Jennifer Garner is being celebrated for her decision to not get a large phoenix tattoo covering her whole back by being put on the cover of People’s Most Beautiful Issue. Of course Jennifer Garner has done more then just divorce Ben Affleck, she also works for Save the Childred, started an organic baby food company (how on brand), keeps the paparazzi industry alive, and she looks like the mom next store that everyone wants to bone.
Normally it’s Kim Kardashian winning the Photoshop Awards for having a hiney that looks like the Hindenburg, but this time it’s Kourtney Kardashian’s time to take some heat. Kourt has been promoting some mysterious brand of hers called Poosh, but people have been wondering what kinda poosh is going on with her body in the latest promo shot since her face looks pasted on, she lost a thigh en route to the bathtub, and it looks like she’s got an engorged nipple on her wrist (but it’s probably just a bubble or rogue filler trying to get out of her body).
In June, Leonardo DiCaprio shared a picture of him and Brad Pitt in costume on the set of Quentin Tarantino’s Once Upon A Time In Hollywood. Well, it appears Leo got a little chin slimming before it was released to the general public.
Page Six says Sony “accidentally” uploaded an un-Photoshopped picture of the two, and I’m a little bit underwhelmed. At peak Photoshop, Mariah Carey may as well be Sailor Moon because you can’t for the life of you tell who the fuck it really is, so I got excited thinking we were going to find out Leo and Brad really have eighteen chins (still five less than me) and Margot Robbie has an Abraham Lincoln beard. We still may be waiting for leaked photos from Margot’s shoot, but Leo and Brad’s, erm, still just shows two middle-aged white dudes.
— Page Six (@PageSix) August 8, 2018
Because this is Hollywood, Leo’s sources are already out insisting he never requested something like that, and Sony farted out a statement that said, “The actors did not request any retouching of photography from Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. We take full responsibility for the error.”
Honestly, if they had just held off on taking the photos a few more hours after lunch, his chin would have probably done that on its own. We all get a little Chili’s bloat from time to time, amiright?!
Back in November, Carrie Underwood cut up her face after falling down outside while taking her dogs out. It seemed like the fall was serious and that Carrie came out looking like Phantom of the Grand Ole Opry. But a fan photo later revealed that Carrie looked like herself. Because Carrie took a while to heal, there were conspiracy theories that her fall was a cover-up for plastic surgery. Carrie would like you to know that it wasn’t.
The woman you’re looking at on the Vogue Italia cover above is Gigi Hadid and not an artist’s rendering of an overtanned Donatella Versace. The only indicator that it’s Gigi are those vacant eyes. Everything else looks like a whole other person of a totally different race, and the internet has something to say about it.
Just try to ignore that tragic poster, which looks like a no-budget travel ad done by an intern on MS Paint using the cheapest clip art they could find (see: that random peacock and Liberace’s anal beads aka those rhinestone disco balls).
When I was laid up in my bed with a jacked-up retina for weeks, my ears swallowed up many audio books including the entire Crazy Rich Asians series. I swallowed those books up like they were an 8″ peen, because as someone who thinks Jackie Collins is the greatest thing to happen to words, the Crazy Rich Asians series has everything I want: opulence, intrigue, glamour, bitchery, and a plot easy enough for my simple brain to follow. So I’ve been waiting and waiting for a trailer for the film version, which is Hollywood’s first all-Asian cast movie since The Joy Luck Club. A teaser trailer was released a few days ago, and it got me nervous, thinking that those cheap bitches in Hollywood turned it into On-A-Budget Asians by making it look like a Lifetime movie. But the full trailer is out and it is ˈä-pyə-lənt. Well, most of it is anyway.