Category: Someone’s Got A New Album To Sell

A Poster For Demi Lovato’s “Holy Fvck” Album Was Banned From Being Displayed In The UK Because It Was Offensive To Christians

January 11, 2023 / Posted by:

Humanity may not agree on much, but one thing lots of us can probably come together on is that Demi Lovato’s soggy pad of a personality is utterly exhausting. The assault of her shrill voice on our ears and the useless causes she attempts to champion–like sugar-free cookies existing and not calling aliens “aliens–are offensive to the sensibilities of many. And in Demi’s most recent attempt to be 2006-style edgy, she coined her newest album (and what might be her final tour) “Holy Fvck,” as in “holy fuck is she STILL talking?” But in true Demi fashion, she rubbed people the wrong way again, this time with a poster that showed her casually clad in light bondage while lying on a crucifix bed. BBC News says some Christians in the U.K. were displeased, and the poster just got banned from being displayed in most public places there.

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R. Kelly’s Team Is Investigating Who Dropped A Bootleg Album In His Name

December 10, 2022 / Posted by:

While songbird turned jail bird R. Kelly is rotting in prison, someone out there thought that they’d kindly release an unauthorized album on his behalf and make a quick buck. I hope they’re happy with a few crumpled ones because no one really wants the music of a convicted sex trafficker. R. Kelly is unhappy that he’s not getting his cut of a few pennies and has set his legal team to solve the mystery of who dropped a bootleg album! The mystery they should be solving is why anyone in their right minds would think an R. Kelly album would sell in 2022.

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Open Post: Hosted By Jennifer Lopez’ Next Album, Which Will Be An Ode To Ben Affleck Called “This Is Me… Now”

November 28, 2022 / Posted by:

Those of us not **sotto voce** On The JLo, might have been fooled into thinking Jennifer Lopez was up to something nefarious and dark-sided last week, like running for president when her Instagram account went dark and all traces of Ben Affleck were removed from her grid. But real ones probably knew that Jen was just clearing up space for the surplus of LOVE that’s flooded her basement since reuniting with Ben, the first and last (diamonds crossed!) love of her life. According to People, on Friday, JLo broke her visual silence to announce the title and theme of her upcoming 9th studio album. This is me… Now, an album dedicated to Ben, is a follow-up to her 2002 album This is me… Then, also an album dedicated to Ben. In return, Ben has dedicated no less than 10 minutes a week to posing for photos and making contractually obligated TikTok appearances. If these two crazy kids have learned anything about love and relationships in the past two decades, it’s the importance of sharing the burden and loving with equal passion!

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Drake Drags Kanye West And Comes Out As A Lesbian On His New Album, “Certified Lover Boy”

September 3, 2021 / Posted by:

Drake’s sixth album, Certified Lover Boy, finally dropped at midnight. Jay-Z, Travis Scott, Future, Nicki Minaj, Lil Wayne, Rick Ross, Kid Cudi, and Lil Baby all appear on the album. No, not DaBaby, Lil Baby. DaBaby the Homophobe is Kanye West’s best buddy. And speaking of Yeezy, Drake comes for his longtime nemesis/album release rival on his track, 7am On Bridle Path. In case you’re not Toronto-street-smart (snort), the Bridle Path is the fanciest, most expensive neighborhood in all of Canada. Residents include Celine Dion, Gordon Lightfoot, and a bunch of uber-wealthy Bay Street-types (our Wall Street). So at 7am it’s probably just nannies pushing rich babies in strollers, Gordon Lightfoot on a walk with his morning chamomile, and Drake brainstorming clever ways to insult Kanye.

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Katy Perry Did A People Cover To Promote Her Upcoming Album And Baby

August 5, 2020 / Posted by:

In a cover story for People, Ellen DeGeneres superfan Katy Perry says she has gone through it. The very pregnant Katy was forced to delay both her destination wedding to Orlando Bloom and the release of her new album, Smile (which has been rescheduled for August 28) thanks to that darn pandemic. And before that, Katy says she suffered through the “darkest years of her life” after 2017’s Witness didn’t sell as many copies as her previous record-breaking albums.

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Kanye West’s Promised Album Is M.I.A. And He’s Refusing To See His Wife

July 24, 2020 / Posted by:

I don’t know how Kanye West thinks he’s going to be President of the United States when he can’t even follow through with a single promise he’s made to the American people. Today his 10th studio album, Donda: With Child, was supposed to drop. But according to Us Weekly, when they went to look for it online, eager listeners found only tumbleweeds and the dust off Dave Chappelle’s shoes when he booked it out of there. Donda’s overdue. And while Us reports that Kanye did in fact see a doctor on Monday, he wasn’t able to induce him. All the doctor did was determine that Kanye “did not need immediate hospitalization,” with “immediate” doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence. I guess Kanye was too busy gassing up his armada of Elon Musk-looking tanks while ignoring his wife’s phone calls (per TMZ). Is this the person you want not answering the phone at 3:00 AM? I know I’ve made up my mind, Kanye is not getting my vote come November!

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