First dates are always like walking on eggshells: you best keep the conversation light, dress impeccably, and – above all – don’t keep your trick waiting on you to arrive at the restaurant. Well, Donald Trump must not have gotten that memo because on his first meeting with THE QUEEN today, some are saying QE2 was left waiting around for Donald and Melania Trump to stroll up to kiss the ring and curtsy. What’s next? Sleeveless dresses?!
Vanity Fair says even though the Trump European tour as so far resulted in insulting just about every European leader, Queen Elizabeth is a woman of her word and still agreed to meet Trump, but it appears he may have forgotten when they agreed to get together since he caused her to – GASP – look at her watch:
— NAFTA Posterchild (@RobsinBuda) July 13, 2018
Anyone else read her lips and giggle thinking she was doing Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada saying, “What happened? Has she died or something?” No? Just me? OK, fine. Anyway, once they finally did show, QE2 didn’t seem to mind and was all smiles, probably because she was telling herself, “You were a mechanic and made it through World War II bombs going off on your front lawn, girlfriend. This is a cakewalk compared to that!” Unlike that sleeveless hussy Duchess Meghan, Melania went with a high collar suit when in the presence of royalty. Both Boris and Natasha, I mean, the president and First Lady seemed to get a kick out of their meeting, but, unless I missed it, it didn’t seem like they bothered curtsying. Send ‘em to the Tower of London to think of their heathen ways!
— The Royal Family (@RoyalFamily) July 13, 2018
People notes the rendezvous came on a busy Friday, as back on our side of the pond, the Justice Department was announcing they were indicting 12 Russian intelligence officials with hacking into the Democratic National Committee and Hillary Clinton’s 2016 election campaign. Of course, it also seemed like all of England was losing its collective shit while protesting the Donald. I mean, I would too if I had to live with both the real Donald Trump AND this thing flying overhead for days on end:
Today in London, thousands of protestors marched through the city to protest the visit of U.S. President Donald Trump. The literal pièce de résistance was a giant balloon (created by Leo Murray) called the #Trump Baby, a massive, snarling orange diaper-clad behemoth clutching a cellphone (and presumably tweeting about itself as it floated above the House of Parliament). Photographed by @david_ablehams
A lot of analysts noted that the Trumps weren’t meeting any of the younger royals like Prince Harry & Co., and that may be because Maw Maw Liz is the one who can handle the real assholes of the world. Plus, CBS News says she and Donald actually have a few things in common: both had Scottish mothers and both own a lot of real estate (which I really hope turned into each of them laying their dicks, er, deeds on the royal table to see whose portfolio was bigger). Donald has previously said the queen is “an incredible woman,” so I’m sure it will only be a matter of time before he starts talking about what a great rack she had when he’s talking to people at one of his campaign rallies.
Queen Elizabeth II then took the president around to inspect the military because nothing gives him a boner than men standing at attention to an H.B.I.C. She also introduced him to one of her ladies-in-waiting who was born in New Jersey back in 1933. They say she sometimes strikes up genuine friendships with U.S. presidents and that she and Ronald Reagan even went horseback riding back in the day. I guess we’ll know she and Donald REALLY hit it off if we suddenly see the two of them tossing back Scotch later this weekend and taking turns making cracks at Theresa May.