first.

Elon claims that they’re getting so far in this process that now a monkey has been able to control a computer with its mind. Oooh, how exciting, jot this down in the book of Moments Humanity Stepped Closer To Its Own Demise.

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Jaden Smith Is Becoming A “Full-Time Inventor” To Save The Homeless And Waterless People Of The World

July 15, 2019 / Posted by:

Jaden Smith‘s interview with Complex is… complex. On the one hand it’s like, this kid is so out of touch and rich; like the way he’s just genuinely fascinated by the plight of the lower-class it’s like watching Ariel brush her hair with a fork. But on the other hand, that genuine fascination leads to him to trying to do some good.

While speaking with Complex, Jaden talked about it all–his new water filtration systems, his music–and most importantly, he revealed that he is switching his profession. I wasn’t sure he had a specific profession because he seemed to be a rich kid who just acts and makes music at a whim. But no, he’s saying people used to think of him as a musician, but he now wants them to see him as an inventor. Mini Kanye speaks!

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Elon Musk Is Now A SoundCloud Rapper, Raps About Harambe The Gorilla

April 1, 2019 / Posted by:

Considering his escapades of late, nobody should be surprised that Elon Musk, father of 6, has decided to become a SoundCloud rapper. However, his choice of subject for his rap debut is quite eye-opening. I would have maybe expected Elon to wax/rap poetic about sexy space robots or smoking blunts on Mars, but rapping about Harambe the gorilla from like three years ago, sippin’ on Bombay in heaven? Actually, considering his escapades of late, this actually doesn’t surprise me all that much either. Much like Ja’mie before him, Elon is like, so random you guys, isn’t it hilarious?

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Grimes And Elon Musk Are Still Doing Their Best To Facilitate Global Warming With Their Love

March 21, 2019 / Posted by:

Grimes is on some new shit now. She’s just released a concept album called Miss_Anthropocene and her goal is to “make climate change fun”. As far as I can ascertain, the villainous Miss_Anthropocene is “a psychedelic, space-dwelling demon/ beauty-Queen” who’s hellbent on bringing about an apocalypse, but like in a super fun way? So that’s cool. Grimes discussed some of the particulars of this project in a Wall Street Journal interview, and also revealed that she’s still on some of her old shit, that old shit being Elon Musk.

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Open Post: Hosted By Tesla’s New “Dog Mode”

March 12, 2019 / Posted by:

Elon Musk has finally found a way to get Tesla some good publicity after he spent his summer driving their name into the ground. First he called a Thai cave rescuer a pedophile. Then his girlfriend at the time, Grimes, invited her friend Azealia Banks, to come party at Elon’s house and she ended up exposing him. And then he plummeted stock prices by getting high with douche-bro legend Joe Rogan. And finally, Elon got charged with securities fraud. This all led to Elon having to step down as chairman of the company. Best summer ever, amirite!? Well Elon found a way to salvage things with one simple tool: DOGS!

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Johnny Depp Is Suing Amber Heard For $50 Million, Calls Her Claims Of Domestic Abuse “A Hoax”

March 1, 2019 / Posted by:

That Rolling Stone interview from last year gave me the impression that Johnny Depp’s closest friends are his legal team (and any random journalists who happen to stop by for a chat). Now I’m pretty sure I’m right because he’s just filed a wild $50 million lawsuit against his ex-wife Amber Heard. In it he states that Amber’s claims of domestic abuse are all just “an elaborate hoax to generate positive publicity” for herself. The suit is pinned to claims Amber made in a December, 2018 Op-Ed for The Washington Post. Johnny also dragged Elon Musk into this mess by claiming he and Amber started their relationship a month after they were married, and that Elon was at their house, creeping in and out of the penthouse elevator, the night he and Amber got into a fight over a postnuptial agreement. Johnny says that fight led to Amber throwing a vodka bottle at him, which resulted in him having to have his finger “surgically reattached”. Just when we all finished treatment for the smoke inhalation we suffered from during their train wreck of a divorce, Johnny is bringing it back. Grab your oxygen masks!

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