There’s no greater honor (for a publicist) than landing a spot on the Time 100, Time Magazine’s publicist prom. Induction into the Time 100 comes with a fancy photo-shoot (for some) and a seemingly randomly assigned essay extolling the winner’s virtue. Ergo, Jimmy Kimmel was selected to write about this year’s cover boy for the Leaders category, Dr. Anthony Fauci when Dr. Phil would obviously have been a better choice. You know, Dr. to Dr. Sometimes it makes a little sense, like Marlon Brando Jr., Leonardo DiCaprio, honoring Indigenous activist Nemonte Nenquimo who has worked to protect rainforests in the Ecuadorian Amazon, even though she’s way too old to fuck at 33. But then you have Kim Kardashian West waxing poetic about JoJo Siwa and you think to yourself, is it too early to start drinking?
The 2020 Primetime Emmy Awards happened last night and it was hosted by Jimmy Kimmel who performed in front of like, three camera operators and a producer. There were cardboard cutouts instead of humans in the audience. Even though that sounds like a late-night TV host’s idea of Hell on Earth, Jimmy still put in the effort for all three hours.
To lighten up this year’s bleak circumstances for the isolated ceremony, Jimmy brought out a few people to help present awards, like his good pal Jennifer Aniston, who helped save him from a trashcan fire. A fitting, if not accidental, metaphor for the year so far. She also popped up in a mini Friends reunion, which was surely a nice little distraction for those who can say it hasn’t been their day, their week, their month, or even their year.
Basically, this year has been an exercise in just keeping it together. Most of us have spent the last six months lying on the couch, pants-less, with Cheetos in our hair. So, for anybody hoping to catch a glimpse of some much-needed GLAMOUR from our biggest TV stars, you are probably out of luck because this year’s all-virtual Emmy Awards––slated to be, as host Jimmy Kimmel describes, like no other––is going to feature presenters in full-blown hazmat suits. Naomi Campbell’s influence continues!
The “Fast Times At Ridgemont High” Reading Gave Us A Jerk-Off Scene Featuring Brad Pitt And Jennifer Aniston
The dreams of any remaining TEAM ANISTON t-shirt owners had already come true last month when it was reported that Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt would reunite for a live at-home reading of Fast Times at Ridgemont High. As promised, Jen and Brad reunited last night on Zoom for the Fast Times reading, to benefit Sean Penn’s CORE charity. And Brad and Jen must have been feeling extra charitable because they gave everyone at home an image for the ages by recreating the Phoebe Cates/Judge Reinhold jerk-off scene.
The internet’s most annoying and misleading hashtag convention, #[fillintheblank]isoverparty, strikes again. Every time I see that hashtag I try to ignore it but know that by the end of the day morbid curiosity will eventually lead me to clicking on it only to be disappointed to find out that [fillintheblank] farted on a kitten or something equally banal. Today it was the end of Jimmy Fallon’s career that was being smugly and gleefully celebrated on Twitter after a 20-year old clip of him doing a Chris Rock impression in full blackface on Saturday Night Live resurfaced. According to The New York Post, the clip was posted with the caption “NBC fired Megyn Kelly for mentioning blackface. Jimmy Fallon performed on NBC in blackface,” which is simply exhausting. With everything going on in #thesesupremelyfuckeduptimes, re-litigating blackface is definitely a party I’m not RSVPing to, I don’t care how socially distanced it is. I’m so very tired.
The One World: Together at Home global concert event happened last night, featuring a ton of celebrities who, at some point, got tired of staring at the wall and instead decided to mic up, find the part of their house that looks the least opulent, and croak out some of your favorite karaoke tunes (mostly, sans fards) in real-time. It raised more than $127 million to fight coronavirus, and yes, Ellen DeGeneres found a way to piss people off… during a charity show. It’s a gift!